We don’t have a family member that can do this any longer. She doesn’t seem to think there’s anything wrong with expecting my aunt to just come live with her even though my aunt has her own family.
Tell her it's just not possible. Tell her what her choices are: if she has the funds she goes into a care community and you will help her every step of the way as she transitions there. Or she can be in denial and be selfish and think people will orbit around her without their consent but when they stop showing up they will have to call the county as she degrades by herself and they will take guardianship of her and they will move her into a facility whether she wants to or not. So, she can choose to go somewhere voluntarily on her own terms, or she can create a sh1t show for herself and her family and in the end it won't go so well. Those are her choices...unless her family continues to enable her for some silly reason.
Just read your profile. You mom is most likely extremely frightened and depressed. Has she spoken to a professional in the mental health field to possibly go on medication and participate in talk therapy?
I realize that may not be possible now unless there is some type of online connection set up for you to utilize.
Maybe other posters will know of such services. I guess that you could try to do a google search in your area or ask her oncologist or primary doctor for an online referral to help her.
Address her mental health if possible along with finding a suitable facility for her to live.
This question made me think. Once we r in our 80s/90s there is some cognitive/age decline. I think we get a little self centered. We have reached an age we should be able to do what we want or we don't see where our weaknesses are.
When my MIL got into her late 80s, my BIL was trying to get her into an AL near him. He would show her pamphlets and she would say "they are places for old people"
Your Aunt has to tell your Mom she can no longer help her. She needs to go home. She also needs to tell her that she is perfectly able to care for herself if she just makes the effort. Have Aunt give her a timeline. That way u may be able to convince Mom that she needs her therapy and Drs.
You don't say why you cannot care for her, I will assume its work and family. It is not what Mom wants at this point, its what she needs. She needs help and family is not able to do it. You may want to tell her that unless she allows outside help, LTC will be where she ends up. She won't have a choice if APS needs to get involved. Because, she can't expect family to care for her. (I believe in a little threat to get them to listen)
I realize that may not be possible now unless there is some type of online connection set up for you to utilize.
Maybe other posters will know of such services. I guess that you could try to do a google search in your area or ask her oncologist or primary doctor for an online referral to help her.
Address her mental health if possible along with finding a suitable facility for her to live.
Best wishes to you and your mom.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-can-i-get-help-caring-for-my-mom-when-she-refuses-outside-help-and-she-refuses-dr-advice-457517.htm
When my MIL got into her late 80s, my BIL was trying to get her into an AL near him. He would show her pamphlets and she would say "they are places for old people"
Your Aunt has to tell your Mom she can no longer help her. She needs to go home. She also needs to tell her that she is perfectly able to care for herself if she just makes the effort. Have Aunt give her a timeline. That way u may be able to convince Mom that she needs her therapy and Drs.
You don't say why you cannot care for her, I will assume its work and family. It is not what Mom wants at this point, its what she needs. She needs help and family is not able to do it. You may want to tell her that unless she allows outside help, LTC will be where she ends up. She won't have a choice if APS needs to get involved. Because, she can't expect family to care for her. (I believe in a little threat to get them to listen)