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My sister has lived w/ my parents all her life, she has a 16yr old son which my parents took care of, mom has multiple issues including dementia, dad has Parkinson's getting harder for him to move around everyday, my sister asked to come help her take care of them which I did I did everything making meals to mowing the lawn. after being there for 2 weeks I was kicked out by her and my father, they have always hated my relationship w/ mom!
I come by on weekends and once during the week to do there laundry, clean there room change the sheets ext. the last few months have been horrible, our brother took it upon himself to change her doctors and it took hi, my sister and father 5 months to get her one I kept asking questions about nut they wont give me any information, so I end up having to call her old doctors who still believe she is there patient! They cancelled her last few appointments (my siblings) I've noticed things have gotten worse w/moms hygiene and health, she has a staff infection on her nose, her sheet looked like someone had stabbed them both in there sleep and my sister never bothered to change them. she doesn't do anything! the house is disgusting I get there and I end up cleaning it she doesn't cook for them all they eat is fast food, I finally lost the other night and asked her if she thought living like this was alright? turned into a huge fight between us and my sister and dad kick me out again, before I left I told her I was going to call S.S on her for elder abuse, she yells at them, mom has sores on her feet and legs r swollen. She sits in her room and expects my father to take of mom but he cant do it anymore physically do it anymore and I will not clean up after her and her son ill clean up there areas and do what I need to do.
Mom is not ever going to get better but she needs a nurse to take care of her but no one in the family will listen to me! they call me stupid and say I cause drama, all I want is for mom to be taken care of the way she should be! I feel shes abusing my parents physically and emotionally! what should I do and if I do call S.S will they take my parents out of there home? They pay all the bills and rent.

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Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that!
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Tamstime's mother passed on Jan. 14th. Sorry it came out so badly.
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Tams, im glad your mom is okay and thst ER vidit jiggled things up a bit. Keep us posted, and keep your cool. You may find it useful to visit s counselor or therapist during this time; a lot of us have found that useful.
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My answer would have been "yes" also. You were stuck waiting for something bad to happen, and it did, and fortunately it was not too bad, just enough for a wake-up call. Tams, I did not think bipolar was a valid diagnosis, but I feel I can vouch that Pam was also trying to help, to make sure you take care of yourself and don't hit your head on the wall with siblings whom you alone can't make behave, when they blow you off s they have. Tempers flaring happens a lot in some families, and letting off steam is one thing but having it lead to shutting someone out is not good for anyone. The other thing to consider short of the APS involvement if things go back to the poor care you were describing, would be an elder mediation service. Sorry this is not going so well for you all!!
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Thank you to those of you with POSITIVE feed back! After I wrote that post I received a mass text from my sister stating she had taken mom into the emergency room that morning. Mom is o.k. but I had a chance to speak with the doctor about my concerns and he had a social worker speak with my sister and mom, my Aunt able to suggest that she listen to the social worker about getting help. She finally agreed that she might not be able or equipped to give them the care they need.
Yes you're right about the shouting matches or "I'm going to tell on you" Not the adult way to handle things, But sometimes it needs to happen to get results! as for my parents refusing my father yes, my mother does what is asked of her if you are patient and say it kind, loving way.
I'll keep you all updated on moms condition, and once again THANK YOU all for your advice and kindness. Hugs
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You can't get a script for home care if mom isn't under a doctor's care. It sounds as though your sister is seriously burnt out, in addition to whatever other issues she may have.

Sad to say, although you are certainly helping by cleaning and washing, getting into a shouting match hardly ever solves problems, and no it doesn't matter who yelled first.

APS may or may not be effective in your area. Call them, not "on" your sister, but to express concern about the fact that your parents aren't receiving medical care. ( consider that your parents maybe refusing to allow your sister to change their clothes, take them to the doctor).

Also call your local area agency on aging and ask for their advice. Call mom's old doctor and tell her/him what's going on. And try to step out of the " I'm gonna tell on you" mentality. It won't be effective in getting your parents the help they need.
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Is there some way you could get a home visiting nurse to the house to check on your mothers' leg wounds? She would be observant of what is going on and get other help if needed. They can even get someone to bathe your mom a couple of times a week. It's all just for the asking, it's medicare
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btw pamstegma sounds to me like YOU might have had ss called you a few times with the way you answered my question. you sound a bit bitter, like it hit a nerve. or it could just be me going thru menopause. People come to this site to be able to express our concerns on our loved ones care, not to be treated the way you did to me. I don't appreciate it and this will be the last time I ever come on it. Thanks for nothing
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pamstegma, I know I cant take care of my parents the way they need to be taken care and if you think that makes me bi-polar then I guess I am! If you read what I said that my sister leaves my mother in bloody clothes, her underwear stained, hasn't giving her a shower for 7 days her feet and legs so swollen she cant walk, feeds them fast food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, then hell yeah I'm bi-polar! the only thing im trying to fix is how my mother is being taken care! If this was sibling rivalry I already would have called and reported elder abuse, instead I made the mistake of asking for advice from people I thought MIGHT understand and give me some good advice on how to handle it!
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Misslauri, I am not joking. Tamstime needs help. She tried to help her parents and got thrown out the door. She can't fix the dysfunction of the family, she can only fix the dysfunction in herself.
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Pamstegma- bipolar disorder is a serious mental illness. That is not funny.
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I suspect you are just a little bit bi-polar and off your medications. You vascillate between insisting only you can care for them, then swing to the complete opposite, insisting you can't handle it. Please see an MD for yourself, get a complete physical and try to find the cause. Maybe it is stress, maybe it is change of life or maybe something else. Get help, get well and put the parents problems aside for now.
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You can go ahead and call APS . They won't tell them who reported. It's just like cps. If it were me I'd be super nice to my dad and sister and then call.
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If you believe your parents' healthcare needs are not being adequately addressed, you should call APS. It sounds, however, as though this is a case of extreme sibling rivalry and the inability to work together to get your parents ' needs met.
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