When will I stop feeling like I’m lost in space?

I give you my condolences on the loss of your mom. It is certainly a difficult time - I remember.

* I believe that everyone grieves differently as we are all a unique combination emotionally, psychologically, mentally, spiritually -

* And, how we believe / process the transition from being here on earth to wherever we go. Some believe in heaven (which I do not understand personally), some believe in reincarnation and others, perhaps like me, believe that energy continues on and transforms.

* You 'may' stop tunneling through daily life . . . as you are when you feel through however you feel. Be with it. Understand it is grief and a part of the human experience. With lots of emotions going through us.

* If it supports you, write write write.
* Meditate.

* There is no rushing through grief. We can get stuck in the process though if we do not allow it to wash through us, like a spring or cascade on a mountain top.

* Reconsider - reframe how you say "... I only feel human texting . . . " ALL your feelings, including numbing out, are part of how you feel and part of your process.

* Sit with yourself in silence and be with 'it' no matter how 'it' feels or how you associate / attach meaning to it. Honor your grief by being with yourself through it. It is painful. You are likely in shock.

* If you have difficulty being with you, focus on your breath. Or, as we tend to inhale more deeply when we focus on it, be aware / focus on the in-between moments when breathing in and out.

* Key is to be present and honor all your feelings, even the ones you say you do not feel. They feel you. And, they want you to grieve and heal through however the process takes / moves you.

And, do things that bring you joy (flowers, gardening, a walk).
This is a time when you are super sensitive to the present. Love yourself in any way you that supports you in presence.

Touch Matters / Gena

I'm sorry to hear of your mom's passing. There is no time frame for grieving. I was a zombie for six weeks after finally getting my brother into a safe and caring facility with hospice care. Even though he is still alive anticipatory grief can take a lot out of a person, as can being in emergency mode as a caregiver. You might consider joining a grief group. Contact your local hospice. Good luck. Life will come back!

No two humans face this the same way. Some grieve before the passing and others afterwards. It will take time - talk to your loved ones for a while, I am sure they will understand but gradually stop doing this because they have heard it all. You can say a word or two but don't make the talks long. Find things you love to do and do them. And sit quietly by yourself and think and if need be cry - but do this in the quiet and by yourself. Given time, you will start to lose that horrible edge of suffering. You will never forget but you will be able to deal with it. Good luck and prayers.

I believe one reason the death of a parent is so disorienting is they are like our 'compass points' as we grow up from childhood; even tho you were prepared for your mother's passing, an it was blessedly gentle, you now have to function without a major reference point. It takes time; I'm so glad you have trusted support people, and you are wise to give them space too while you renegotiate your own path as an individual. Baby steps, it will come so be gentle with yourself; keep up your routines and let yourself feel what you feel as you get your bearings.

My sympathy on the passing of your dear mother. She's now living her best life in Heaven. You are tired emotionally and physically. I urge you to get up, make your bed, get dressed and go out every day. Doesn't matter if it's a morning walk around the block or going to get your hair done, The important thing is to get up and get moving. Motion destroyed depression. I took my grief out on my landscape and I would sweat and cry there. No wonder I won 'yard of the month' several months during that time. You've been taking care of mom -- not it's time to take care of you and your husband. Make every day count not fall into a blur of the one before and before. You can do this. And a lot of your friends here are cheering you on!

Graygrammie Thank you for the comforting words. They are very heartwarming. I appreciate that you took the time to read here and leave this lovely message.

There is no timeline fir grieving, but you can prevent staying in a permanent funk.

Get out in the world again. Whatever that means in your life.

Due to Covid, the world is probably different than it was when you started caretaking, so naturally your behavior has to adapt.

Do something you enjoy. Shopping, museums, movies, lunch with a friend? Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Design short, low-pressure outings alone or with others - but choose someone outside the bubble that you listed so thst you start branching out.

I always felt movies were a great place to escape. But learn about the movie before you go to make sure it is appropriate for your mood.

When I was first at a movie following my mom’s death, I chose a comedy purposefully and then there was this “supposed-to-be-funny” scene where this guy was electrocuted and needed CPR. I wanted to run screaming out of the theater because I was doing CPR on mom just after she died until the paramedics could arrive. The memory of that distasteful scene still makes me cringe.

The thing that helped me feel alive again most was engaging in volunteer work. It got me out and thinking about other people’s problems, not mine.

