My mom had a stroke last year....her left side compermised...she was in nursing home for rehabilitation for 3 months when she said she rather die than stay there....I am 60 and retired and theres no other family members left to help but I wanted my parents to be home as long as they could...ages 87 and 89....first two weeks home she did what she was cooperative with her excercises and in home nurse and physical therapist and ot came...then she started to change with me....all anger she saved up thru the years started coming out in a very verbal abusive way...when I talked to doctors the nurse about my concerns she came unglued...when I would try to get her to do her excercises and balancing plus walking stuff she started saying maybe later...they told her from day one it would take hard working and dedication to staet having some of her indepence back...braces were made to straighten leg and wrist. Nurse told her she needed to get out of bed...her tv chair and walk more ...she slept 16 hrs a day and watched tv until she went to bed...her idea of excercises was only 30 to 45 mins a day only...she was asked by nurse.ot.and pt..to walk to bathroom with her hemi walker...to dinner table.to bed and not be dependent on wheelchair...she was ok I'll try until they left...it was a everyday fight until I went home and said call me when your serious about doing what your suppose to do.she hasn't done anything in the past4 or 5 months.she says you have to make me do them yet says no body is going to tell me what to do. Constantly telling I was a troubled child for her. When I have listened to all these experts on what she needs to do.She says you always listen to everyone but me.Omg mom their experts. When she gets angry she starts trying to get out of wheelchair..throw herself off the toilet..tells me to shut about why her balancing and walking is helping her..she don't want to hear it. Now its to the point her foot and wrist r getting so tight and shes harder to physically help.she flopps around like a fish when transferring her when angry until I cant hold her much longer and I end up sitting her alittle harder down in chair.or toilet or in to her bed which now if I mention calling authorities to ck in on her when I leave shes threatening to lie and tell them I'm physically abusive. I can't take anymore and need to talk to someone who won't just jerk them out of their home then the state takes everything they own..they won't pay for help and won't move closer to me which is two hours away from them and all my medical and business is there..they refuse help outside.trust no one and now my health is compermised from stress. Plus being threatened with going to jail for abuse is very scary. Any ideas out there? Dads memory getting worst and physicallyhes gotten weaker. He has had a heart valve replacement and now a pacemaker. Makes things even harder. No power of attorney as they don't believe in it. Im up against a wall.
They are blackmailing you with FOG, fear, obligation and guilt. Jail, you're the daughter, you're abandoning us. "No mom. You made the choice not to plan intelligently. That's not my problem. It's the County's problem now". Believe me, this situation is not going to change.
You call your area agency on aging on Monday and tell them that you can no longer safely care for them due to their threats, your health and their increased needs. Please save yourself!
Keep a journal of what is happening daily, just in case your Mom decides to say that you are abusing her. A journal will be a clearer picture of what is going on. Sounds like you Mom might have some dementia which would cause this anger, I've heard that strokes can do this.
Your Mom could also be upset with your Dad because he can't help her like he use to, and she can't help him, either. It's a tough situation. I see something like that happening in my future with my parents. They would be in denial that they need professional care.
Since your parents refuse to hire help nor go into a care facility, sometime we need to use tough love to make them realize it is time for professional care. Try not to enable your Mom. Cut back on the number of hours you spend with them, cut back slowly on the work you do for them. It will be a wake up call for your Mom to realize she needs more help than you can give them. Or be frank with your Mom and tell her "Mom, I am too old to help lift you, you will need to hire professional help", and keep repeating that if your Mom argues that point.