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I know I have gone over this over and over, and have read every article, called every organization and talked to hundreds of social workers but I want to be sure I am not missing something. I had to leave my job to care for my mom because no one was helping me at all. I tried to place her in adult day care but I did not care for the facility and at $75 a day or $1,500 a month, that only left her with $682. I could not work 40 hours a week and anything less than 40 hours was not worth me going to work after taxes and other withdraws from check. My question is does anyone know of anyway I can get some kind of income while caring for my mom in my home. We are both living off her monthly check so here it is near Christmas and I cant bu presents for my grandchildren, I can help my grandson in college or buy birthday presents for any of them. I cant have my Sunday dinners where I invite my 2 children and grandchildren over. I know you all know how expensive food is now and everything else. This may not mean much to most folks, but I miss some of my old life!

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My husband suffers from dementia and I have been trying very hard to take care of him myself. I am sick myself (was diagnosed with Lupus in 1994). I just would like to have a break during the day for a few hours so that I can attend to my own medical needs, but unfortunately most of the day programs only accept medicaid. This is very unfair, it seems that our state (New York) have forgotten about the working people who are paying taxes to take care of others and can not have the same service for themselves. Does anyone know of a day center for dementia/alzheimers that do not require you to pay out a leg, arm & thigh. Tired of paying taxes for non-working to get services that we deserve. Help Please, Ladydp58
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I know of one program where you can get paid (in some states) to take care of a friend or a loved one.
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I am 65+ caring for mom 92 with dementia...I am recent widow and still trying to cope with my lose but must devote most of my time for her needs as well as the constant monitoring of her safety as she often does risky things around our apt. I have to work , only part-time as I can not leave her alone anymore. My married daughter pitches in when s
He can, thank God for that! We both get Social security but at low end of scale..I can not find any homecare that is provided by state we live in unless my mom is disabled or blind and needing help with bathing,feeding etc. I will be joining org. That is working on getting legislation for this serious proble which we all know is going to balloon when the millions of baby boomers start aging and caring for parents. We pay for services all our working lives but don't qualify...yet millions of immigrants who never pay into the system get everything for free....if I recall, "charity begins at home"! Gov. Has got it twisted...seriously!!! Disillusioned and stressed...not what I thought my life would be like after working since I was 14years old....Oh well will always try my best, it's not my mom's fault!
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Littleflower. Get a grip. Your dad belongs in a nursing home or other facility, and welfare will pay for it. Just drop him off at the local ER and leave him there (sounds cruel but if you have zero assets, at least he will get cared for, they won't put him out on the street that would be neglect).
In order to GET CARE for your Dad, you yourself need to STOP CARE for your Dad. That is unfortunately the only way to have welfare kick in sooner, rather than later.
Likewise for your own life, you need to free yourself from the burden of worry over your Dad. Give him over to the care of the state & welfare.
Then get yourself over to your local unemployment office, pronto, and start the process of rebuilding your own life.
If YOU don't change things, nothing will ever change, time will just keeping flowing right by you, along with your own life.
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Yes, Rogue 2013, that is my biggest problem, worry and fear. I have been living without an income since the time I had to quit my job and my education in order to stay home and care for my Dad four years ago. He get SSI and a pension, and this is what both he and I have been been living on. Out of those monthly funds also comes all of his care expenses, incontinence supplies, a few hours of aid service per week (all we can afford), food, taxes, utilities, etc. So much. By the time his care expenses are paid, there's not much left for us to live on. The one program that seems like it might be promising for at least about 1,000 - 1,700 per month compensation -- which would greatly help in my father's/my case, I have just been informed will take up to a year for the Veteran's program to process. Meanwhile, how am I supposed to pay for his increased care needs? I have had 24/7 care of him for 5 years. He's such a good man and deserves not to have to have anyone scrape and beg for funds to take care of him, but it is evidently the only system for Veterans out there, unless their sickness is a direct result of combat. I now need to be able to hire 16 hours a day of certified nursing attendant care. At $15.00 per hour, that would be $1,680 per week, not month, WEEK. $7,056 per month. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I don't know which way to turn and there seems to be no solution. What's to become of us and others in my position?
