Why am I paralyzed?

In my non-medical opinion, you sound depressed. I would see a doctor and tell him/her how you feel, and be open to an anti-depressant. No shame in it, some people just need it for a short time.

Care givers need time away once in a while and your husband is never going to "let" you go because it scares him to think of someone else caring for him. You have to stand up for yourself and your own sanity and plan time away from him occassionally.

Go spend a week with your daughter. Make a plan to do it and don't let anything get in your way. While you're at it, make lots of plans to do fun things that you enjoy! 1987 was a very long time ago and caring for a sick father is no picnic. Time for you to start living for yourself!

Take the week with your daughter! Do not feel guilty. You deserve it. If you don't take care of yourself, no one else will. If you become ill from stress you are no help to your husband.

First take your week to be with your daughter. Being paralyzed and unable to act is a symptom of depression. When you return, make an appointment to see a psychiatrist for an evaluation and set up regular respite from here on in.

Do it! If you have daughter who is willing to take a week, go for it. Be sure you have appropriate care for your husband while you are away.

Maybe you could start small. Go to the library for an hour and attend a book club or a free presentation. Take some community exercise classes. Let your husband know he will be OK if you are gone.

Three weeks away may have been quite traumatic for him many years ago, so he may be afraid. Help his see that it won't be so scary and so lonely. Now there is new technology. Maybe show him how you can Skype with him and he can enjoy the trip vicariously too.

Wishing you success on your trip and at home. Where are you going?

You are suffering from caregiver burnout, which my fellow nurses will recognize. I am feeling that way too, and with all I have to do, I decided to sell this house, lessen my burden and focus on just my husband and the two dogs. There are only so many hours in the day and I find myself awakening at 3 a.m. to get things done I didn't do the day before, then waiting for the dogs at 6 and husband at 7 a.m. Then I start my marathon until about 9 p.m. That is what being a caregiver is and until I no longer have him, I will keep up this schedule because I want to keep him safe and secure. You have to decide for yourself how much stress you can take before it injures your health. Perhaps 4 hours alone to do what you would enjoy would be enough to recharge your batteries. Hire a respite worker and go have some me-time. I enjoy walking my dogs, seeing nature and come back refreshed. Best wishes!

Your dad is manipulating you with guilt. Find out what that means and fight it. You matter more than he knows... without you, where would he be? I tell that to my mom, I say "mom, Home Health helpers are here to help me. When they help me, I am better for you. If they don't help me, I become overwhelmed and no good for you. Which would you like? And this is helping me decide to go visit my granddaughters in California. Thank you.

Knowing what needs to be done and being totally unable to move the muscles to do it is a symptom of depression. Please a doctor and if necessary get counseling and/or take any recommended medication. Blessings to all concerned for peaceful resolutions to these challenges.

Can you "sneak" off for a walk every day? Have a reliable neighbor or friend that will go with you? Just walking, taking in fresh air, sun, hearing the birds, listening to someone else's goings on regularly might break up the monotony enough to remember how it feels to be un stuck.

Have you looked into Respite programs? They provide temporary help in situations like yours. You don't enter into a long term arrangement, just when needed. Take your week with your daughter. You'll feel better, emotionally, psychologically and even physically refreshed. Your husband may also realize that he can survive without you there every minute of every day.
Above all, take care of yourself.

Get yourself to a psychiatrist, who can dispense a prescription for you because your symptoms definitely sound like you are suffering from the illness called Depression. Do not wait. Get there as soon as possible so that you can be assessed and get the right mix of meds for your individual needs.

Your husband might be happier in a 24/7 facility. There are a lot of nice ones. If he outlives you (which is likely to happen), that is where he will end up, anyway.

I bet if he were healthy, he would tell you to go.

I was similarly immobilized a number of years ago. I had just sold my business and suburban home and moved myself and my children to a 4 room house on our newly acquired horse farm. I ended up seeing a psychiatrist because I was completely immobilized. He gave me some great suggestions, among them was to view each task by itself and not to group the entire venture. He said move one stone, not an entire mountain. I have used this wonderful advice many times since. I believe AA and Weight Watchers have similar creeds. Take your day in hour long bites and don't try to look at the entire week. It's too overwhelming. Take each hour and use it as best as you can to gain some control over your life. Take a 20 minute hot bath and ignore everything while you're in the tub for example. Even if you have to do it at 3 AM, it's time you have for yourself. Never mind what hubby says, get a caregiver in at least a half day a week so you can get some much needed sanity time. If you can get someone to come in for a week. Do it. Don't let him put a guilt trip on you. When weighing quality of life, your quality of life must be as important as his.

Yes go for a doctor visit, be sure to have thyroid tested AND your vitamin D levels. Both of these can affect energy and if deficient, feel "paralyzed" but I also suspect you are quite overwhelmed with caregiving all on your own. Sending positive heAling energy your way!

If it has been 27-28 years since you were away, OMG, it is time for a break. Husband does not even see how depressed you are, or is beyond caring as long as he is comfortable. You have been living in the land beyond burnout for a looong while and his failure to "let" you recharge - actually he should ENCOURAGE you to recharge - should not continue to do this kind of damage to your spirit. "Baby I love you - I just need a little time to visit ____ and then I will be back to you, much happier and refreshed! Why are you so afraid to let me go? Can't you trust me after all these years??"

I've had to fight my family to get leave to do things I need to do - and some of them are pretty basic to my health. Like walking or biking, not getting a ride for some pathetically short distance. I had to put my foot down and say NOT riding my bike is more dangerous than riding, and he finally came around with that one. There are things we still tug-of-war about, sometimes I feel guilty and selfish, other times I feel mad he wants me to quit and just live a selfish and sedentary life, uninvolved in the community like he is...he does not join me in many things and actually I have given up on a lot of things because I felt too sad to do them without him.

You need to get a respite from your caregiving tasks. Just do it! You may be given some kind of help from your state home care agency. You seriously need a break before you break!

I am in a similar situation, i.e., CG to my husband. After much trepidation, I took a trip to Puerto Rico with a friend in December. It was an excellent decision for my own wellbeing. I am already on anti-depressants, but caregiving is so overwhelming that you can feel paralyzed anyway. I consider it a successful day if I accomplish one thing, no matter how small. Please arrange for that week with your daughter and get professional help for yourself.