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6 children involved. Only 1 has POA. Now parent has advanced Alzheimer. My husband is 24/7 ONLY caregiver. POA went from struggling while working, to brand new trucks, cars & trips, unemployed. Moved in moms home, sent her to another state, our home. Husband quit job to care for his mom. He was getting 2000.00 a month to care for her & whatever left was his pay. He finally got POA to pay 2400.00 a month. Last wk was my 2nd heart attack in 3 years & I have had it!!!! I have lost my marriage, health & the love of my life. They all know POA will go to jail & to damn scared to do or say anything. His fear they will take mom & she will die in a few months & sister will go to jail. In 2008 mom was VERY secure for next 20 yrs!!! Now she is broke. I have kept my mouth shut for peace in the family but today I don't give a damn who goes to jail & who the hell is broke. I was told today by POA hope I can get back to work soon & my daughter & her family need to get out of our home. It was taking from the care of the mom. It has been wonderful having the extra help here & who the hell do they think they are dictating who can live in my home???? I opened my home to their mom & I love & adore her dearly. I am so upset out of 6 children only 1 seems to care for their mom. He is upset & fearful of POA coming from another state & removing his mom & no way to pay bills. He will be blamed for it all. Either I pack & walk away from 15 yrs of a wonderful life to blowing the top on all the POA lies, stealing & likely jail time. How in the world can the law allow the POA to do this with someone's life. There has been no state or family accounting of funds. So keep my mouth shut & let God handle it or at the age of 55 open the gates of H*LL cause at this point NO ONE wins or loses!!?????

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In the scheme of things, the first thing you need to take care of is your health.

Can husband get another job? Mom really belongs in a facility at this point if she has advanced alzheimers with three shifts of caregivers.

Many people were financially secure in 2008 who were then NOT in 2009 due to the recession. I agree that the trucks, etc, sound suspicious, but is that really your issue?

If there are funds for mom's care, start looking for an appropriate placement for her (if you can private pay at first, you will have more choices; you can apply for Medicaid for her later on) and encourage husband in his job search.
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Oh, you need to call the police and file a report and let them investigate. Chances are nothing will happen to the thieving POA, but you have to at least try. That will stop the POA from being able to snatch mom from your home, which buys time for hubby to find a better place for mom to live. He needs to petition for guardianship, if he's the only one in the family actually caring for mom. SIL's crimes (or her mismanagement of mom's finances, if she didn't actually "steal" from mom) will bar her from being appointed guardian. You do have a problem - hubby lack of a job just about disqualifies him from being guardian. You are really in a pickle that you can't get out of on your own. Finally, if hubby doesn't recognize all of this is ruining all of your lives and your health, you need to move on anyway. Not a marriage I'd want to stay in. His priority should be you first, mom second. Not being the POA, he really had no business at all taking any of this on himself. Easy mistake to make -- I did it myself. Hard to admit the mistake, even more difficult to correct it, especially at this point, when everything seems to have already unravelled. Sounds like you do need to pack a bag and leave. Good luck!
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Unfortunately, right now you and your husband have absolutely no authority whatsover over mom, so you cannot move her elsewhere without the POA's consent. The POA has complete control and can do whatever she wants to do with mom, including moving her wherever she wants her to be. She can also stop paying your husband at any time. I doubt he has a written employment contract or agreement, so she has no obligation to compensate you for taking care of mom. This is why it's essential that you get the criminal investigation going now. It will take a very very long time to get her removed, if cause for removal is found, and there's a very strong chance that nothing at all will happen. APS and most agencies that investigate these kinds of crimes are so overwhelmed. I filed an APS complaint over 15 months ago. I call all the time to follow up. I was told it might be another 2 years before anyone even looks at the filing. So go to the police directly and make sure you have plenty of evidence of wrongdoing. If you lack evidence, you have no recourse at all, so you, hubby and MIL are all screwed. Mom made a very poor choice in the POA. And you are suffering the consequences.
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Nothing will go like you think it will or should. There is no such thing as Fidiciary Responsility in Louisiana. The lawyers control everything for their own dollar. None of the things, like euthanasia, removing medicines, removing cash from victim's accounts, will ever see the judge's ears or eyes. Selling property with bonus for controlling the buyer's price, forgery of documents, bogus notaries, and etc etc.
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Sounds like the POA is financially abusing the elder. Consult an attorney.
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#1.....I'm so sorry for YOUR heart attacks. I pray that you will recover quickly and completely. #2.....I agree, find an elder attny that will fight for you. A lot of the colleges have law students that will do it for free since they are in "training". Or heck, take it to a tv station....the investigation department or nursing home social worker. Maybe they can direct you to the right help. You are not alone in this. There are others out there that are going through this same thing and I hope someone on this site can help you. From someone that has gone through taking care of their FIL, MIL, and now in the process of taking care of their dad and mom, I don't know what I would do if my husband or his family hadn't been supportive of me and my decisions. Please take care and keep us posted.
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Strap on a pair and tell the POA the deal is over...turn the mother over to her and let her make all the decisions. NOW this sounds very tough but suddenly you will find a complete and willing negotiator on your hands. ONLY because what is she going to do. You have to be tougher in these cases. I know, because dealing with my family has required me to just lay out the options in black and white, what I will do, what I won't do and then I let them step in with their options. None of them have ever offered to do what I am doing and I certainly gave them the option to take it all over! Good luck in you situation! You deserve it!
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What exactly is stopping you from blowing the lid off the criminal finanical abuse? Family loyalty? What about loyalty to yourself and your spouse and daughter? The needs of innocent people whose welfare you are responsible for should trump keeping the peace or protecting a guilty party. but, maybe I am missing something
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Some states protect the elderly by passing laws that prohibit an appointed out of state Power of Attorney. See if these laws apply in the state that your husbands Mom resides in. If this is true, an Elder Attorney can easily make your husband Power of Attorney as required by state laws disolving the former POA. Good luck!
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