I was called away for 2 months on assignment at a COVID-19 centre. Although the complete isolation was terrible at times, it was a nice break from constant caregiving. Finally my brothers had to find a way to make time for my parents.
I've been out a month now, and my parents have gone back into their habit of codependence. When I get time off, I usually spend the day with them.
Today, I decided to use my day off to go searching for wedding related material...you know...IE doing something FOR MYSELF.
A few minutes ago my dad calls me asking why didn't i call this morning...so I told him, I've busy...and he then begins lamenting that he was waiting on my visit this morning, because he finished his last tablet of his medication, and he doesn't want to always ask my older brother.
For the record, my father does NOT have dementia nor is he disabled, he is a perfectly able man who can drive to the pharmacy himself.
(1) if they were able to get their medications for 2 months without me, how come its so impossible to do ,now that I'm back.
(2) they start back their codependence which I hate....assuming that I have nothing else to do with my free time.
(3) I have visited my parents multiple times in the last month, and have warned Dad more than once, not to wait until their medication is on its last day to call me...assuming that I am free.
(4) every free day I have had, I visited my parents' and spent the whole day...the one day I decided to go do something for myself....its a problem ? And emergency ?
If you are convinced that he REALLY is just lazy, let him deal with it. It's not YOUR emergency; it's his.
But you need to talk to his doctor about a neuropsych evalaution.
I wish I had my Mom tested before her dementia became apparent.
Many are in "denial" because they can't deal with the fact that their LO's are declining in many different aspects.
I suggest being on the safe side and getting your Dad tested. Then you can call him lazy! :-)
Jenna
I ..(totally with all my faculties, I think..) thought that it was a good thing to do, one less item on my to do list. My doctor changed one of my prescriptions on a visit. My auto refill came and they had not discontinued the first medications but sent the new one with it. I called and was told the doctor had not discontinued the first medication just prescribed the second, (for the same condition, just a different (more expensive) medication. And I was told the other medication could not be returned. I discontinued auto fill right away and once the new medication was gone I went back to the other less expensive one. SO I guess my point is make sure that there is not a duplication if the doctor changes medication I think this is one reason some people are over medicated.
Comment here on codependency...this takes 2 to participate. I think once they realize you're not going to "play the game" any longer it may stop or at least lessen. Maybe "give" them 1 day a week and that might help them, when they call on Monday and say can you...stop them right away and say whatever you need we can do on Wednesday, that is the day that I set aside to help you with your errands so whatever it is it has to wait.
And if you know they have a 30 day supply or a 90 day supply I would make a not of it on my calendar at least 1 week in advance so you can monitor it. That way if one or more need doctor approval prior to being filled the call can be made (on Wednesday) so that when you go to get them there will not be a problem. It is good to note when they are due to run out even if you do an auto fill. Sort of a sneaky way to monitor if they are taking all their meds correctly.
I would also not be spending all my free time with them, unfortunately you have trained them that you would just be there. So, you have to change the dynamics of your actions and hopefully they will all start learning that you are not going to jump because they beckoned you.
Grrrrrrr! Your brother needs to grow up and help or fledge and let them figure out how to get help besides you. He gives them a sense of independence that is not real.
I find it hard to think that a man capable of all of the above would be considered senile / demented.
Yes, I know that with age comes decline, but my dad is not at that stage yet. It is....laziness.
My older brother lives with my parents ,yet Dad will literally leave his medication until the last day, if it coincides with my day off-call, instead of just asking my older brother.
My older brother (who passed away) said the same words you wrote about our Mom who was also able to drive, follow the news, garden, and even more. He was in denial that my Mom was in the beginning stages of dementia.
I noticed slight changes but didn't have my Mom evaluated, my fault. At that time I lived in another state and could only visit for a few days. Looking back I wish I did make plans to bring her to a doctor but I didn't.
Again, what do you have to lose by getting your Dad to a doctor just to be on the safe side? What if it was dementia?
If you had serious pain and someone said that you were making it up how would that make you feel? I'm sure you would make an app't with the right doctor for yourself to find out what was going on. Again, just to be on the safe side.
Full Stop.
My former MIL loved to play these sort of games. For her it ensured someone came for a visit. For me, working 6 days a week it was a PITA. Her sones were not interested in stepping up. Prescriptions and groceries.
I would be there one day, calling before I came over to ask if she needed anything, nope. The next day she was out of milk.
I got her RX’s moved up a pharmacy that does free local deliveries.
After her neighbour called me to give me hell because she needed groceries, I read her the riot act and signed her up for grocery delivery too. I had been to her house 3 of the last 7 days.
It would be nice for a change if Bro#2 who LIVES WITH THEM, would call to say..."hey I noticed Dad's Rx running low in the next few days" ...then I would know at least someone else is paying attention. He managed to do it for 2 whole months whilst I was away on assignment.
Now that I'm around again, he suddenly forgot how to check ?