When your own family has issues how can you help a needy neighbor?

Hi ruralwannabe, I think it is sweet that you are worried about your neighbor. I truly think that as humans we should try and help our neighbors out. But what does that mean? Does that mean you should sacrifice your own well being to take on someone eles's ? Does that mean you need to be on constant call for your neighbor? IDK. But I do think that by reaching out to the forum for answers you have already decided that , maybe, you can be of some help to her and want to be. And I think that noble. And I think that if you try and ignore her needs it will bother you.

I guess I would just try and set up boundaries with the neighbor but let her know you do care. Maybe establish a set time when you visit with her-once a week- stop by for 20 minutes? I would not give her your cell phone number. That puts her too much in charge. My advice is keep the visits light hearted , not about her care-she should have agencies for that. Make it just social calls. Light chatter. Let her know she is not alone but you are not her caregiver. If she seems in need of help call APS. Just be a neighbor. A friend. But not a caregiver to her.

Blessings to you both.

You have enough on your plate with your own family needs. What you could do, if you wanted, is to encourage your neighbor to go to church, join a gym, reach out to her own family, request support through a local government agency or volunteer center. Make your boundaries clear. You can POINT her to community agencies that could help her, if you wanted.

has she reached out to you for friendship? someone like that is among has creeped into your mind,thoughts, prayers for a reason? examine your own heart,mind & behaviour before sitting in judgement of another-
as far as support- are you the neighborly type? get clear about your motives and move on from there
no one deserves to be feel abandoned - not the elderly, the sick, the well

if i were in your shoes id drop a meal by and thats that

Unless your neighbor was born with an underlying condition that prevented her from making rational, intelligent decisions as she grew up, I have to agree with Pstiegman .. even though it sounds cold. We are all an amalgam of our life choices.

I'd just gently tell her that your life is too full, but that you'll pray/light a candle/think a kind thought for her every day, and that it's the best you can do.

And then believe it.

Wow--do you have a karmic tie to this woman? Why does it have to be YOU? Because you will put up with unacceptable behavior longer than anyone she has already driven out of her life?
You are a big enough hero with what you are doing:) xo

If she needs friendship , their are plenty of cancer support groups . Tell her to look for one in her area.

She is alone by choice. Send her a little homemade treat once a week or flowers from the garden, and let her enjoy her solitude.

There is a reason she has no support and it is most likely because of all the behaviors you describe drive people away. I used to believe that I could help needy people but if there is an underlying personality disorder you are just banging your head against a wall anyway. You can try and drop off a meal but unless you set very firm boundaries it will not end there. Difficult to do, so most people will just cut someone like this out of their lives.

There are many different resources to help your neighbor. No, you do not need to give her your cell no. Hook her up with agencies who can call and visit her like churches, call your city's resources, meals on wheels can help too, and just let her know that she is not alone, but that your family needs all your help now and if and when those circumstances change, you will get in touch. Keep it friendly, but firm. Hanging barnacles never do detach themselves, they grow.

All these together is one awesome set of knowledge and guidance. I'm really glad I reached out to you. I have since heard even worse things about her behavior. That she has cussed out people for no reason. So yes to the underlying conditions. People still have moments in pain when human contact can lessen the symptoms and the personal pain. Will think of some way to make unobtrusive contact. I don't want to encourage or reward her needy behavior. I understand the need to establish a feeling of power when your body, mind, or life has forces at work that prevent you from being who you want to be. So she gets a little sympathy from me. But that's all, and some warm thoughts and wishes for peace and happiness. Corny as that sounds. Thanks so much.