Why are senior men such pack rats?

The typical man has a growing stash of stuff he plans to fix "some day", as well as all the new toys he feels he deserves because he "works hard". Oh, and once they retire they "helpfully" take control of the budget and purchase things in bulk, but then keep finding deals on more... and more. LOL

Yes, they do.

My father built a fort of plastic boxes around him. They were boxes that held the hand wipes. I imagined that they had all kinds of useful things and mementos that he wanted to keep close. After he died I discovered that the treasure boxes were mostly empty. A few of them had a few little trinkets that weren't worth anything. The rest of the fort was just empty boxes. Maybe they gave him a sense of security, or maybe he felt he would need them one day. They all made it to the recycle bin when he was gone.

He also saved all the bills and records going back to the 1980s. It took me weeks to get everything shredded. He bought a lot of stuff in his last few years that were really silly. Most of it was worthless, much not even worth donating -- trinkets and fake medals and fake coins. Oy. He had a job where he had to order things, so I think ordering stuff was a holdover from his early days. He had just lost the organization and reasoning that keeps it meaningful. Men! What can you say?

When it came time for me to remove everything from my parents house, I found tons of pill bottle caps... I think maybe they were "trophies" for being able to open up those prescription and over-the-counter containers :)

And yes, old things he wanted to fix or to use as parts for other items.  Oh also his pay stubs and income taxes going back decades, hey you never know when you want to see what payroll taxes were taken out of that 1952 paycheck !!

My Mom saved old sneakers. A couple of sets were for indoor use... couple of sets for yard work..... and brand new ones for doctor appointments.

Now my sig other, who is a senior like I am, doesn't save anything, not even bill invoices. Thus if he needs to call an utility company or whatever, he has nothing to reference.... [sigh]... so saving and not saving has its issues.

Anyone else's sig other addicted to the internet? I'm embarassed to see the mailman - anything he can think of he might possibly need - Amazon, E-Bay etc. We get at least a package a day. Things keep coming in, and nothing goes out. He doesn't have "time" to go through the 15 pairs of jeans, 22 shirts, etc only a few which he wears, or the cameras, or all the rest. It just keeps collecting dust and building up. Sometimes I want to run away. I love being in our camper - there is just so much room and I have a place for everything. I feel so unburdened there!

Oh lordy! The sneakers! Yes, I had about 5 pairs, one for dog walking, one for gardening and one for good. I just threw away the gardening one! LOL!

Yep, the saving! My FIL had his own place, and yes, he also has receipts and tax records from the 1960's!!  The 60's!!!  We're starting to sort and burn it.  Good times.  He also has boxes and boxes of random stuff; much of his stuff is still there, but slowly, my husband is bringing the "stuff" (I use that term loosely, what I want to say is cr@p) over to OUR house!! The other day, DH was at FIL's house, and I told him to just bring the necessities - cold weather clothes, and Dad's beloved coffee maker. DH arrives home with an SUV full of cr@p!!! I told him if he brings home one more thing from Dad's, I'm putting something of hubby's in the trash. And I'm serious.

Honestly, I think it's the WW2 generation. They remember a time when you had to save and re-use EVERYTHING - whether it be a piece of metal, an old shirt, or wrapping paper. My own father has a 4 car garage with no cars in it - and it's FULL!! Floor to ceiling. I told him that when he passes away, I'm not dealing with it, I'll just put a sign out front that says, "Make an Offer."

Between my mother and father, their house was unlivable when I arrived. It took 2 years to get some semblance of sanity to the place. Their are still two rooms and three closets that are nightmarish. I've thought the best thing I could do is to put a For Sale sign in front of the house, and include "All occupants and contents included."

Quote: "I've thought the best thing I could do is to put a For Sale sign in front of the house, and include "All occupants and contents included."

LOL!! Ah, at least we can fantasize, right? ;)

Sounds like I'm going to have to live with it. My mother remarried years ago - to a packrat (when they moved we found a toilet seat in the basement, and a rotten park bench) She did her best while they were married, used to take one thing a week and put it in the bottom of the garbage can!

My mom is a pack rat and she is 82 years old. When she was living in her apartment, she saved everything. Under the guise of trying not to damage the apartment she would cover all doorknobs with toilet tissue. Her pocketbook is always teaming with newspapers, toilet tissues, notes to herself, etc. I think senior men as well as women are pack rats these days.

Dad was WWII/Depression era. Same thing. Saved everything. The auctioneers who gave us an estimate thought they had a handle on it. Took them way longer. Every corner, places they couldn't really see, full of stuff. All cared for and organized, but full. They were incredulous at the endless supply of old chairs and furniture coming out of the attic. One said you could have opened up a business!

When Dad passed I did have panic attacks over it - a first for me. I was executor and I was absolutely overwhelmed. Also I was grieving and emotional - family home, stuff of several generations. It felt like such a burden.
I was immobilized until my wonderful sister came and said - "OK we're doing this with that... etc..." got things moving.

