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My mother has dementia. Her doctor says she cannot take care of her health care decisions or finances she is incapable. This make her trust irrevocable. My other siblings have talked her out of going to the doctor a new one that deals with elderly issues. Adult Protective Services has this letter bust insists she can refuse to go to the doctor and she can live at home. My siblings who are either felons or drug distributors are staying there. They never came around before. My mothers living trust is very specific and she went to a spanish speaking attorney but of course doesn't remember now. All APS say is that if we can't get along she will go to the state.

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I have been gone and extremely busy so i had not read responses. my mother is legally incompetant. My brother is a felon for a ponzie scheme. He stole from his own sister. six figures. He stole a home from my mother in the past. I know my family. As for the drugs its called hydroponics and he uses another house.
But people follow you and he is at my mothers. Do they take care of her because they love her no. The first thing I was asked for was the money my mom has in her bank acct. payable at death. He wants it now. Why would I want my mother in a nursing home. Because we went thru hell trying to move her in to my sisters who is a retired nurse. She would have had excellent care and the siblings that had never been around threw a fit. Do they come around now no. She is at home. I still go down and take care of her. Guardianship is expensive already so the lawyer. My mom will need care for altzeimers soon she won't have the money.Again drug dealing is not a suspicion it is a reality. What my mom wants and the reality of the situation are two different things. I guess you could ask do you want the siblings that are there for her money to kill her? Well by all means let her die at home.APS says she doesn't have to go to the doctor even if she is very ill. She can refuse. That is plain stupid. But by all means let her die at home. I have taken care of an alziheimers patient. I have taken care of my best friend until he died in the home and I took care of my brother in law until he he had to go into hospice type care and died a few weeks later. We stayed with him around the clock. Some of the family are selfish human beings and only take from people.
Its been along day and a fifty hour week. I'm cranky and tired. Sometimes its hard to do the right thing when you have to fight all the time. I am tired of the family that fights us to take care of my mother. If we weren't there she would already be broke
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Are your siblings taking care of mom at her own home because they love and care for her? Why do you want mom in a nursing home so badly when the majority of people want to pass away in their own home/house? If her PCP says she is competent enough be at her own home, why do you believe otherwise? I stayed with my mother at her house with the aid of Hospice for the last few months of her life. The LAST thing I wanted was to see her in a NH. My siblings were very grateful, one said I was her 'hero'.
If you do apply for guardianship, be sure you can prove that your siblings (who are caring for her from an outsiders view) are abusing her or denying her medical care. Is the VNA involved? Too many questions to really understand. Every family dynamic is different and suspicious of drug dealing is just hearsay. Again, people would rather die at home than in a NH. Ask yourself this: 'What would Mom want?"
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If folks are dealing drugs out of "Mom's" house, call the cops on them. They'll depart after a few probation searches at the house. Get support from the neighbors. Definitely get an attorney. Continue to work on the situation until Mom is safe. Sorry it's such a bad deal.
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Just because someone is a felon does not mean they will abuse their mother or family, you might be surprised to know wealthy people throw family under the bus far more frequently then less wealthy even poor caregivers do. In fact caregiving is a thankless job full of risk with no guarantee of reward even if you have a contract and fulfilled it, if you do not have $50,000 for a lawyer that paper is worthless unless they recognize it. You can get a lawyer on contingency however everyone knows they never go to trial and bail on most clients when jury time arrives unless you have at least $10,000 to begin with.
My friend slapped a girl who was talking to a lover on his phone and he ripped it from the wall, he was arrested for a felony and went to jusry selection and got scared going to Las Vegas with his life, the girl was not cooperating but the DA picks up the charge and says 9 yrs if you lose or no jail time if you plea to a felony, we give you anger class for a year and no jail time, no matter how brave you are, even if 100% innocent few will not take the deal and avoid the chance of a 9 yr prison sentence!
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bartlay,

I don't know why you keep putting the same exact house on every single page I say on here, it's as though you're spamming the site. I'm sure people are tired of seeing it on every single page they open, and I'm reporting it every time I see it on every new page I open. This site is a support for people with various experiences in caregiving, not for spell casters and spamming
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upsett, what you need is Guardianship status. The POA does not automatically take away her right to make decisions. You need letters from two MD's who certify she is incompetent. Your POA document has to have specific wording about when and how it kicks in. Go back to the attorney.
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Upsett, don't just be upset. It is more complicated than the things you were told and thought you understood. APS is limited in what they can do for you because people have rights to their own autonomy that cannot be overridden until they are legally incompetent and/or an imminent danger to themselves or others. They have a stronger bias towards inaction not just because of this but also because they are understaffed and overworked too. Your siblings are taking full advantage of this because drugs are more important to them than their integrity or anything else in their lives, and of course your mom can't see that. The trust that can't be changed will probably be an invaluable asset once you "lawyer up" - a good eldercare attorney is probably going to have to be involved, though you might get some idea of how the specific rules and regs in your state play out given the language of the POA and trust documents fro an estate planner. If it turns out your options are severely limited, then you may just have to do what you can for Mom, and then take care to save yourself, but it may be you can get guardianship or have someone who will keep Mom's best interests at heart get it for her.

