Why are old people so cranky??!

I would not try to justify his bad behavior. He should be told that the child is more important and he plays nice or he moves out.

He is abusing your niece and you have to protect her from his a$$holeness.

Maybe you could climb his frame in the same manner as he is doing to her to open his eyes.

I have never been around old people that didn't love kids. I can't imagine being nasty to a child that has been taken out of their home and away from their parents. He needs to go to a old folks home.

If your parents are living with you in your house then you call the shots. It is admirable for you to take your niece in but the treatment she is experiencing with your father is abusive. She was already in that type of environment so sadly she is not being helped.

There are countless reasons why some elderly people become mean. That is the stark reality. I do feel strongly that you need to do all you can to stop the pattern your father has developed towards your niece. I imagine he does not like the change to his living environment. This child needs the help you can provide and your father needs to STOP treating her so poorly. That is your responsibility and I hope you find a solution. Otherwise you might as well send her back home.

How old is your father? Some of the behavior is possibly due to cognitive decline and the wearing out of his "filters". In aging people become less teachable...they are forgetting behaviors, not learning new or adjusting to new ones.

All old people aren’t cranky and all old men aren’t grouchy. If your father isn’t capable of change, which is likely, it’s your job to protect a little girl from abusive comments that she doesn’t deserve. You’re caught in the middle and that’s no fun, but please err on the side of looking out for her

Your dad could have cognitive decline that is causing him to lose his filter or maybe, he's just cranky, because, he feels threatened by the attention your niece is getting. Seniors can be very selfish and stubborn. I've noticed that since spending more time with them. My parents are very tolerant of children, but, if the child took attention from them, I'm not sure how they might react. Plus, I think seniors often think they are right and things should go the way they want. Probably, because they are wise and know better than others. lol

I'm not sure how to turn your dad's behavior around. Maybe, he could share one o hisf hobbies with her or do a project together like a puzzle. If he's that against her, I'd likely try to make arrangements for dad to be elsewhere, while you are caring for the niece.

I could NEVER live with a cranky, grouchy old person. He is in your home and you need to put your foot down now!! Poor niece, she has been through enough according to your post. She needs love and kindness. We need a little more information on the health of your father. Is this new behavior, or has he always been the grouchy type? I would rethink living arrangements. Life is too short for this. I could never live with someone and take care of them 24/7 if I heard complaints, yelling and grouchiness all day long, it would drive me nuts. Perhaps he needs a psy evaluation, follow up with PCP. and a little medication to ease some of his built-up anger issues, and possibly depression. What ever the reason for such behavior, it is not acceptable. You need to find a solution now !I Your parents are living in your home, and you call the shots. Be strong and firm in a loving and kind way.

Does he wear hearing aids?

Being an a$$hole doesn't change. Actually, it gets worse especiallly iff there are any health problems. With my Dad it was heart problem.

You need to chose between your niece and your parents. You are providing her with the same environment she left. She needs to have a safe place to land. She has to put up with this man 24/7.

What I see is a sit down with Dad without the child present. Tell him his behaviour is not going to be tolerated anymore. That he is abusing this child. She needs to be allowed to be a child. If he can't live with the child, then he and Mom will need to find other accommodations.

I also suggest that if finding your parents somewhere else to live is not an option, than you may need to find your niece another home. I also hope she is getting some counselling. She is approaching an age where girls start to act out. Believe me, you don't need the problems that come with that and caring for parents too. And if and when she acts out, she will need your undivided attention.

Your niece left a bad environment and landed in another one. Better, I'm sure than what she came from, but at age 11? She's still growing and processing and someone telling her daily she's garbage--well, she's going to believe it.

I personally would choose the younger generation over the older in this case.

Lay down the law with dad. He speaks kindly to her (and others, too) or he GOES.

I had an uncle who was verbally abusive to his own kids--and ONCE to me (I was absolutely terrified of him). He was yelling at my cousin and I bravely(!) told him to leave her alone! NOBODY ever talked back to him, ever. He was shocked, and actually kind of admired my 'spunk'.

His kids were SO messed up. It was just tragic.

Getting old doesn't mean you're going to be a jerk. You just become more of what you already were.

My Dh is not accepting aging with much grace. He's only 68, but our kids are speaking up to him now and not allowing his sh&t to bug them. He thinks he's funny, I'll tell him flat out, he's being a jerk. He CAN be the nicest guy in the world--but can also be a complete idiot. I call him on his crap, all the time.

Because we have been in charge most of our lives and it’s hard to adjust having our kids be in control.

Well I just had to say that not all "old people are cranky"
I've worked with a lot of seniors.. and I found the majority to be lovely.

I'm married to an azzhole. I understand what you are saying. He has definitely gotten worse since retirement and heart surgery. I have one foot out the door.

