Why has my 93-year-old grandfather become obsessed with my 10-year-old son?

I sounds like your father is developing dementia. His behavior is very suspicious of something getting off in his brain. Have you father medically evaluated.

Why is your grandfather living with you? Seems like it might be time for your grandfather to live somewhere else.

Hi! I’m sure it’s very clear to you there’s something mentally not right, with your grandfather. He’s also very rude to you.

Only a doctor can figure out what’s going on, since he might have several health issues. (——He could also just be bored and want to harass someone/your son/easy target).

Obviously something’s not right with your grandfather. And you won’t be able to change his personality.

Sounds like Dementia may be involved here. Gpa needs a good check up to see if something physical is at play. An MRI will show if any Dementia is present.

I realize you want to keep him out of a NH but you may need to place him. Its not fair to your 10 yr old to have to deal with this kind of thing or ur other kids. Seems Gpa cannot be reasoned with and this is one if the first signs of Dementia. Your family is #1. They need home a soft place to land.

Is he becoming like Herbert from "Family Guy"?

So, GPA is verbally abusing YOU and shadowing your son.

When was the last time GPA had cognitive testing?

HAve you mentioned these symptoms to his doctor?

are there no locks on your son's door? can you move him to a different room so grandpa can't find him at night? ideally your father would be moved into care, as you can't let this go on for your son's well-being (and the rest of the family's).

Your first obligation is to your son. You say grandpa doesn't have dementia. The living together isn't working out, period, and there may be a whole lot your son isn't even telling you.
As I said, first obligation is to your own child. Period.

You need to realize that if Gpa does have Dementia sexual urges heighten. Your son may be afraid of him. I would have a talk with ur son, maybe his Dad. If Gpa is having sexual tendencies he needs to be removed from your home. Even though he may have no idea he is doing it, your kids should not be exposed to it.

Just want to make you aware of this.

Your job is to protect your children first and foremost. Gramps needs placement in a memory care facility.

Find a new living arrangement immediantly. Grandpa needs to be in a home. Your son is at a very important age, where mental illnesses often manifest themselves.

You don't know what to do? Remove your grandfather from your home IMMEDIATELY and protect your son before someone calls CPS and removes your son from your home for exposing him to abuse on a daily basis.

Whether this is dementia or mental illness causing such behavior, your grandfather needs a psych evaluation by a REAL doctor who can diagnose him properly. You'll then know which type of facility to place him in.

2nd what JoAnn said.
Take action NOW.

Elderly with start of dementia can fixate on people. This can absolutely become inappropriate & sexual.

Many have been abused as minors by family members in this way.

Protect your son RIGHT NOW.

Time to state that unless he gives your sone his space and privacy he will have to move into a home

Seriously? There is only one answer Gramps needs to be placed in a home. He is fixated on your son and this could lead to a real bad situation for your son.

Protect your son at all costs, he is your first responsibility.

Don't drag your feet, start the process now.

For today install a lock on your sons room, start your search for a home for Grandpa. Tomorrow get all papers in order. Next time a fight ensues, which may be as soon as he is locked out, call for assistance and refuse to have him back as he is terrorizing a child. Your child needs to know you love him and have his back vs abandoning him and taking Grandpas side.

It’s time grandpa goes to a care facility. Reality is: he’s only got a few short years to live. Your son has a lifetime ahead of him. Let his current years be in peace so his future years won’t be lived with scars.

Wow, you are being very kind to someone who is causing emotional pain to your family. I can’t imagine how things will be when school is out for summer. This needs to end ASAP. Since he is your grandfather, does he have children who could get involved to take him in or get him into appropriate placement? You have got to get other family involved. If there is no other family, you need to contact your county office on aging for advice about what resources are available for him. If he served in the military, perhaps VA would be helpful.

This behavior is only going to get worse. Even though you are trying to do the right thing by grandpa, you know that this is hurting your son. You mention that you have “children”. It is wrong for all of them to be exposed to this; you’re allowing abuse. At age 10, adolescence, is right around the corner for your son. That alone is a challenging time for all.

You say this is "one of the MANY bad behaviors grandpa has picked up in the last couple of years"
Dare I ask what the others are?
Your son in entitled to his own space in his own house. He should have a lock on his door.
If grandpa has not been diagnosed with dementia then he should respect your son and allow him his privacy. Obviously he has not grasped this concept and that leads me to believe there is some cognitive decline that should be diagnosed.

