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How to determine when she shouldn't live alone? I am the sole caregiver to my mother. I have a sister but she is not present but every few months. My mom can no longer drive and her house is a mess. Is there counseling for caregivers to approach my mother delicately. She can be mean and stubborn and has lost her reasoning skills. She is 87 (going to be 88 in a couple of months). I really would like to consult with someone on how best to approach her and also to get some support emotionally dealing with the situation.

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coachmaggie,
you dont want to disrupt your lives and make sacrifices right now but i wonder if youll expect your daughter to uproot , lose a career , wages , etc when the time comes that you do need help .
this resonated with me for a reason . i stayed with my mom for about 3 years . she had a bipolar episode that hospitalized her and she ended up in an AL for a couple of months . i was pretty ill myself at the time from burnout , asked her if she would live at my new house so i could get on with my life -- nothing doing , so i trudged back to her home till she passed away 3 + yrs later from dementia . it was selfish of her and she admitted that but she loved her home . ( i loved mine too )
i love and appreciate her but those are 6 yrs from my life that could have went differently .
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My husband and I are in our mid 70's and relatively no health problems, we both still drive wherever we want to go, I work out at a gym nearby, and my husband plays golf several times a week. Our daughter who lives 500 miles from us would like for us to move to a home near her home. We do not feel we are ready to do that, leave our friends, doctors, church activities. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
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If Mom's place is a mess, start small, and ask sister if she needs anything from MOm's house....This should get you sister's ears to perk up a bit.If you put her into a board and Care, 6 residents and 2 caretakers in a one story house, the house may need extra towels bedding, kitchen ware, etc. If she goes into a assisted living facility a micro community, perhaps just bedding and towels. It's amazing what a person only needs when you get ALZ, pull up pants with drawstrings, pull over tops, a pair sneakers, house slippers (Acorns are great), lots of Depends, and couple of jackets, undertops, fuzzy blankets, things I cna't think of right now....
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You need to get your mind wrapped around the actual thought of moving mom. I did. And I visit her a few times a week, even if it's 5 minutes....First step. You need to start looking and shopping around. Don't mention this mom, you will only get grief...When you think you found a place, ask your best friend to go with you, and other family members....if you have to. I didn't have siblings around me...
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When you get to the point and find a place, Do it quick like a band aid. find a place you like for MOm near your home or between home and work. Take your time, and a friend and scout some places. When you find one, ask for a meeting, say at lunch time, and have lunch, and see how the place is, does it smell? Is it clean? are the residents happy, taken care of? How is the food?
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Mom needs either in home care or be placed in a care facility. You don't give much detail. The dementia makes it very difficult to get her to cooperate. One way or another you, assuming you're taking responsibility , you have to do what has to be done for moms welfare. Look around this site for very good and specific info on any question you may have.
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