I am for also..... your niece stays...and dad has to go. This child should be able to live in an environment where she is loved and with your dad there, obviously this is not going to happen. Yep... between the two, please..please... please... your dad is not going to change; he has no respect for anyone and so he is the one that has to go. The niece has much time ahead of her and she deserves the best. Your dad has made his choices. Let him then reap the consequences. Also.... your dad could very well have some dementia and if that is the case, it is only going to get worse..........much worse for him and everyone else he is around. You all deserve some peace and "lovliness" in your home and that will not happen with him there. Hugs to you

Lots of reasons. here are just a few:
1. He’s a narcissist. Too many reasons in just this reason to list so look it up.
2. He doesn’t like children and yes, there are people who don’t like children. For example, people who weren’t raised with others, or whose parents weren’t kind to them, and often some of us love our children but aren’t so taken with others kids.
3. If he has a chronic ailment or chronic pain, it’s awful hard to cater to others and to be perfect and proper. You can’t be sweet and bubbly when you always have no less than level 7 pain 24/7.
4. Someone else brought up hearing. My husband got so upset with himself because he couldn’t hear me and had to repeat himself. Said he grew up being told to speak up and didn’t like seeing that issue with himself. He has hearing aids but it’s not as good as the natural ability to hear.
5. Fear. It’s scary getting old and losing so many things: physical and mental abilities, privacy, independence, self confidence and others losing confidence in them, etc.

So yes we can be *ssholes and grouchy as we get old, and get tired of apologizing for it. Just like when we are young, angry. entitled, obnoxious know-it-all’s and do stupid things until we’re about 40. So somewhere in there we all get about 20-30 years of happiness, respect, physical and mental fitness, companionships and camaraderie, and independence.

I’m 64 with chronic back/hip pain. My husband is 76 with chronic gouty arthritis and often unable to get around well. My mother is 95 who has end stage CHF and dementia and lives with us too. We are not a happy household most of the time. My husband and I love and respect each other, thank God. Mom is not able to understand much anymore and is a terror even with medication. Life has been mostly tough with some good times thrown in here and there. Yes, we all are grouchy but hubby and I give each other a smile and a thumbs-up to keep a goin’ and to hang in there.

He may not be able to help it ..It may not be that he won’t be less nasty , but that he can’t be less nasty. He is who he is. You have a very difficult road ahead of you. All of the comments here are worth reading , I don’t agree with all of them . Your dad might be experiencing some jealousy there, too . There must be reasons that your parents are with you as there are reasons your niece is with you . You will not be able to reason with your dad , you have already said he had always had a mean streak . The child, her future outlook on life and her self worth would be my major concern. Are there reasons that you are alone in all of this ? Are there other people or agency’s that could be brought in to help ? My best suggestion would be to find a good CareTakers meeting for yourself. You will not be able to help anyone if you don’t take care of yourself. Prays and a Program ..

I obviously can't address the entire situation, but here are a few "tidbits" that may be of help:

1) You didn't mention your father's age, but I was wondering whether he was either affected by the Great Depression, or if he grew up in a family in which his parents were from "the old country". If either or both of these are true, it may be that he has the attitude that "this is not a restaurant, and if you don't like what's being served, then you can consider yourself to have already eaten" toward a picky eater. However, your own experience having grown up as his child should give you some insight into this (unless you were willing to eat anything served such that this issue never came up).

2) Some people don't like a lot of "traffic" in a house. My father used to get irritated if my sister or I "came in one door and went out the other". I never quite understood the logic of this or why it was objectionable, but perhaps your father is (or has become) this way.

3) Has your father ever had a stroke? I had an uncle who suffered a stroke, and in addition to becoming partly paralyzed, he often stayed away from certain family situations, such as parties, because, as I was told, any kind of "commotion" bothered him.

Three generations under one roof and my own offspring thinks very little of me? I'd probably be cranky too.

my sympathy to you. How very difficult it must be to try to take care of both a child and a helpless adult.All old people are not cranky; not at all. As a whole, we are sweeter and more amiable than the rest of the population. There are many possible reasons for yourdad's bad attitude and rudeness. Old age is not one of them. Drug use, pain, dementia; there might be many things causing crankiness.Deopending upon his age, mental and physical condition, and financial situation, it might be best if at all possible to try to put your dad into a good assisted living place near to you where you could visit him at least weekly.This would give you an optimal opportunity to try to raise your neice really wellObviously, her needs should come first.God bless you all.

He just may not like her. My mother does not like my son because she does not like his father. Grandparents are wierd like this. Just remind him that he is in your house and that he needs to respect everyone in it, including your niece.

People do change and get cranky with age. My mom is like this; she is 82 years old and very difficult to be with for more than 2 hours. I always think something will change and I would really enjoy her but she is so set in her ways and her body hurst all over that she is just grouchy! Oh, and she argues with me and hangs up the phone if I express how I feel. She never wants to be in a position of vulnerability so she hangs up instead so she has some power.

Those reading your E Mail may not truly know enough to make a judgement.If and only if you are being very honest, my advice was good. However, possibly, you are not very nice yourself and possibly you never really loved and respected your father.You do describe him very rudely. Are you justified in that or not. i cannot know.

He is jealous of the attention she gets as well as her youth in general.

Set a ground rule for zero tolerance of nastiness. Basic “Starting today, if we all can’t say something nice around here , we don’t say anything at all: no dirty looks, snide remarks or verbal negative sounds of any kind in order for us all to live together we need to adjust how we talk to each other”.

