Follow
Share

My father in law keeps to himself, avoids most conversations & stays in his room. When everyone goes to work, he spends hundreds of dollars on lotto, booze & spends most of his time sitting in his car in many parking lots watching women walking into stores. I've caught him doing this. He bathes once a week & smells bad. His son, my husband, can't get thru to him. He can't force his dad to do anything. Father in law acts weird all the time. He has a naked female doll in his room which I believe is inappropriate & could be his sex companion, I keep our kids out of his room. His 1st wife died over 20 years ago, 2nd wife left because he was secretly smoking behind her back & she didn't allow smoking. Why is father in law acting so antisocial & so weird all the time? He's happiest by himself so we let him be but we are concerned that he could be involved in selling his urine to the homeless in the parking lots so they can pass drug tests to get jobs!! We found an ice cream bucket full of urine under his bed one day & asked him about it. He simply said he didn't want to wake everyone up in the house cuz he needed to go to the bathroom at night. Since then, he no longer has the bucket, he now pees in the back yard LOL. Its like he's afraid of bathrooms & toilets. He also has a strange laugh that bothers me. I think he may be bipolar or possessed. I'm just trying to understand him even if I can't help him.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
You could be investigated by protective services for subjecting your children to this man.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

BadCop,

You know that your father in law shouldn’t be living in your home.

I would tell your husband that his dad and the naked doll that you are suggesting is his sex doll need to leave as soon as possible. I would even get rid of the mattress that he slept on.

If he wouldn’t leave, then I would be tempted to take the children and leave.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Fawnby is right on target--no joking about this is appropriate.

As a #meToo 'survivor', jokey talk about perverts hits too close to home and is very triggering for me. I'm not alone.

My comments about my FIL were to show that 'completely normal' people can have some very weird twists to their behaviors. My abuser got away with 50+ years of abuse of every generation in my family.

IF this is a legit post, even if it's not, we need to be aware that yes, OUR families can be caught up in a web of abuse and no one will stick up for you when you 'tell'.

This man needs help--he won't get it, but you can protect yourself and your kids from him.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Fawnby Apr 2023
YES! Thanks for the backup. All too often families adopt the attitude, "That's just dad!" and laugh. They refuse to recognize that serious harm is being done because "That's just dad!"

And turning their backs on the victims makes family members complicit in the crimes that are committed.

Appeasing "That's just dad!" is never worth the lifelong pain caused by the perpetrator.

Midkid, I'm sad for what happened to you. It's important to let others know that it is never okay. Hugs!
(5)
Report
See 1 more reply
Look, this is seriously creepy. There are some who are perverts and no one would ever know. I've been acquainted with people like that. They did a lot of harm before anyone found out, and some were never confronted or punished because the victims felt that they wouldn't be believed. One of these guys spied on his female grandkids taking showers through the bathroom window. He raped two and molested two others. Another one, a computer porn addict, did things to his wife that I won't describe. No one outside these families found out until much later.

Another man, a pillar of the church, was a professional photographer who took naked photos of his fellow church members' kids and sold them. He went to jail eventually but a lot of people stood up for him because they didn't believe he could do such a thing. I knew a Boy Scout leader who was forced to resign over molesting a boy, but the parents declined to prosecute. This was covered up (but details recently released in "The Perversion Files"). This guy later took in many foster sons, at least one of whom has filed a suit that he was molested by this (very nice and respected) man.

I've seen sketchy guys who had no business there loitering in the womens' underwear department in stores. And no, I don't know what to do about them until they actually do something.

When someone's giving you signals that they're wacko, you need to follow up and report it to someone who can put them out of action. Your FIL may be such a person. And the story about his wives leaving him may be just that - stories to cover up the real reason, which could be something more concerning and sinister.

Do NOT try to "understand" FIL. He's showing deviant behavior. How do you know he's not following the women he watches in parking lots when they come back to their cars? And he's drunk besides, and driving. How can you let him be around your children?