Volunteer work has changed too, but there are still lots of things you can do during Covid. Volunteering at a religious institution is easy, the projects are already set up, you can just show up and join the assembly line. No pre-thought needed.

if you aren’t interested in implementing a project that someone else has created, design your own. You can always start small by bringing dinner to someone who is sick or grieving. It is as simple as making an extra portion of whatever you are cooking. It may cause you to cook creatively, and make something more exciting than your repertoire.

To JoAnn for your 8-18-2021 answer . . . your words "Mom wasn't the Mom I knew. When she looked at me, there was nothing there. I mourned her long before she passed. When she passed, for me it was a blessing. I didn't have to worry about her anymore." . . . are EXACTLY the same for me, almost word-for-word.

I realized I was mourning for Mama while she was still alive by reading about it here on this wonderful site. Thank you again for your insightful response. It really helps.

graygrammie, picking up some of the things I did before caregiving is a great idea and I've thought about that off and on. Thanks to you, I'm digging my sewing machine out of the back of the closet tomorrow.

Thank you cxmoody. I like the idea to "metaphorically “dress in black” to give yourself permission to be sad. To slowly wade through the grief. For at least a year.

Daughterof1930, your words . . . "There were a number of weeks of feeling like I wasn’t myself. Time is your friend, it makes things better gradually. I found being outdoors to be a huge help" . . . ring so true for me also.

I don't feel like myself most of the time. Like I said, it's a "lost in space" kind of feeling. There are rare moments when I DO feel like myself, and I so wish the feeling would last. It's good to hear that time is my friend and will help make things better, gradually.

I LOVE the outdoors, I'm a real nature lover. But it is so hot here in Houston, I don't dare set foot outside for more than a few minutes at a time.

Thank you so much for your comforting words. It means a lot to me.

Update: I had a rare moment of feeling like my old self yesterday. It was invigorating! I called Mama’s last remaining sister (my age) to check and see how she is doing with the recent losses we have suffered.
 
As we talked, we connected with some distant memories about Mama and Aunt Kate. That got us reminiscing and even laughing . . . belly-laughing . . . OUT LOUD!
 
That felt GOOD! It left us both feeling better. It also made me realize I must do that more often. During those 11 minutes of chatter and laughter, I didn’t feel . . .
 
. . . “Lost-in-Space”.

Amelzer20, I offer you my sincere Condolences and prayers on the loss of your loved-ones. I wish you peace and blessings as you navigate through this difficult time.

Thank you for your comforting answer here. I truly appreciate it. Your words . . . "do what you can to honor them, to keep them alive in your heart and mind. We grieve in direct proportion to how much we love." . . . are powerful. They are so encouraging. Thank you!

Today  I didn't tunnel through the day doing stuff like a zombie. I didn't have that "feeling nothing" feeling. I felt human . . . again! That was nice.

I also felt some things I hadn't felt in a long time. I felt tired. But I didn't have that overwhelming exhausted feeling like I was going to pass-out. THAT was motivating, made me feel like my old self!

That's not all, but I 'll relax and let this sink-in. All in all, I didn't feel like I was "Lost in Space" today. That felt GOOD!

fuzzyknot: So sorry - I, too, have experienced near syncope episodes (pass out).

Llamalover, Thank you for your answer, I learned something new. This means a lot to me. I am especially grateful for your thoughtfulness.

Beatty, Thank you for your lovely answer. Talk about smiling, your answer made my heart smile too. You had me Googling with the word transcendence, I didn't know what it meant either. Here's what I found . . .

When you achieve transcendence, you have gone beyond ordinary limitations.

Again, thank you for giving me something new and inspiring to think about.

fuzzyknot: You're quite welcome. Glad to pass on firsthand knowledge. It is not fun at all to experience almost passing out.

Cynthiasdaughtr, I offer you my sincere condolences and sympathy on the loss of your mother. I will keep you in my prayers, wishing you all the best.

Learning that "It's been almost 3 months since your mom passed away, and you are starting to feel normal . . . deciding not to take on any new responsibilities for a year to give yourself time to heal" . . . gives me hope, and motivates me to adopt this great model.

Thank you for the touching and inspiring comment.

AvaC, you have my heartfelt sympathy on the loss of your mother. My prayers and well-wishes are with you.

Your tip to "Set small goals for myself each day and over time, set larger goals" is perfect for me. I try to do everything I can in small increments.

Thank you for reading here and for leaving this thoughtful answer.