Keep in mind that includes everyone, in case you might be gruff when talking to him? Or you may harbor some resentment towards him?Sometimes it’s just a family habit of being “honest” to mask resentment and jealousy.

Well...he had all your attention before your niece moved in. Now he is "second fiddle"
Why will the first child act out when the baby comes?
Have a sit sown discussion with him and tell him "Susie Q" is here to stay. Your goal is to provide a safe and loving environment for her, if he does not want to help with that goal then you will help him (them) find other living arrangement for him. An apartment, Independent Living or Assisted Living that will fit his / their needs. (I am guessing your mom does not have the same issues but same goes for her as well)
Have a sit down discussion with your niece.."Susie Q" and tell her that "Pop" is old and he is sort of comfortable the way things were but he will try his best but you also have to try to get along as well, respect their space, treat both Pop and Mom with respect. And find time each day to sit and talk to them. Learn about them. They will learn about her as well.

All old people are well advised to make plans while they are still in good mental health for the time when they may become in need of constant help. It is best to plan to never move into someone els's houehold nor to bring someone else into your household.Make plans now to hire help for yard work, cleaning, maintenance, etc.; and then to go into a truly good assisted living facility in a good location when and if you should become unable to manage your own affairsStay in your own home by just hiring extra help for as long as possible. then go to a great assisted living facility you have chosen ahead of time. Advise your doctor and any appropriate people of your plans ahead of time. It is almost always best to avoid ever trying to live in someone els's house or to bring anyone to live in your house. There are, of course, a few exceptionsto this rule. There are a very few rare situations where middle aged children do really lovinglly care for their elderly parents with the parents being polite and grateful.I personally know one such. however, i believe it is very rare for two households to combine amicably.

He's a egotistical old man who thinks he can rule the roost like he probably has his whole life. Put him in his place and tell him if he doesn't back off, you're going to find him another place to live and it could be less than desirable than now. And...do it! Show him a list. Let him hear conversations to facilities so he knows you are serious. He's lived his life. It's time to care for that poor girl, who desperately needs someone to count on. Good luck and keep that backbone strong!

Please ask your father what bothers him to start with. Any pain, like arthritis? Perhaps since times have now changed, is he mad because he cannot control things he formerly enjoyed, such as activities have stopped because of COVID-19? Changes may make older people irritable; not to be taken too personally yet draw the line what is accepted reactions.

Some men (and some women) really do not like kids very much. Your dad is no doubt annoyed by her presence in his living space. If he is something of a curmudgeon anyway, he will have no reluctance to express his irritation.

I moved my 84 yo uncle to live with me but that was a mistake. He was so rude to me and always yelling at me that I finally had my son take him in. I was so stressed that my hair began falling out and I had just got out of the hospital. My uncle says that the kids steal his food and that they talk about him behind his back. He doesn't like one of my son's friend and is rude to him. He calls me and only within minutes he starts yelling at me, so I hang up and I don't him from him for a week or so.

Sometimes it may be that people who have not lived around kids in a while, get really tired and annoyed with the activity kids bring to a home. On the other hand, was he a grumpy father to you? Or was he a loving, doting guy that is acting totally opposite now? My guess would be he expected you to eat what was on the table, you had very little junk food, and you all toned it down when he was home - played by his rules, so to speak. Maybe he has changed very little, but you understand this child was raised differently. You understand, but he doesn't get it.

Have a chat with the kid and just tell her old people get cranky and you're sorry he behaves that way. Then, privately, have a chat with him about being a little kinder to a kid that needs some love. Maybe he doesn't really understand what her situation was.

Have you heard that saying "if Mama ain't happy, nobody's gonna be happy"? That is said in jest but it started because it is TRUE. One person can make the whole household unhappy to the point of being toxic. I would put a stop to this right now as suggested by several other posters on here by telling him to stop that mess right now. I don't know what kind of health your parents are in and obviously, your mother is there too since you said "parents". I don't know if she could get through to him or not since most times, the spouse of a grouchy person isn't even counted by the grouch. My son calls people like that "ants on the picnic". They will steal your joy in a skinny minute because they can if you tolerate it. Your home seems to be the place family members come to in troubled times. You are to be commended. However, if they lug in bad attitudes, trouble, continued unhappiness, then it is not your home anymore. It is just a "house". A home should be comfortable and a refuge of safety & happiness as much as possible. Let me end my little opinion here by saying that children remember how people treated them for the rest of their lives. If your Dad is being hateful to this child, this just adds to her unstable life she had with her own parents. Maybe things will change & she can go back to a parent. She is not winning anywhere it seems. She needs laughter/happiness in her life especially right now. Something to think about. Who needs the most help. Your parents or the niece?????? If he can't change, she will be looking for other places/friends to be with so as not to be around him. Good luck to you.

My mom is cranky and rude too. With brain issues I found that sometimes noises and kids movements make them crankier that’s why my mom can not live with us. Telling them they are rude, cranky and irritable does nothing to improve behavior. I was told by doc that as it progresses it will get worse.