Who can take care of my mom while I recovery from surgery?

Is there an Area Agency on Aging in your county? Or, can you try to contact the hospital social worker where you will be having surgery? Social workers can (but may not) be very motivated to make appropriate referrals to services we cannot know about.

Thank you LuAnn and everyone here. I do feel better hearing that I am not bad or selfish. As a matter of fact, I have been in counseling for years. I was also diagnosed with Complex PTSD. My life consisted of extreme violence for a few years even before graduating high school. I guess I started taking care of mom because I try to "do unto others" and take the high road. But I am beginning to see it does not, and cannot, work for very long without dying myself. Thank you for all of your words.

Roberta please don't ever feel that you don't have the right to complain! You have every right to say enough is enough. There's no shame in knowing you've done all you can and you can't give any more. You need to take care of yourself. Would you be able to see a counselor to work through some of this? If you have Medicare B some therapist will accept it as payment. It's really difficult to care for a parent that was abusive and not there for you as a child...

Carol you are absolutely right, I need to give updates. It's so hard, mom has fallen 3x in the last 2 days and is getting worse. I am in so much pain and can't take it, especially when mom tries to walk across her room and nearly falls again, so I keep her from falling.... more physical pain. Anyway... yes, I DO live on Cape Cod. We don't have an extra penny even, however mom's income falls right on the cutoff for financial assistance. Since Mom just came home from the rehab facility on July 31, we have the Visiting Nurses coming to check on her. The nurse was here today and she is livid that their social worker hasn't been here yet. The nurse knows we are in desperate need of answers and as much help as we can get. Now... about my 3 sisters... 1 refuses outright, even to take mom for an afternoon. Another one was abused the worst out of all of us by mom when we were growing up, and beyond. The 3rd sister has stolen Mom's money, jewelry and an antique violin that mom used to play in concerts. I now refuse to allow this sister to even be alone with Mom. This has also taken an emotional toll on me because I have been here 10 years, 11 months. Mom appears "cute" to others such as the nurse and Mom's doctor. They would never believe that Mom still is full of put-downs and nothing is ever good enough. I am sorry if I am complaining too much but I think I am beyond burned out. :-(

Roberta - your username includes Cape Cod but that could just be a place you like to visit, rather than where you're from. Your profile doesn't indicate, so where do you live?

It's been 9 days since you entered your question and you haven't posted since. What have you done so far, have you found any answers or do you still need solutions? Please give us an update...

Respite care is $225 a day in my area (I live in NYC but the closest respite program is in NJ) - I only wish that program were available for as little as $150. The adult day care program my husband is $100 a day but the participants are home by around 3 pm so that doesn't help much. I worry about this also. We are in the process of getting my husband approved for Medicaid but in the meantime, if anything should happen to me, the cost of residential care for my husband would be unaffordable. It's a scary thought.

Amen nsjmk77. Someone in the family has to step up in some way.

If no one in the family is willing to care for her, depending on her financial situation, ask them to come up with the funds to care for her while you recover.

Some nurses freelance or know if retired nurses, etc.who might be able to help you out during this time. You will have to pay their fee (likely $25+/hr) but could be negotiable if they are live in during this time. Start with asking some of the nurses in your doctor's office or your mom's doctor's office (they may have friends or collegeaus they can put you in touch with.

Also I would would check with my local senior center or center on aging to see what resources they can suggest.

You're only other option is respite care (and they have these in other NH, AL facilities and some senior group homes). But again, this may be $150/day or so depending on your location -- but certainly a bargain compared to in-home 24/7 care.

Adult foster care only exists during the day. It is more of an activity oriented program. This month for your rehabilitation will be your expense to care for your mother. Delay the back surgery, get another opinion or two, and/or save the money to have trained help come in to take care of both of you. If you are on disability, your Medicare will pay for someone to care for you, then your mother's funds can care for her.

Well if you are in a nursing home recovering there is no longer a caregiver on the premises. See if you can't get her admitted to the same facility, and she should stay there until you are 100% recovered. If it means dipping into her savings or getting a reverse mortgage, do whatever it takes.

There is such a thing as "adult foster care"?

Can she go to Adult Foster Care or Asst. living while you recuperate? I'd check into Adult Foster Care if I were in your shoes.