Sorry you are in this mess at Christmas time!
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POA is definitely NOT guardianship - won't accomplish the same objectives and POA can be changed. I'm a little puzzled why APS would want or need to recognize a POA - the elder can rescind it at any time and it simply does not give a holder the kind of authority needed in this situation. Sort a like trying to launder your clothes in the microwave.
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Retain an attorney.
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Trusts are typically created to avoid probate.
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So basically its not worth it to get a living trust. I can just put everything in a persons name, home bank accounts etc. Beat paying a lawyer, cause their not helping at all. Just money down the drain. I am very frustrated at this point
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I was told that once she had the diagnosis of incompetence the trust was irrevocable and nothing else could be changed.
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Just a thought, with a POA the person getting it can still handle their money and finances. It really is only good when the person can no longer do for themselves.
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As many discover when intra-family affairs become complicated, a POA does not have as much force as one might need. This is why, in a addition to a POA, a "Pre-Need Guardian" document should be included in the estate planning process. If you truly wish to have dominion over your mother's legal and health matters, guardianship will do it. You will need an attorney to help you file for same.
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For some reason, government agencies do not except POAs. I guess because they can be changed at any time. They do except conservatorship/guardianship. My nephew gets a government annuity and to change from Mom to me I have to geta conservatorship because they will not except POA.
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Take a written decision from APS and the doctor's letter to an eldercare attorney for advice. And, if it's determined she must go to a state facility, at least she will have care and be protected from your siblings. As long as you visit her often, she'll be okay and in a safe place. Good luck. We had similar problems here. If you want to read about what we did, it's here.amzn/B00TWMKAIO
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I strongly agree with getting an attorney because it sounds like you definitely need one in this particular case. Chances are that the attorney may want to see any proof of POA. You may even want to go back to the attorney who helped you get it (if you used one). Sounds like you may actually want to go for guardianship, which gives you far more power. I should also warn you that sometimes abuse happens in some institutions. I'm not trying to scare you, but simply warn you of what I saw this summer in an Alzheimer's unit of one of our local nursing homes. I witnessed an abusive gesture against a resident at the hands of a worker. Yes, I saw this with my own two eyes when I was visiting someone that I went to see. I'm not sure whether or not they area was under video surveillance, I can only hope so. Be very wary you're placing your love one in a nursing home. Definitely do your homework very thoroughly before making a decision. You want to choose a home with the highest rating possible. You also want to check the web for consumer reviews and complaints against any perspective facility that you may be considering. You also want to check with the BBB and see if there are any complaints against that facility. I should also warn you that if you ever witnessed abuse against any resident whatsoever, definitely report it to the head department of nursing of that facility.
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We had similar problems with our mother. Two siblings who had little contact with Mom thoughout their adult lives wanted nevertheless to control her and her money. Catholic Charities (the entity contracted with the county to provide social services) was completely taken in by one of the long distance children and even intervened when Mom's doctor said Mom needed to not live at home due to conditions there (hoarding, no downstairs bath, repeated calls for fire and rescue due to leaving food in broiler, a fall in a snow drift and Mom's inability of get up while not dressed for outdoors, not paying her bills) resulting in his going back on his finding that Mom not live at home. My sister who did live near Mom had both POA and Medical POA but the other out of town sister (aided and abbeted by the out of town brother) convinced Mom to get on a plane to another state where she was beyond the jurisdiction of my sister who held the POA's. In my opinion local social services employees are in most cases incompetent. They need to attend classes on how to determine when warring siblings are sociopaths based on their behaviors and on past actions and on how to deal with the elderly who have Dementia. IMHO they as a group have little or no expertise and fail to grasp even the most basic understanding of symptoms of Dementia patients. They take a side and the end result is disastrous for the elderly person and for her children. My mom's estate was devasted with funding going for lawyers, guardians and homes which she had no need for had she followed the prescriptions she had made for herself before the onslaught of Dementia. The sister with the POA's was not working and had an apartment in her home set up for Mom so that she could provide her care. If anyone reading this comment has a similar situation in the Syracuse New York area seize control immediately using a competent elder care attorney because once your elderly relative is removed to another state there is little you can do to restore your legal POA's. Catholic Charities is incompetent and corrupt as are other contracting social service agencies employed by the local government there.
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Get an attorney,look into legal aid if your money is tight. Tell, the doctor to put his decision into writing.
State institutions are scary. But they are not as bad as the public thinks they are. She will have medical care available 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Healthy meals, and bathing and hygiene assistance as well. She will also have more opportunity to socialize. Many homes have Spanish speaking attendants, and care givers.
She will be safe from the unhealthy drug traffic.
Her living will should have her attorney's name address and phone number on it .
Good luck and big hugs.
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