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Im not upset that i take care of mom.(i stay with her or its a nursing home...not!)I'm early 50's ..she is late 70's..don't know where to begin..i need the help of my sister ..late 40's..we both have children and grandchildren..but my sister .. Always excuses
.no help what so ever..for 7 months I broke a bone in my knee..I was on a walk, wheelchair, etc..not allowed to put foot on floor..I still took care of my mom. She is on a walker.. My sister less than 15 minutes from our house..came 2 times!..twice I took mom to an er 100 miles away to her Dr. On a walker myself..she kept calling but never offered to help..I'm at my witts end.. Mom won't say anything to her .. Tells me she is but won't..I've kept my mouth to a low ..but I am so stressed..every time I try to get through to her.. Excuses excuses excuses!..any advice

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get used to it. It is what it is. In some family's the siblings feel ZERO obligation and then its one person who gets stuck carrying the whole load. Get ready for lots of Anger, unless your ready to let this start sliding off your back, block her from your life and move on. your life will be less stressful because you wont be hearing all the excuses anymore. trust me, Im there right now myself !!! 5 living daughters, yet it is me and me ALONE when it comes to mom....
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I am glad you are not upset that you are the one taking care of Mother. That was your choice. Take full credit for it.

Your sister made a different decision. I can understand why this disappoints you, but it is what it is.

In the realm of taking care of Mom, consider yourself an only child. Of course you need help! Since you are an only child, learn about community resources and other ways to get it. You CANNOT count on your siblings. The sooner you accept that and get on with making other arrangement, the better!
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I get that not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver but I'm continually shocked by the lack of just kindness or empathy for your own parent and sibling. Surely they have some idea of how hard it is?

My God.. this poor woman was on a walker herself taking her mom to the ER!
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suzieq - welcome to the club. I don't know why some siblings are content to allow others to carry the whole load even when they know how hard it is, but many of us are faced with the same situation. Instead of thinking "it isn't fair that Sis has to do everything for Mom while I do nothing" they think "Whew! I'm glad Sis is taking care of Mom so I'm off the hook." It bites, but it is what it is. Many sibling relationships have soured or completely fractured over parent care issues.
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Thank God you don't have siblings who call Adult Protective Services on you and your mother like mine did. They have been to my mother's house 12 times in 9 months and sheriffs office 9 times. Of course now they know the complaints are all lies. However, it put me and my wife thru hell for a year not to mention upsetting my mother who has dementia and 86 years old,
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Suz, some of us are able to provide care for our folks and aome are not. Why was it me that provided care for four years with little help from sibs? Because I was the one able to handle it emotionally. One sib would have been an emotional mess and she is a therapist the other is quite the nervous type, quite impatient, and very busy with her own life. That was just the way it was. I say was because busy sib, mom's POA, moved her to a memory care facility three months ago. Neither sis believed what I was telling them about how bad mom's dementia was getting it was easier for them to maintain their denial. But, with the move they are now just beginning to understand. So, you should be proud of yourself, know you are able to provide the care, and do a good job of it while sibs do not even believe what is happening to their mom. Caregiving is in most cases a completely thankless job! You need to get to the point that nothing sibs do or say is gong to bother you. Call it a character building exercise. You are a very strong person that you are the one child that is compassionate and understanding, be very proud of that!
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Katiekay, I think that's exactly the point - no, they have no idea of how hard it is. And that is a case of 'out of sight, out of mind' - in other words, they have no idea because they are not obliged to think about it. They're not there.

The answer for this OP, maybe, is to be specific. When sister calls, have in mind a particular thing that you would like her to do and ask her to do it. Wait for her to offer and you will wait in vain, because she doesn't know what needs doing and it is unrealistic to expect her to work it out. Not unreasonable nor unfair, but unrealistic. It won't happen.
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You know if you think back you might recall that your sib hasn't really changed. You were probably always the kinder and compassionate one. Your sib I will bet was never a good listener, probably didn't get choked up over movies or real life sad situations, probably preferred to talk about herself and probably had little patience with the problems of others. Hard to change people's basic personalities.
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Here's completely fractured!
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Here's never to heal again!
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