Where do I go from here?

Sunday, October 10, 2021 (con't) Since we cannot edit a previous post, I'll have to add this here.

Another "moving forward" thing I did lately was to get back to creating and designing products to add to my Collections @ Zazzle. On 9/9/2021, I created and designed "Thank You Sympathy Cards" for friends and family. After that, I created and designed a couple of "Tote Bags" and a couple of other products. Before that, I had not created anything since December of 2020.

My products are in Zazzle's market place, Yaaaa! I'm known as
dellgirl08 @ Zazzle.

It feels sooo good to be creating again. Thanks to you all, I'm moving along . . .
S L O W L Y. Thank you for the motivation and encouragement!

Sunday, October 10, 2021 –
It’s been a while since I posted here, but I thought I should report back and let everyone know how I am doing with moving forward. You all provided such good advice, suggestions, and ideas I want to “Thank You”!
 
Thanks to all of you, I’ve done some things to get back to a normal life (sorta normal), and it feels good. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not a LOT, but it's a start and it feels like a big rock has been lifted off my shoulders.
 
What have I done to move forward. . . you ask? Keeping it brief and to the point, I’ve kept doctors’ appointments, got my hair done, started eating better, and completing insurance paperwork.
 
Best of all, I visited with my daughter, SIL, and only grandson the last week of September, for 3 days and 3 nights without “clock-watching” and needing to leave. That visit was FUN, relaxing, and so refreshing, I’m eagerly looking forward to next time. We discussed and decided that I will visit at least once a month (for starters).
 
Ok, enough for now, this is getting too long.
 
Thank You AgingCare Friends for your caring, sharing, and support!

Well, it's coming up on 2 months since my mama passed away. My initial question was . . . "Where do I go from here/ How to get started? What? What?! What???!!!"

Thank you all for the great answers and suggestions. Thanks to you, I DID get started . . .
S L O W L Y . . .as suggested. I did accomplish a few things. And, guess what?

I will spend a couple of days with my daughter and only grandson next week doing "something different", other than slouching around the house wondering what to do next. ((:

She also made us a beauty shop appointment, so we will spend the day getting our hair done. Yaaayyy!

Happy Saturday night everyone, enjoy yourselves!

No problem MJ, this is not a hijack. This is exactly what we are here for, to share whatever is on our minds. Thank you for taking time to respond here. Someone will find your response helpful, I know I do.

I'm in the same position. Mom died July 26, we had to wait a month before we could have her services, and now I'm waiting again for ducks to line up so I can clear out the house and sell it. I spend my time walking around in circles wondering what I'm supposed to do.

We wanted to move out of state when we retired, and we promised my folks we wouldn't be going anywhere until they didn't need me any longer. Dad died in 2018, Hubby retired in 2020, Mom died July 26 this year, and Hubby asked me TWO DAYS AFTER that, "When can we move?"

I have to settle an estate, clean out and sell another house, and my son is getting married next spring. Now I have to go house hunting and clear out my house in preparation to move, too??

Plus, once this is all past, what do I do then? I can't even imagine. I do know from prior experience with Dad's passing that Mom's death probably won't hit me for about six months. I need to schedule that in somewhere, too. 😵

Sorry for the hijack. I have no answers for you. My life has been caring for children and/or elderly parents since 1993. The former grew up, and the latter have died, so I'm officially unemployed in my life's work.

Thank you ALL for providing so much good advice and some really helpful tips here. It was very helpful to learn from you that the "recovery process" after an ELO passes away is
a S L O W process. SO today, I'm not beating myself up because I haven't accomplished a lot since Mama died. Yes, I'm still tired/exhausted but, I'm not feeling . . . "SUCKED-DRY" anymore. Just regular-old-tired.

Question: Did I accomplish ANYTHING like moving forward?

I did. I went to the eye doctor, got my much need eye exam, and a prescription for new eyeglasses. They got my glasses done and, I picked them up yesterday. Yaaa, I can see clearly now!

Enough of that! I just wanted to let you know how I'm doing with the
"Where do I go from here" . . .

Countrymouse, what a great idea. I'm already planning . . . in my head . . . next I'll put it in writing. I am a TOTAL "Note-to-Self" fanatic.

Hearing that it is "perfectly okay to have days when I drag myself around the house and accomplish nothing", made me smile. THAT is perfectly do-able for me!

Thank you for sharing these helpful ideas with me. I really appreciate your tips.

MargaretMc, a camping holiday for 6 weeks sounds heavenly. What a treat! Seeing new things every day would definitely be a welcomed change.