You have a problem living in your house. Thanks for reaching out to us, and I hope the advice here helps you to get him out of your home and into a place where he can't hurt anyone.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2023
Yep! The perverts are always the people that no one suspects. They get away with it way too often! It’s sickening.
(4)
Report
I'd be very concerned about him driving under the influence.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

If he can spend so much money on lotto and booze, he can afford to move out and pay rent elsewhere.

It’s hard to live with family members even when they are pleasant to be around. I can’t imagine living with a person like your father in law.

Have you told your husband that you don’t want him living under your roof anymore? Have your children complained about their grandfather?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Just curious how you know what he spends money on and the other things he does. Poke a few holes in the doll when he's not around. Maybe that will 'deflate' his ego
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2023
LOL 😆 Poke a few holes in his doll!
(2)
Report
See 3 more replies
Sadly, I think this poster is legit--although I hope I'm wrong.

My FIL had some sexual proclivities that were well hidden from most of the family. Mostly of a voyueristic type, he liked to stand naked in front of the glass doors and take photos of himself from behind--so you could see the people outiside who could or couldn't see him--I hope to this day that he didn't.

It was this deep, dark dirty secret--and although I never saw ANY inappropriate sexual behavior other than the naked pics (which was enough!) and after he passed, I was the one to clean out his condo and found hundreds of pics.

OMG! Hundreds and hundreds of negatives of him in various stages of undress and 'arousal'. Something no DIL EVER wants to see. I ended up shredding every single roll of negatives rather than sort through them and toss the gross ones.

It broke my heart, it really did. I told DH and he simply chose not to believe me. So I pulled a few negatives and showed them to him. For a while he didn't accept this weird behavior. Because I was the one who found them--he somehow blamed ME for this happening. Finally, BIL, who is a psychologist, weighed in on the situation and told his brother and sister that he knew this behavior had been going on for YEARS. Then DH believed me, but still acted like I had outed his father & made things worse.

Hey--don't shoot the messenger.

He obviously had some problems, and was actually working on them when he died, which gives me some measure of comfort.

And, yes, while there was no evidence that he had ever touched anyone innapropriately--I did have the horrible job of asking my 4 daughters if he had ever done anything to them. (They were all adults by then). Nope, and I am so glad that they weren't hurt. 7 granddaughters and they were all OK.

He also had quite the collection of sex toys and that was also awful to deal with. I'm no prude, but this was the final straw. I never found a blow up doll, but that's not saying he never had one.

It did help for me to understand why my MIL was so beyond furious by the time she divorced him. If he had been 'caught' flashing people--well, he worked a gov't job and he could have lost that and his pension. MIL lived in fear that any day he could be outed.

This was so traumatic to me that I had to bring it up in therapy. I wanted to forgive him and have good memories of him--other than this anomaly, he was a sweet and loving guy. Just had a serious screw loose in his wiring, I guess.

NO WAY I would allow your dad to be anywhere near your kids. My kids never slept over at g-pa's as much as they loved him, and they all have fond memories of him. He got lucky, I guess, I destroyed 100% of his porn and pictures and toys.

He's been gone 19 years and I still have images burned in my brain that I'd rather not have.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Just going to toss this out...
If your children are minors you are placing them in danger. If they say anything at school, teachers are Mandated Reporters. This may result in an investigation that may potentially have your children removed from the house.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Ok, I'll bite, but not before saying... WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ALLOWING THIS MAN TO LIVE IN YOUR HOUSE WHEN YOU HAVE CHILDREN THERE???
You and your husband are just as sick as he is for letting him live with you and exposing your innocent children to his sick antics. I mean really??? What are you thinking?

My pedophile father used to sit in parks and watch for innocent children to enter the public bathrooms and then follow them in to abuse them.
That's what your line about your FIL watching women in parking lots reminded me of. And how do you know that he's watching women and not children?

And I don't know if your user name of BadCopDIL, implies that you're actually a cop, as it would make sense since you say you've caught him in many parking lots.... perhaps while on duty? And if that's the case you should know better than to expose your children to him.
Regardless, your children should be your number one priority and you should do EVERYTHING in your power to protect them from him and his sickness. And if that means kicking him out....well so be it.