**side note here this might be a difficult conversation to bring up to your son but it is IMPORTANT has your grandfather tried to grab your son, exposed himself to your son or even said anything to your son that would frighten him in ANY way? I think this is an important discussion to have with EACH of your kids separately and in private preferably away from the house so the know no one else can hear the conversation**

If as you say grandpa does not have dementia then you give him a move out date (the sooner the better).
If he has dementia whoever is POA for him can make the choice of what MC facility he will become a resident of.
If no one is POA and no family wishes to become his Guardian the Court will appoint a Guardian.
A conversation with a Elder Care Attorney might be in order.

PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN

Your #1 responsibility is to protect your child.

Time to move Grandfather into MC.

There is a guy at my Mom’s MC unit who is obsessed with food. He will attempt to follow visitors into rooms and also will dig into handbags just because he can. He is a tall, imposing guy with a deadpan stare, does not talk and constantly walks the hallway. He is very scary looking. Thankfully he will not open doors.

Believe in your son. Move Grandfather to another living facility.

Hi - could it be that maybe your grandpa is just lonely? It can't be easy for a senior - if thankfully you mentioned that he was tested and cognitively fine, then maybe it's a matter of looking into senior daycare activities - is there a senior center in your community? If he was stimulated during the day - meeting other seniors his age and engaged in activities that he may enjoy, then by the time he returned to your home, his day would be completed and he'd be too tired to shadow your son - vying for continual attention - your grandpa could find friends his own age! It may also help his mood and arguments may lessen. It may take creative thinking and researching activities or what's in your community for him. It would also be helpful for him to perhaps speak with a counselor who specializes in elder issues - you mentioned in your profile that he suffers from depression, anxiety - it's best to get a professional assessment/insight.

I hope this helps - wishing you all the best.

Your children must be protected, and your grandfather needs to be protected from himself.

You said that "we all live together" so how many people are in the home and what is the relation to grandfather?

Is the home yours or grandpa's? This makes a difference because a placement into a facility could involve a review of all grandpa's assets, etc.

If the home belongs to grandpa, it could also mean that everyone may need to move and allow the home to be sold so the funds can support grandpa in a facility.

GF's fixation and attachment behavior sounds like it is dementia-related, whether or not he has been officially diagnosed.

that's kinda of young for kids not to want to be bothered with their grandparents, maybe try explaining to the kids grandpa can't help it just try to give him a little time to spend with him. its worth a try

I agree fully with others' suggestions here. Protect your son and make sure he is safe in your home. Additionally, as we know UTIs can cause really irrational behaviors in the elderly, I have to wonder if his UTI actually cleared. Could be a resistant strain or recurrent infection. If you can somehow get him back to a doctor's office, you could ask to have his urine re-checked. Also, AZO makes a home test for UTI. Perhaps you can get an adult male in the family to help get a urine sample. If it tested positive, you'd have an excuse to get him to a doctor. I'm no expert but certainly something you may want to rule out.

Sounds like grandpa has dementia and some thought process loops that are hard to break. You can try keeping grandpa's focus on other activities and divert his attention when he goes to check on grandson(again and again). Talk to his doctor about medications that might help. Last resort might be moving grandpa into assisted living.

Bad behavior. Verbally abusive to you. Threatening to your kids. The question isn't what's wrong with Grandpa - what's wrong in your home that you let this continue? If you don't address that, it will get worse. Grandpa's behavior might be medically controllable, but from what you say he is medically non-compliant. That means he isn't fixable. It's AL time, ASAP.

Just in case this is your situation - any promises made to take care of him forever are officially null and void the minute your kids are threatened. Case closed, door locked, Grandpa out.

Your grandfather is having obsessive thoughts. Time to get him to see a doctor IMMEDIATELY. It is probably time to make new plans.
It is very stressful, and distressing for your son. You are not stalked in your own home. You are not walked in on, over and over.
You are allowing this to continue. Your poor son has no privacy. Feels unsafe in every room. Even if he locked the door, it is still not going to stop.
And then you are yelling at the grandfather on top of it. A big scene. More distressing, more stress. This has to stop. It's abusive.
MOM you need to protect your son. You are not!
Time to find solutions. Get him to a geriatric psychiatrist. Get him on some meds. If there is nothing that can help, its time for a new address for grandpa.
Your son deserves to feel safe in his own home. He shouldn't be sacrificed for the grandfather. You are not the one being hunted down and harassed non stop.
You need to do something. The son shouldn't have to tolerate this. You are not being a good mom to him. And you are not getting the grandfather the help he needs. It is distressing for him as well. You need to address this situation immediately!!!

This is very creepy. I would get grandpa out of the house asap. And in the meantime put a lock on your sons door.