So when do u know it's beyond "standard" caregiver stress and at a point for counseling?
I am tired of feeling angry & alone and just empty inside. It seems like anything and everything just frustrates and upsets me. I know they say anger can be a cover for pain which I think may be part of it. I've been caring for my paralyzed wife for 8 years now and I'm only 49. Our future is pretty much defined and there is no real "relationship" beyond that. I get up....go to work and go back home to what feels like a second job. I am very involved with her life and medical needs to try and help her life be better (pain management, physical therapy, insurance battles etc) but I don't feel respected or appreciated (Yes I have tried to share that with her). I feel desperate to find ways to bring joy into my life and sometimes wonder if it's at a level of being bipolar. I really can't see a therapist having a clue to what I go through and think I would just get aggravated at any of their coping or "me time" suggestions. It's like I know the answer already and this is just my life to manage. I get episodes of being happy and mentally focused and wonder if I am chemically imbalanced and if there's a way to test that. Is this depression, anxiety, stress, thyroid problems????
Is there medication to just help take the edge off and let me feel more relaxed and less anxious. I know my hands are full and think the stress comes from anything new that comes along like the straw on the camels back. It's easy to feel justified when that new piece of straw is something big but most of the time they all feel just as heavy and upset me equally. That's usually when I reflect back and wonder "what the heck is wrong with me?"
This sentence sounds like a defense mechanism and a rationalization for not seeing a therapist which I think you need to do and would benefit from. Stop depriving yourself of something that can be very helpful.
I've seen a couple of in-person therapists over the years (for a short time) and done things via a program over the phone (for a longer time). I've learned from all of those modes - some more than others. So if you try one and don't feel you click, don't give up. A therapist can't wave a magic wand and make your troubles go away, but the value of having another person listen to you and simply validate your feelings can't be underestimated. Feeling "heard" is huge. A good therapist will then help you find ways to change your behavior and/or outlook to make your life better and to feel hopeful and positive. It's worked wonders for me. And like you, I thought I knew myself and didn't see how they could change anything. They did.
And there's no shame in letting your wife know you're getting help - given her situation, it might make sense to do some couples counseling or have her find her own counselor. I'm sure she's got as many feelings of loss/grief/anger as you do, assuming that her issues are more physical not not something like a traumatic brain injury.
Please let us know how you're doing - you're with a group here who understands the kind of stress you're experiencing, even though our situations are different.
here ya go: therapists.psychologytoday/rms/ but yeah, someone with prescribing capabilities would be ideal. Antidperessants help you see the positives in life and there simply never seem to be ANY or at least any that matter when you are truly depressed - the brain needs a supply of good neurotransmitters to play with, and stress and then depression itself continuously depletes them. TxCamper nailed it.
And seriously - last year would have been a good time to start seeing somone, but this week would be OK too....its sort of like asking when is the best time to plant a tree... go for it, you are an awesome and good person and you deserve to have proper care for yourself, I say that because I remember so vividly one time I was depressed and I could nto believe I was even worthy of receiving the help I really needed. HUGS!
You probably want to find a psychiatrist who can prescribe. Sometimes they work as part of a group with clinicians who do therapy. You need this.
Good luck!
I went to a psychologist, someone whom I found off of the Psychiatry Today website. She was ok, or maybe I was just looking for an easy answer. She tried to get me interested in yoga which didn't interest me at all [others love it], or listening to certain calming music [but my mind would still wander], or relaxing voice over tapes. Nothing clicked for me. I didn't walk away empty handed, she did give me a couple of tips for dealing with my aging parents that still stick with me today.
I think I would have been better off trying to locate a local support group. See if there any support groups in your area for caregiving of a spouse... even though your wife isn't elderly, she requires the same type of care of someone of any age with her medical issues.
See All Answers