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Rvaughn if you find out the answer please let me know. It seems there is no help. My mother in law could use me down her apartment a lot I take her to doctors, and do her shopping and all and get nothing. I get up every morning at 3:30 to go to work and then take care of her things after work. It is not every day with her but she could use me everyday. If I could get paid I would do it everyday. and leave my job. If you find out anything please let me know.
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I'm relocating from Cali to Illinois to care for my mother who is 80 yrs. old. Who do I connect with to see if I can get paid for being her caregiver
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it is very sad with an elderly parent there is no help. Also there is no help if you are a WORKING single mom with a mortgage, utilities, and taxes. The moms who stay home get help with the rent and free food. So I guess what I am saying is you are better off not working because you get things for free.
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it is very sad with an elderly parent there is no help. Also there is no help if you are a WORKING single mom with a mortgage, utilities, and taxes. The moms who stay home get help with the rent and free food. So I guess what I am saying is you are better off not working because you get things for free.
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I'm in the exact same boat as you, Denise55. My father has dementia and I had to quit my job of 8 years and my schooling in order to care for him because he could no longer be left home alone for any length of time. I have not one cent of income. I live off my father's monthly income. My father served in WWII and then as a professional firefighter for 50 years. I live in Westchester County, NY. I am his 24-7 caretaker aside from a few hours a week I pay for an aide to come in. Although my father gets social security and a pension -- yes, people who don't think that's such an abundance -- my father is incontinent and his sanitary supplies are hundreds of dollars per month. His aid for even 1/2 of the time I need her is $3,528 per month. That's HALF the time I need her. We can't even afford that because that number, $3,528.00 exceeds his income -- BUT, that means nothing to Medicaid. Medicaid will help you if your income is under a certain amount, no matter how much has to come out of that income for the person's care each month. My parents both worked extremely hard all of their years. They were able to save something with the sweat, blood and tears of their labors. Now -- those years of work are being rendered meaningless, having to be thrown by the thousands out the window each month to pay for things that his insurance and medicare should be covering. Meanwhile, if my father becomes any less functional than he is right now, and I can no longer take care of him at home, he goes into a nursing home, every cent of his that hasn't already been spent will be confiscated by the nursing home and be gone in less than three month's time. 60 years of labor gone in three months. But that's not the end of the story. If I have to put my father into a care facility, they will have his social security, pension and any assets that are left. I, who has had to trade working 8 hours per day for pay with working 24 hours a day with NO pay, not even enough to feed me. So, I will be automatically on my own to support myself while unemployed. Because of not having worked at a job for 6 or 7 years, I'm virtually unemployable. Because I have also had to stop my education before any degree that would qualify me for a job with a salary high enough to humbly support myself, my situation is virtually hopeless. What will become of me once I must go back out into the workforce to try to find a job that will not pay my expenses and to have no means of elevating myself out of that underemployed condition. No money and no time for nursing school. I am helpless -- and hopeless. WHAT, someone tell me, what is a single adult displaced caretaker to do in order to survive?
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If you live in Indiana or several other states you may want to try Structured Family Caregiving. In Indiana it is an option on the A&D waiver. People can now care for people at home and recieve financial assistance!
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Who would we talk to to get things changed?
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Well, someone resurrected this old post, but it's worthwhile looking at again. Medicaid, in my opinion, is very unfair. VERY unfair. I don't know how this travesty has been able to stay under the radar forever.