I'm with Lealonnie on your 2 recent posts. I really am hoping and praying that you're just a troll that's pulling our legs on here. And if you're not, well... God help us all!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Father in law has a major problem. He needs to be tested for dementia, uti, and other things. I would not want that kind of behavior around my kids, or grand kids. He should be seeing a doctor once a year for a yearly check up. Inform the doctor about what is happening.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Very good possibility that FIL would be diagnosed with some form of Dementia.
From your other post..He pees in the bathtub and blames others. To this..
I would put my foot down and tell my husband that either FIL finds another place, is placed in Memory Care or at least Assisted Living that I would be moving out.
For your husband to allow this and not say anything is disrespectful to you and any other member of the family that is living under that roof.
AND if FIL IS cognizant that makes the situation even worse.

I hope your husband has POA for health and finances.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2023
Peeing in the bathtub may be gross but I would find his other behaviors worse, such as his blow up doll that he uses for a companion! 😝

He and his doll need to go! Then buy a new mattress!
(3)
Report
See 1 more reply
I thought he peed in the bathtub and blamed the kids
..or is that somebody else
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2023
Same person.
(1)
Report
Time to have a family conference. Given some of the weird sexual activities it leads me to wonder if you are housing (in your own home? or are you living in his) a sexual preditor. You have children. It is time for everyone to have an honest talk.

This man is either mentally ill or moving into some sort of dementia. Difficult to guess which, and I doubt he would be in agreement with any testing. I cannot know from your postings about him whether these are new behaviors or not. Your family should not be living with him.

Is anyone MPOA or POA for him? Does he have a regular MD? All of this should be discussed with MD if so.
I think a call to APS may be in order as well, telling them what you have told us. A call to police may be in order as well. His being picked up on charges may help get him assessed.

And no, he isn't possessed. That stuff is nonsense.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
lealonnie1 Apr 2023
I'm hoping this and her other post are "nonsense", personally. 😑
(3)
Report
See 2 more replies
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/what-do-you-do-when-your-aging-father-in-law-pees-in-the-tub-and-claims-that-it-was-the-children-480461.htm

This is your first post and now this one. Why is this man living with you? How old is he? If this is not Dementia, then he needs to find another place to live. This type of behaviour would not be allowed in my home. If he can "he spends hundreds of dollars on lotto, booze" then he can afford to live elsewhere. There are HUD subsidized apartments if he qualifies financially. Get him out of your house.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Beatty Apr 2023
Absolutely.
But who's home is it? (It may have been stated?)
(2)
Report
Keep the children safe. This would be my top priority.

Finding out why FIL acts the way he does is something. Whether he would seek treatment, whether treatment could help him are others.

Do you WANT to continue living with him is another.

Can of worms opened here. A giant one I think.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Yesterday you asked what to do when FIL pees in the tub and blames the children. So obviously you have children who are witnessing inappropriate male behaviors! Why are you putting up with such a thing? You both have an obligation to them to keep them safe and secure, not an obligation to care for a mentally ill and/or demented fil. If you dont realize it, FIL can get violent or push sexual activity on the children, that CAN AND DOES happen w dementia and mental illness! Its called ISB or Inappropriate Sexual Behavior which doctors treat with medication., but not always successfully.

Your children need to not be exposed to naked blow up dolls in their grandfather's room! Or buckets of urine he may be selling to crackheads in parking lots.

Please take a serious look at a serious situation, dh and yourself, and get this man properly medically diagnosed and OUT of your home. Your children need to come first or CPS may be showing up at your door soon to rehome them.
Helpful Answer (13)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Apr 2023
So true! Just because this man is family, it certainly doesn’t mean that they are obligated to allow him to live with them.
(6)
Report
You don't say how old your FIL is. He's mentally ill and could have dementia as well. Is there any way your husband could get him to see a doctor? Tell him it's for insurance purposes or some other lie to get him there ? Give the doctor the description of his behavior before the appointment.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

The FIL is not Iiving with your family, is he?!

He is “acting weird” because he is mentally ill.

Do you have a young daughter in the home? If so, NEVER let her alone with him ever. I’m serious,
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
Way2tired Apr 2023
I would keep any and all children away.
(11)
Report
See 1 more reply
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter