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My mother 83 diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in February hap the whipple and every complication along with it 54 days in hospital 30 days in rehab been home since , with a friend needs 24 hour care . I came back sept 1 when she stopped eating she has been in the bed due to diarrhea and she has neuropathy in hands and feet I was afraid she would fall so she's been in bed since sept 2 .. Started giving her morphine for pain she claimed to not have (but did) then last Thursday she stated hallucinating at 2am so they put on meds .. Her vitals are still good so hospice can't tell me when ..it's just very sad to see her laying in bed mostly sleeping can't suck on a straw so I drop ice water in her mouth , she doesn't understand why she can't drink it .. She never wanted to be in this state of mind and body, we are at a lose of why God hasn't taken her home .. I'm here at her home with my aunt her sister which has been a blessing getting to know her , she explains a lot of my mothers behavior .. We just don't want to see her suffer and wish she'd let go ..

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I know it's difficult to watch a loved one's dying process unfold, and it can be confusing and leave you feeling frantic about "doing the right thing". I've been through it twice - the first time I was a complete wreck and my parent died peacefully in spite of it. The second time, I kind of knew what to expect. Still not easy but I was able to stay calmer and know that she would pass when she was meant to. Everything you're describing, believe it or not, is normal. Keep hospice on board and don't be afraid to ask them questions about the process. And know that a dying person doesn't really experience pain the way that we do - the body has a wisdom of its own and knows the way there. Wish I could give you a hug. God is with you. It will be ok.
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Dlolo54, I came across this during the summer when looking for resources while caring for my aunt. I think it explains the whole process in a more eloquent way than I ever could. Hope it helps you too.

http://kokuamau.org/resources/last-stages-life
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