Who helps the caregiver financially? There has to be a way for the caregiver to get some financial support.

This entire system needs an overhaul and change of thinking b/c it is going to get worse as more of us age. I don't even think long term care insurance is the answer for the future, not only b/c it is so expensive, but also since many more will be aging and needing care that private insurance will not be able to keep up and will fold, like the insurance companies did when having to pay out for major hurricanes. Even tnose of us whose parents have minimal SS or SSI income and no assets do not get much help if you chose to allow your parent to stay in their home and help them, at least in my state, maybe 24 hours aide help a week, which is something but not if your family member needs 24 hr care and you have to be out working over 40 hours a week. Yet they will pay $10,000 per month Medicaid to a nursing home for less attentive care. What I could do with $10,000 a month to care for my parent! I have no children, paid local school taxes for years without complaint, yet when a family member ages and they are not independently wealthy and you have to work to live, your only choice is to put them in nursing homes or do what many of us are doing, losing our financial security and burning ourselves out. The laws should be changed to give more to help keep those elderly who are able to live in their communities with proper assistance, including to family members, than forcing them into a nursing home. Tbat would include instituting home visiting nurse practitioners who could monitor the health without requiring constant trips to dr offices just to get simple things taken care of.

What state do you live in? check out IHSS a state program you could be paid for caring for your mother... it is federal so it has to be in your state. Call the county,see if there are faith based places where elders usually get help(Jewish family services, Catholic Charities) you do not have to be of their faith to get help. Call Elder services in the county she lives in and ask for a social worker to come out and do an assessment. the limit on monthly income here is 2000.00 a month( for your mother) but there are ways you can spend it down( they include health care medications,etc.) please don't give up!

There is one organization that I know of that is trying to improve the situation we face- The National Family Caregivers Association, www.thefamilycaregiver.org , Is very politically motivated and worth becoming a member of.

we are all in the same boat! I am assuming we are all 50-60+ and are caring for our parents. Mine has Alzheimers, I am blessed KY has adult day-care it is from 8:30 to 1:00 this gives me a break and her some outside socialization. You are so right I quit a job of 8 yrs. in childcare to stay home to care for her. I keep 3 children but I took a large pay cut my hourly wage is down from $7.90 to $5.64. Dinner & a movie plus $10.hrly for sitter is about $170. so that doesn't happen often. Maybe 1x a year. So I know how u feel when the gov. pays the nursing homes $10.000. a mth why can't we get some compensation they would save loads of money anyway. Have a wonderful Christmas I will remember each of u in my prayers.

I take care of my elderly mother, I am a 52 yr. old male waiting on a disability benefits decision from a career ending accident and have no income and we live off of $641 a month from my mothers social security benefits. She cannot be left alone for more than a couple of hours a week and I hate leaving her but I have errands such as shopping, etc... My question is why cant she have access to her assets such as her half of the home we live in? My father owns the other half and they have been separated for over 25 yrs. and the house is free and clear with no mortgage. He is 85 yrs old and still very mentally abusive to both of us and is a control freak on top of it all. We cannot afford to make necessary home repairs and worst of all remodel the bathroom to meet her needs such as safety grab bars and installing a handicap shower for her safety so she does not fall. He will not help financially for home repairs and necessities. Is there a way for her to take some type of 2nd mortgage or better yet a reverse mortgage where she wont have any payments? I was thinking of consulting an attorney about this and forcing my father by court order to do this but need some advice from anyone who has been through or is going through a similar situation. She gets a whopping $80 a month for food stamps and is living well below the poverty level and she deserves more dignity than what she is exposed to. Taking care of her is a full time job for me and I cannot work because of the severity of my injuries but bring in a small amount of cash monthly from a online store and I also get food stamps and thank God for that. Please help by answering my questions relating to the reverse mortgage and seeing a decent attorney about this entire matter. Thank you.

I live in Md. Every place I call has a waiting list or she gets too much money monthly. And no thats not after her rent, thats why I had to remove her from the day care. Basically here in Md the bottom line is there are no more funds, and you would not believe some of the gov workers I talk to. They say wow what kind of work did your mom do that she gets $2,182 a month? Maybe I see another picture, this is 2010. Im tired now anyway and dont have the energy to fight this beaucratic state. Im trying to move to Wash State. I just want to be comfortable and cae for my mom until no longer able. Guess I just wanted to vent. Thank both of you for responding to me. Thanks for your prayers beta, thats all I have now and it carries me daily

Yes, Denise, we are in the same boat.
Ted, I do belong to the NFCA, you don't even have to pay the dues if you can't afford them. They recently sent a 2011 Family caregiver toolkit and planner/calendar to me at no charge. Due to lack of time, even though now reduced to working part time, I barely have time to read their newsletters which I get electronically but I did contact them in the past when Pres. Obama was first elected and had a website asking people what changes were needed. I suggested to NFCA that they send an email out to members asking them to submit the same issue - that all states provide the same amount of funds to community care and that more funds be devoted to in home/community care vs nursing home placement. There have been lawsuits pending on this .

As I said, I am burned out but could muster enough energy if some organization would take this on. We are the silent suffering, yet in many cases we are saving the govt a lot of money. My mother would be eligible for medicaid coverage in a nursing home but from my experiences with stays their for rehab, I won't do it. It was even more stressful to me trying to oversee what went on in the nursing homes/assisted living than when I have her at home. But some don't have that choice. There should be choice, care for them at home and receive adequate funding or improve the monitoring of nursing homes and assisted living carefully to ensure adequate care

I take care of my mom 24/7, she lives with me, I am Medical POA, my sister is Financial POA, my sister refuses to pay me or respite for her care. She does pay for her living expenses only. I want to set moms care up so I can have respite and a little income for myself as I cannot work outside the home anymore. Mom can afford it. What are my rights, to me my sister is denying her the care that needs to be set up for mom and paid for. I have tried talking with her and it always ends up in an argument, what can I do to get this taken care of?

Salijr52 check in the Area of Aging and Disabilities or any such programs in your area. They qualify you by the elderly income. You would probably be able to get supplies, equipement and care workers to sit with mom. There are plenty of programs out there that are subsidized by the government that so many elders do not know of. You can also contact a Elder Attorney about anything that can be legally done about the house and the separation of your father. I would definitely check all your options that would qualify you for any type of financial help as well. I hope you find something. When I cared for my mom. We had respite workers that would come into my home and sit with mom. about 20 hours a week. I'm sure there are something like that where you are. Good luck and God Bless.

Wow, I never knew so many people were in the same situation as I am. Nor, did I know that others could get as burnt out as I am. I feel very blessed to be the caregiver for my family member but it is very stressful and so many things that I just read on here I live with daily. I am in NC and the only time I get a break is if she has to go into the hospital and I feel horrible that I want here to stay just one more day so that I can breathe. I have searched, called, and questioned about help but I find myself doing the same thing and that is living day to day and wondering about the holidays. God's Grace is enough for me and I know that he will provide for me and take care of us. My husband reminds me constantly that if I keep doing right things then right things will happen. I am in my early 40's and was married less than two months when this situation landed in my lap and I have to look up with faith and for guidance in my care giving role as well as trying to keep my marriage. I will pray for all care givers to stay humble and believe that God's Grace will see us through if we just keep the faith, as he will not give us more than we can handle and in the end we have made the right choice in all that we have done. Happy Holidays to all and big hugs from NC to the entire world of care givers. Keep the FAITH!