Why am I upset?

Why are you upset? You answered your own question. With great answers! I hope you get things figured out. I feel for you. It's just all so much.

Thanks. But, Mom is getting the message from the no contact.
I am steel, she is not, never has been.
I learned it with therapy years ago.
I am trying to make her find her voice.....it’s not easy.
I feel bad for her.
I have much belief in faith.....not religious exactly, but have delved much into the Bible over the years.....I wanted, had to, recognise....there is something greater than we will ever understand at work during our lives.
Just always trying to be the best soul I could be.

You are much braver than I am, I could never have my mother live with me. I would possibly be "looking good" in stripes..locked up for many years! I have a brother who walks on water.. he can do no wrong, no matter what. My retirement years have not been golden and I am starting to resent all this caretaking stuff.

Very few of us ever saw how living with/caring for a parent would play out. Some of us or perhaps most of us never saw the h3ll coming our way. So don't feel bad. I never thought my mother and brother would gang up on me, but they did! Almost 3 yrs later now they want to be my friend, brother and what not, to much hurt feelings, broken heart, and unfriendly words left in the air. Nope, I am not my brother's sister and my mother is someone I take care of. I am a Shell to them. I do what is right by my mother because that is what I believe God wanted, but I am emotional detach. I have to be to take care of me and my BF and my fur babies. Do I love my mother...yes, but I make sure that I don't suffer from it any longer! And yes I am planning a future life! May God guide me to it.

This too shall pass!
Good luck in finding your way through the dark. And also good for you for sticking up for yourself:)

You are brave and strong!

Lots of hugs!!