As with so many of us, we are taking care of our parent(s) in our own homes. For those of us retired? Well, it's not exactly how we pictured our retirement, is it? For those of us working? Well, when do we sleep?

And Medicaid says our parent(s) can't pay us rent...can't help with utilities...can't pay us even a minimum amount for their care giving without a written contract drafted by an attorney, paying income tax on what could easily be considered a "thank-you gift," our parent(s) paying Social Security taxes on our behalf, and keeping a daily log of our duties. And THEN only a minimal amount.

As far as I'm concerned, this is one of the greatest injustices in our society today.
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My mother is on disability and the social security office told that she should qualify for government assistance. But the welfare office denied her stating that she makes $239 to much each month. I found out that they don't take medical expenses into consideration unless you fall below the poverty levels first. So it doesn't matter that she pays out $378 every month in medical expenses. Now the stress she is under is causing her health to worsen which means more bills, less money and more stress. Vicious circle.
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Just a thought about home caregiving expenses. Maybe there's a way that any coverage for a nursing home, could be transferred to home care instead. The needs are basically the same, and the patient has medical conditions as well, usually. Nursing homes are expensive; so is home care. Most families I think would rather have the patient at home. Funds spent on Assisted living could go instead to your home, for reasons of cargegiving, and general household expenses.
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Hello I returned to NY to care for my mom. Left my home, job and life. I have no income or support from family. I've just about exhausted my 401K, etc. Any suggestions on how I can get any form of income?
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Im a spouse caring for my husband. I need to know how to get help in Pa? He is somewhat able to move around the house, but can fall allot, has a walker and cane, but I work nights, and he is alone. We have some neighbors to help out, but I need to know how I can get help, financially, he is only getting 1200 a month. Even with my income, we are still short of getting help. What can I do to get help for a spouse caregiver and still trying to keep my job and not keeling over and lack of sleep, and wish I had two of me for more help. Please I can really use some advice and good help advice. I can barely keep my job anymore and I do know we cannot live off his income, its way too low. Help...
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There is a new program now available in Indiana called Structured Family Care. It is a service under the medicaid aged and disabled waiver. This service provides for a care manager and an RN to provide support to both the individual in need of services and the caregiver. It also allows for a daily stipend to financially assist the caregiver who typically has given up their full time job to assume that role. Caregivers can contact their local Area Agency on Aging and ask for information about Structured Family Care. You can also go to caregiverhomes to learn more about the provider in Indiana who is offering this service.
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I"m a caregiver for my mother and have been since 2007. My mom is 75 yrs. old' she has alot of health issues. I take her to all her appointments and give her shots, for her diabetics.She has arthirtis all over and she be in so much pain.I gave up all my jobs to take care of her,so I wondering if there is any funds for me taking care of my mother,to help me out .I live in NC so I was wondering if there is funds here where I live.Thank you.
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What kind of criticism have you received from family members - for receiving payment from, or contributions to household expenses by - the parent you're caring for 24/7 ? No family member is participating in this constant care in any way.
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I'm in same situation - yes we could take better care of our love one at home. Begging to just go back to her home, why can't we get funds to take them home and pay for help. It would cost the government less, nursing homes are understaffed. They are just another # to most of them and a job. God help those of us who want to take our loved ones home. Send the financial help we need, see our tears, hear this prayer in Jesus name.
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Our 86 year old almost now 87 year old has a guardian who charges 125 dollars an hour and a guardian at litem who charges 450 and hour to keep us from getting paid(any money) sighting that she only has 375, 000 of limited cash and why is that? because they sold her two flat located in a neighborhood that commands a high rent for half of its worth in a down-turned economy.

We are going to use our court date December 2, to request a hearing and hopefully possible trial, possible criminal damages.... I know I am new here, but I tell you, that it is a criminal act to pay for nursing homes and not pay caregivers, after all (like I said) I have a disability and 12 years ago I faced the possibility of going into a nursing home and WHAT take my reason for living away from me? You have got to be kidding...

People with disabilities have a right to live and die the way they want to even if it is in their own home or facsimile of one and caregivers should get paid, even if it is your parents or neighbor...
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Wow, I never knew so many people were in the same situation as I am. Nor, did I know that others could get as burnt out as I am. I feel very blessed to be the caregiver for my family member but it is very stressful and so many things that I just read on here I live with daily. I am in NC and the only time I get a break is if she has to go into the hospital and I feel horrible that I want here to stay just one more day so that I can breathe. I have searched, called, and questioned about help but I find myself doing the same thing and that is living day to day and wondering about the holidays. God's Grace is enough for me and I know that he will provide for me and take care of us. My husband reminds me constantly that if I keep doing right things then right things will happen. I am in my early 40's and was married less than two months when this situation landed in my lap and I have to look up with faith and for guidance in my care giving role as well as trying to keep my marriage. I will pray for all care givers to stay humble and believe that God's Grace will see us through if we just keep the faith, as he will not give us more than we can handle and in the end we have made the right choice in all that we have done. Happy Holidays to all and big hugs from NC to the entire world of care givers. Keep the FAITH!
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living in a one bedroom,cant afford anything else things are getting bad i have no support. please help
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I live in illinois and am trying to find some kind of finacial help, i take care of my mother in a one bedroom apt I have a cna come in but she can only come monday thru friday and 3 hours a day.I work but things are very tough. If anyone knows of any help please let me know. Thank you
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Salijr52 check in the Area of Aging and Disabilities or any such programs in your area. They qualify you by the elderly income. You would probably be able to get supplies, equipement and care workers to sit with mom. There are plenty of programs out there that are subsidized by the government that so many elders do not know of. You can also contact a Elder Attorney about anything that can be legally done about the house and the separation of your father. I would definitely check all your options that would qualify you for any type of financial help as well. I hope you find something. When I cared for my mom. We had respite workers that would come into my home and sit with mom. about 20 hours a week. I'm sure there are something like that where you are. Good luck and God Bless.
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I take care of my elderly mother, I am a 52 yr. old male waiting on a disability benefits decision from a career ending accident and have no income and we live off of $641 a month from my mothers social security benefits. She cannot be left alone for more than a couple of hours a week and I hate leaving her but I have errands such as shopping, etc... My question is why cant she have access to her assets such as her half of the home we live in? My father owns the other half and they have been separated for over 25 yrs. and the house is free and clear with no mortgage. He is 85 yrs old and still very mentally abusive to both of us and is a control freak on top of it all. We cannot afford to make necessary home repairs and worst of all remodel the bathroom to meet her needs such as safety grab bars and installing a handicap shower for her safety so she does not fall. He will not help financially for home repairs and necessities. Is there a way for her to take some type of 2nd mortgage or better yet a reverse mortgage where she wont have any payments? I was thinking of consulting an attorney about this and forcing my father by court order to do this but need some advice from anyone who has been through or is going through a similar situation. She gets a whopping $80 a month for food stamps and is living well below the poverty level and she deserves more dignity than what she is exposed to. Taking care of her is a full time job for me and I cannot work because of the severity of my injuries but bring in a small amount of cash monthly from a online store and I also get food stamps and thank God for that. Please help by answering my questions relating to the reverse mortgage and seeing a decent attorney about this entire matter. Thank you.
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Denise55: I don't know what state you are in. When I was caring for mom here in Illinois I found out (just this past year) that the IL Senior Services had caregiving services that my mom was entitled to. (Didn't know she was entitled ever since she was 70)! They came out to evaluate mom and based on her ss income they offered to give her a caregiver for 8 hrs a week. The girl would come over and clean up, get her some groceries, assist with a showe and stay with her for companionship 4 hrs a day twice a week. I cherished the 2 days she came. Then I found out I could be paid because the agency welcomed caregivers who were related to the client. I had to take a class and get fingerprinted, background check, etc. Eventually mom was given 20 hrs. so rather than burnout, I split 20 hrs with the caregiver we had. I handed in 10 hrs of "work" and the caregiver came the other 10 hrs. The only thing they made me do was relinquish being on any bank accounts with mom, which was fine because my daughter was already on moms accounts should anything happen to me.. I don't know if mom would have still be entitled to the 20 hrs of care if she would have been on hospice though. Check out your State's Dept of Aging, under Senior Services (Caregiving). They should be able to give you some info. I was forutnate, I was actually laid off the month before my mom got bad. It was alot less than I had been making but at least 20 hrs. of pay was better than no pay. Hope something can work out for you.
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Sorry ...it's a tough job and I am in the same boat as you all. My mom is now at home with me and only gets 1200 a month. I quit my job and now stay home with her 24/7. I just got signed on for respite through the Agency of Aging and Disablities. They go by income level of the parent. So I now get some supplies and a whopping 20 hours of respite a month. But hey...20 hours is 20 hours. We also have hospice for mom and they come in 2 times a week for nursing care and 2 times a week for hygiene care. I've been doing this for 5 months now. It's been tough and tireless. Mom is a nightwalker, a sundowner, and a show timer. She has LBD. Lewy body dementia and two arthritic knees and macular degeneration. The government really needs to take a good look at the elderly in this country because I think they are the ones who need help. As hard as it is now for us to get some compensation it's going to be even harder next year...with our dreaded fiscal cliff. Who knows what SS will be like for us when we retire...I hope everyone is ready for it.
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Burn - fell into my lap...lmao! About the state taking the house. What you are referring to is called MERP and requires the states to go after any proceeds or assets the elder has in their estate after they die to repay for Medicaid. IT IS NOT ALWAYS DONE, really truly. All states have exemptions to MERP and this is important - YOU HAVE TO FILE FOR THE EXEMPTIONS under whatever timetable and guidelines your state has set. One exemption is the "2 year rule", which basically means that if you lived in your parents home for at least 2 years before they went into a NH and for that 2 year period you provided care for them that kept them out of a NH, then the release or sale or transfer of the home to you is a total exemption from MERP. So you get the house. BUT you have to apply for this, it's not automatic. In most states, if the person who would inheirit the house, would be out on the street or on state paid housing if they did not have the home to live in, can apply for an exemption for that. There are other exemptions like if they are disabled; or their income is at a certain low level or the property was and is the site of a family business, or you belong to certain Indian tribes.

Some states (like MS) have it so that whatever is the homestead exemption is automatically excluded from MERP, so if the exemption is 75K and the house has an assessor value of 60K, MERP doesn't happen.

Another exemption is if the house is empty but still owned by the elder on Medicaid, then whomever pays for stuff on the house (like taxes, utilites, insurance, yard work, etc.) can let MERP know the amount and those $$ are deducted from the tally MERP has.

MERP is a legal process and has to go through the courts usually in probate court (I think it's this way in all states). Some states death laws have it so MERP is low on the payment system so MERP recovery is low. In TX, MERP is a class 7 claim so claims in category 1 - 6 that have to be paid off first, so MERP is low in TX. But still happens. WHile in other states, MERP places a lien on the property. Unfortuantely every state seems to put it's own spin on MERP as each state has it's own spin on death and estate laws. You really need to research what's what in your state, so that when the day comes you have an idea of what to do and within the time frame so that you can get the house transferred and titled to you or whomever in named in her will. Go buy yourself a nice little bottle of Prosecco, chill it a couple of days and read up on what your state's MERP program says and start your new year off with information for the future!
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