I think the Depression was a big factor. Plus the pride of providing for the family and being self sufficient. And as someone said, the rewards for their hard work.
Also my Dad was creative and always had a project going. He actually used a lot of his "stuff". And then there is the "man cave" thing - a place to get away with all the things they use and like in it. His was the garage and the cellar. Both chock full.

God bless 'em.

I don't give so much credit to the Depression. I know in my mother's case it was laziness. They had 3 back rooms after the kids moved out. When something was no longer useful, it was easier to stick it in one of the back rooms than it was to donate it. It was easier to set the decorated synthetic Christmas tree in the back room and pull it out the next year. Pretty soon the three rooms were impassable. In 2005 we had a major cleanup effort just to clear paths to walk through. In 2009 we had to repeat the cleanup before I moved in to do the main part of it.

It was easier to let the boxes of paperwork mount up than it was to sort through it and shred. It was easier to just keep buying food than it was to figure out what was needed. I don't blame the Depression when lack of will explains things nicely. Of course, I grew up here so I got to experience lazy as I was growing up. Our parents are just humans, though we like to think of them as above the common human faults. Even lazy people have kids.

I agree Jesse, there are men and women pack rats in every generation. Sometimes it is laziness, sometimes it's something pathological, sometimes things just get away on people as their health declines and they are unable to keep up. Lets face it, almost all of us have way more "stuff" than we need.

cwillie. Yep, which is why I'm on a campaign to get rid of anything I don't use. All of a sudden it has become a heavy weight.
Patooski, I know just what you mean. When my mother's husband died, she was in her 80's and left things as they were. When we moved her to IL, my sister and I both had panic attacks getting rid of stuff. After a while, we just started chucking it all in the dumpster because if she didn't need it, if we didn't want it - what were we to do with it? Put it in our cellars? No way. I guess that's why I'm on a campaign to get rid of stuff - because I realize you can't take it with you. That means if you are not using it and you don't need it, there is no sense to have it!

My mother saves used Dunkin donuts coffee cups and my father has all his clothes from 1950 on plus he likes to pick up towels from the tennis club (he stopped playing last year).

Too late to go back and fix the grammar and punctuation.He really hasn't had all his clothes on since 1950

One thing my divorce did for me was to make me unload all the refuse in my life. The only things I have now are my computer, clothes, rabbit, and inventory. Alas, everything else around me will pass to me in the will. Thinking about this, dying the week before my mother is starting to sound better. My brothers would have to deal with the multiple albatrosses. Maybe I'll just take the first flight to an unknown destination and let them deal with everything, anyway. Then I wouldn't have to die first.

What a great question and hilarious responses. Just emptied my folks place last month. Fortunately...no pack rats...but savers...children of the Depression. In my case...and maybe for some of you...look carefully at pockets, envelopes etc. Open everything. I had a friend help me. She said when she cleared out her parents place she found $900. When we worked on mom's place, my friend found $1500. Of course junk is junk, but check things that could hold surprises.

Hi, AmyGrace:

It seems to be true that people "hoard" more as they become elderly. I don't think it's restricted to one gender, but I do find that there are more men than women who are hopeless pack-rats. (I am married to one, so I know.)

It's a losing battle to try to change the behavior of a life-long pack rat. We all become set in our ways with the aging process, and I sense that our worst qualities often become "enhanced" while our body gradually declines. I also believe that having "stuff" gives some people a sense of security; everything else in their life may be falling apart but, by golly, they still have their possessions.

I've just accepted the fact that if my husband dies first, I will need to hire somebody to help me clean out the house. I've told my husband that he has the "Midas touch" - where everything he touches turns to crap, rather than gold!

Sneak it out little by little, chances are he won't notice. My father bought from bradford exchange to the point the boxes were piled up to the ceiling. All junk. You couldn't tell him anything. I had to get to the mailbox before he did and throw out all the bradford exchange mail and advertising. They are vultures. A scourge on society, they take advantage of the elderly. For your own sake, get rid of what you can. Good luck.

First, age has little to do with "pack-rattery" and be thankful that instead of sitting like a lump, at least he is doing something with his rearranging. I can only imagine how this is driving you crazy - but still better than his sitting and not doing anything, which is the stage my DH is in.

When the time comes to move, you'll call in the Boy Scouts and they will assist you in boxing, moving and dumping. When you ask, The Lord will provide.

Start throwing things out without him knowing. And should he ask "Where is my...", just answer you don't know. When we moved my folks out of their house 5 years ago to move into Independent Living we paid for 2 tonnes of garbage at the dump of things they never even realized were gone. They left the packing to us. Now that Dad has passed mom has moved into her own condo and again more "stuff" got tossed. Who needs 6 flyswatters? But her new condo looks great, clear of junk and she loves it.

Many good comments here. 1. Look in every drawer, jacket pocket and purse/wallet. I found a silver dollar, and old savings bond, and some treasured family photos.
2. Look now on auction sites for what may have some value to someone else. I did find out that many younger folks are not interested in the furniture, knick-knacks, ect, for something to use in their own home. A few items from the 40's and 50's are considered "retro" and may sell well if in good condition at auction. Something I learned from turning to an auction house -- as much as I anticipated the items being "showcased" and getting a large bid -- it's not reality. So much stuff is going to auction these days as the WWII and Depression-era persons pass away. The auction houses are batching as "glassware" for instance and selling the lot in one box at a low price to keep it moving. If you really have a good memory of it -- keep it a few years before deciding. If not -- take a photo for your memories and let it go.
3. If some of you have a house that is not under sale that moment, then it's not as big a panic. Try sorting smartly and thoroughly in under 30 days to clear all like I had to do. That was a real panic. I did the best I could. The proceeds went to a "personal spending" account for my parent when she went to a nursing home. It was only a few hundred dollars. She was sure all "her stuff" would bring many thousands. Luckily my auction broker wrote down a pretty good listing of items as proof in sale. Hope this helps.

Yes, My mother is finally in Assisted Living and is starting to forget her house...some days. My father had been a packrat of spare parts, old magazines, etc. Now when he was younger he was able to use those things to repair and even make new things (he built a beautiful garden arbor from scrap lumber and old turned sections from tables and chairs). My mother never saw a piece of decor she didn't want. She had everything from their sold summer home, her share of her parent's and brother's houses and my brothers entire household (who was no slouch at collecting in his lifetime). The main rooms look fine if a tad cluttered. But the basement, garage, attics and upstairs are positively packed. I have been slowly weeding stuff out but it's exhausting. I open a drawer and there are 110 old and new toothbrushes. Shortly before my father died I found him sitting in the basement trying to sort and toss. He looked defeated and said to me mournfully, " I am so sorry." I remember that as I go through this painful dismantling.

All of this is a good argument against "aging in place" and letting your children clean up the final horrendous mess. After my husband's death, I sold our house and moved to a smaller apartment with just enough storage for my clothes and a few mementos. I now have a gentleman friend whose house I won't even go into because of all the accumulated junk. He's a great dinner and traveling companion and we share a lot of common interests, but no way would I ever marry or even move in with him.

So many of us have pack rat tendencies! I took advantage of this and had 2 huge FREE garage sales of my Mom’s stuff. People will take anything for free and it was cheaper than dumpsters (I’d already filled 13 of those.) Put signs up around the area and a free ad on Craigslist. Everything went!! Of course, All family members had taken all the treasures we could fit into our homes beforehand. It’s so hard to part with “stuff” but my motto is to “keep it moving.” I was happy to see her things going to new homes. I had a box of old paper bags for shoppers to use and someone walked up and took the whole box, lol. Unfortunately, during the second sale, someone took my folding table I had placed lots of items on!!! Oh well, one less thing to store.

Free stuff will go in minutes if you live on a busy highway.

Oh, the stories I could tell. My husband is a hoarder. If I had not learned to be able to walk by it without looking at it, I would have had to check myself into the looney bin. He is always organizing, and I mean always. My kids and I cannot stand it. There is stuff everywhere and to me it's depressing. I also have my 89 yr old mother with Alzheimer's with me and managing the two of them is hard enough. Now on top of it all I have been told my job is being outsourced! So that looney bin may come in handy after all. I did tell my husband that the day after he passes, I'm shoving it all to the curb and not looking back. So if there are things he needs to do with them, he'd better get it done. I don't think he believes me, but I'm serious. I have never been able to park in the garage and I look forward to it! To top it all, I just looked down and realized I have on 2 different colored socks today! Ha! Haha!

My mother was a lifelong hoarder, packrat, and clutterer. She kept accumulating things her whole life and wasn't able to throw anything away. The garage was a garbage dump. She could never put her car in the garage for 23 years in this house or for 35 years in her previous house. The garage had no visible floor space. Same with the 2nd bedroom. I changed her bedding for 15 years before she had the stroke. The bedroom was so cluttered with bags and boxes of stuff; junk mail and papers, that I had to climb over the bed to change the sheets. There was a path about 9 inches wide through the hallway and the bedroom to her side of the bed. The day she had her massive stroke the EMTs had a hard time getting the stretcher to the bedroom because there was only so much stuff I could move in a hurry. I have been trying to make the house more livable for the past 2 years. I can now see floor in the garage and 2nd bedroom. Even though I keep moving things out of the house in the form of garbage, recycling, and donations, there is always much more. She just kept buying things, much of which she never used. Many things were never even opened; still in the boxes it came in. Half of her clothes were never worn; still in the original packaging. Every drawer and closet is still packed with stuff. She had clothes all over the house in every room. Right now it looks like a normally cluttered house instead of a horrendously cluttered house. When I get the garage cleared some more I can start bringing the stuff down from the attic. More packed stuff up there. I don't know what makes someone like this. I am the exact opposite. I like to own a minimal of things.