When should my Mom stop living alone?

coachmaggie,
you dont want to disrupt your lives and make sacrifices right now but i wonder if youll expect your daughter to uproot , lose a career , wages , etc when the time comes that you do need help .
this resonated with me for a reason . i stayed with my mom for about 3 years . she had a bipolar episode that hospitalized her and she ended up in an AL for a couple of months . i was pretty ill myself at the time from burnout , asked her if she would live at my new house so i could get on with my life -- nothing doing , so i trudged back to her home till she passed away 3 + yrs later from dementia . it was selfish of her and she admitted that but she loved her home . ( i loved mine too )
i love and appreciate her but those are 6 yrs from my life that could have went differently .

My husband and I are in our mid 70's and relatively no health problems, we both still drive wherever we want to go, I work out at a gym nearby, and my husband plays golf several times a week. Our daughter who lives 500 miles from us would like for us to move to a home near her home. We do not feel we are ready to do that, leave our friends, doctors, church activities. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

If Mom's place is a mess, start small, and ask sister if she needs anything from MOm's house....This should get you sister's ears to perk up a bit.If you put her into a board and Care, 6 residents and 2 caretakers in a one story house, the house may need extra towels bedding, kitchen ware, etc. If she goes into a assisted living facility a micro community, perhaps just bedding and towels. It's amazing what a person only needs when you get ALZ, pull up pants with drawstrings, pull over tops, a pair sneakers, house slippers (Acorns are great), lots of Depends, and couple of jackets, undertops, fuzzy blankets, things I cna't think of right now....

You need to get your mind wrapped around the actual thought of moving mom. I did. And I visit her a few times a week, even if it's 5 minutes....First step. You need to start looking and shopping around. Don't mention this mom, you will only get grief...When you think you found a place, ask your best friend to go with you, and other family members....if you have to. I didn't have siblings around me...

When you get to the point and find a place, Do it quick like a band aid. find a place you like for MOm near your home or between home and work. Take your time, and a friend and scout some places. When you find one, ask for a meeting, say at lunch time, and have lunch, and see how the place is, does it smell? Is it clean? are the residents happy, taken care of? How is the food?

Mom needs either in home care or be placed in a care facility. You don't give much detail. The dementia makes it very difficult to get her to cooperate. One way or another you, assuming you're taking responsibility , you have to do what has to be done for moms welfare. Look around this site for very good and specific info on any question you may have.