Why do some people grieve longer than others?

I imagine it’s the level of love involved in the relationship. My husband cried for 2 days when his cat died at 2 years old. This cat waited for him to come home from Work ( night turn). And slept with him all day. I ve been married over 30 years. That was the second time I saw him cry. When his dad died a few years ago, not one tear. They weren’t close. He is a good son, he did what he was expected to do. ( drive his mom back and forth to the hospital , just be there. But he and his dad weren’t friends. Not enemies either. His cat on the other hand was his buddy. He still talks about Little Kitty , who died 10 years ago

When people or animals are a part of our daily lives and daily routine, it makes the loss more apparent.

but also when someone with whom you've wanted to have a close relationship, but could never quite achieve it. the realization that it'll never be, can be devastating.

Dear Dadsdaughter74,

I never really understood grief till it happened with the passing of my father in 2016. I thought because I saw him every day I would not be as raw, but I was horribly sad and angry for a lot of 2017. People thought I would be over it in a month, but I wasn't.

Everyone's grief journey is so different. What was the relationship like? Did you see the person every day? What lead to their passing? Did they have long life? A short one? What was said? What wasn't said?

And yet my grandmother passed 2 months ago and I did not cry. All my siblings thought I would fall down but I didn't. I was still grieving my dad and almost felt like I had nothing left for anyone else.

In part I believe it is how we were brought up. With my parents, both were raised on a farm, so death of farm animals were the norm, thus whenever a sibling or a parent had passed, there was some emotion but life matched on. They were taught about the circle of life.

Thus, when my parents had passed they were in their mid-to-late 90's so they had a full wonderful life, and with the medical situations they were both in in their final months, it was blessing that they didn't need to suffer any more.

On the other hand, my sig other was the total opposite. He still grieves for his sister who had passed over 40 years ago, and his parents who had passed 10 years ago. He still writes on the kitchen calendar their date of passing. For the longest time I never knew much about his relatives accept for the day or week that they had died. My gosh, imagine living a lifetime and the only thing one person remembers about them was their passing.... [sigh]. But I had noticed my sig other's grown daughter does the same thing.

I think it's a cycle for a lot of people. Grief can hit us, over and over again, with years between.

How do you determine how long someone is grieving? We grieve in different ways and on different time-tables. Grief may hit all at once or it may come in waves. Comparing one person's grief with another person's is not very meaningful, in my opinion.

I agree with jeanne. My Mom has been gone now almost three years and yet sometimes it feels like I just spoke to her yesterday. I truly believe I was in shock for the first year and a half. Then numb for another year. Now I find I'm thinking about her a lot every day and dreaming about her all the time again.

I don't believe how long a person grieves or how they grieve has much to do with how much they loved the person. I've seen people who had estranged relations with a person all through their life and then when they died suddenly the waterworks started and vice versa. Grief is a personal thing.