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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
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Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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My mother in law has Dementia, and she calls me names and then denies saying it or she'll kick my foot and tell me to "be nice" after saying something rude to me. It's like a disassociative personality and even her doctor has witnessed it.
Do you want to know why? Is that the question? This feels like a rhetorical question. Or perhaps, you just needed to vent and share.
The reason is, she has dementia. Her mind is not under her control. She could possibly have some underlying mental illness which is showing itself.
Have you ruled out a UTI? This can cause unusual behavior such as you are experiencing. And it can be treated.
We all know how difficult it is dealing with someone who has literally "lost their mind". I'm sorry to say, it won't get better, and there is nothing you can do about it. You can learn more about her condition. And just know to expect odd behavior and unexpected insults. Try and ignore the things she says, and re-direct her attention to something more positive. Or, just turn your back and leave. Do not attempt to correct her or argue with her or ask her why she did something. It is futile to argue with someone with dementia. It will only result in more anger, confusion and hurt feelings - on both sides.
I wish you patience and a sense of humor as you navigate this new journey. You will need both to survive it!
I've just retired completely from being a caregiver for the last 17 years, so I'm aware of the behaviors associated with Dementia. The baffling questions, insisting she did something and knowing that she hasn't. It's frustrating because she only calls me names and not in front of my husband(her son).
Has she always been like this? My mom even when young didn't mind calling someone names or insulting them to their face. If this is a new thing, it's the dementia probably.
Dementia sometimes exaggerates behaviors or traits that were long suppressed. That’s one of many possible explanations. Truly, with dementia there are no rules of behavior. I’ve read your other answers, seems you’re completely burned out and resentful in this role. No judgment, just truth, an easy place to be in when you didn’t ask for the huge job and it’s not even your own mother. In your shoes, I’d firmly tell hubby and his family that I wasn’t doing it anymore, go back to work, and let them figure out a new plan. A burned out, resentful, frustrated caregiver isn’t good for their mother, and it’s certainly not good for you. I wish you peace
Because she has dementia which makes her unable to empathize, makes her self centered and lots of other ugly things. If her doctor has witnessed this behavior and is confused by it, then she needs a new doctor who understands dementia. Ugly behavior is one of many reasons Memory Care Assisted Living facilities are popping up on every street corner in the USA.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
This feels like a rhetorical question. Or perhaps, you just needed to vent and share.
The reason is, she has dementia. Her mind is not under her control. She could possibly have some underlying mental illness which is showing itself.
Have you ruled out a UTI? This can cause unusual behavior such as you are experiencing. And it can be treated.
We all know how difficult it is dealing with someone who has literally "lost their mind". I'm sorry to say, it won't get better, and there is nothing you can do about it. You can learn more about her condition. And just know to expect odd behavior and unexpected insults. Try and ignore the things she says, and re-direct her attention to something more positive. Or, just turn your back and leave. Do not attempt to correct her or argue with her or ask her why she did something. It is futile to argue with someone with dementia. It will only result in more anger, confusion and hurt feelings - on both sides.
I wish you patience and a sense of humor as you navigate this new journey. You will need both to survive it!