Thank you for this helpful answer, it means a lot to me. I am especially grateful for your thoughtfulness.

Take your sewing machine to your nearest haberdashery and ask them to get it overhauled. While you're there, pick a project and get the supplies.

When you get home, you will thus have A Plan and a couple of weeks before it starts. So you next sit down with a nice cup of coffee and some coloured pencils and a big clean piece of paper and you do a Mind Map.

It is also perfectly okay to have days when you drag yourself around the house and accomplish nothing. Do not worry unless that starts to be every day.

After my mother died (with me in her apartment), it took me 3 months to clean things up, host rellies etc. I hadn’t kept tendering for work, so there was nil income but I had savings. Then I went on a camping holiday for 6 weeks with a small group. Seeing new things every day, talking to people I didn’t know well, gave me many new things to think about. It really helped, though of course it didn’t take it all away. Would that be possible for you?

Well, I'm getting started! I went to the doctor for my 3-month check-up a week or so ago. Today I went to get my eyes examined for new eyeglasses. I have need new eyeglasses for so long, I cringe when I think about how long I put this off.

These are two biggies for me since I'd postponed, re-scheduled, or completely did not do sometimes while caregiving for Mama.

I needed to "do that for myself" and, I DID! That is a big step forward for me. I'm truly thankful to be able to do something for myself for a change.

pamzimmrrt, I really appreciate that you took the time to read my post and to leave such a nice response. Thank you for doing that, you’re so thoughtful.

I offer sincere Condolences and Prayers to you and your family for the loss of your mother.

My mom passed in Jan, and I am making a real effort to get back in touch with some friends who were there for me, but had their own issues as well. We make a solid date to do something once a month. I also took the time to try to get all the ducks in a row for Moms service and financials, and cleaning out her things . Its about all done now.. all the big stuff is over and that is very freeing. now that Covid has slown down here in my area my job is no longer requiring OT, so I am spending more time trying to re connect with my hubs and adoring my puppy! It is not easy,, but it will get better

Daughterof1930, thank you so much for taking time to read and answer here. I appreciate your comment. I'm looking forward to . . . "accomplishing little, and giving myself the grace to know that’s okay". I appreciate your visit and especially your comment.

I was right where you are this time last year. There’s been a good bit of feeling numb and directionless. What’s helped, finishing out my dad’s estate, it feels so much better to have that done and behind me. Walking outdoors, I’ve missed very few days, and when I walk I try to not think of anything heavy or concerning, just notice the world around me, listen to music sometimes. Doing a clean out of many areas of my home, it was both productive and healing as I’d so learned that life is short and it’s important not to leave a mess behind. That relates to the estate of dad also, I have some things that are precious to me, but overall others were blessed by his belongings. Some days I’ve accomplished little, and given myself the grace to know that’s okay. And now I’ve gotten a new part time job, one where I can hopefully be helpful to others. You’ll figure out the right path for you, and I wish you well in it

Thank you, funkygrandma59. "wandering around my house, wondering what it was that I should be doing, since my days had been so full of caring for Mama" . . . is EXACTLY what I was doing and feeling. Thank you for sharing this, it's just what I needed.

So I WILL have patience and just start with some simple things that bring me joy. I went to Burger King today and bought my favorite Whopper Package, brought it home and enjoyed leisurely eating it in peace and quiet.

Before you start any kind of "moving forward" it's important that you allow yourself time to grieve.
I know that after my husband died who I cared for for many years, I literally found myself wandering around my house for months after, wondering what it was that I should be doing, as my days had been so full of caring for him.
Slowly over time, I started to do things that I enjoyed, like going to church, spending time with friends and family, and taking care of myself. But that didn't happen overnight. It took a while, and I'm sure it's different for everyone.
My husband will be dead a year in a few weeks, and I am finally feeling that I can move forward with my life, and am looking forward to seeing what the Good Lord has in store for me next.
So have patience my dear, and just start with some simple things that bring you joy.

Ooooo, Barb, sounds good! I might just buy a new sewing machine and forget about cleaning up the old one. Great idea, thank you!

Fuzzy, I can only tell you what I did (and I didn't do any of this stuff until my mom had been dead for several years; this is a process...).

Bought a new sewing machine (had given the old one to my daughter), bought myself a new instrument (something I've played for years), got myself a trainer (I work out with her 1x week for an hour) and got myself a therapist.

Decide what you want to work on first and take some baby steps this week.

Report back!! We care.