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Been a little over 6 months my momma has been on hospice. We are at a point now she’s agitated. Angry. Won’t cooperate. Hospice has been great at controlling pain but pain has worsened. Momma is in her last stages of 4 metastatic cancer. Oxygen is needed more daily. She is almost not able to even walk with our help or a walker. She eats no solid foods- only nibbles on sweets. Fever has started and we are using the acetaminophen suppositories. I’m exhausted. Been day in and day out this last decline since July 30th. She lives with me and I’ve been on FMLA leave since July 30th. My leave ends Oct 31. I promised Her I wouldn't Put her in a facility but I cannot Do this anymore, especially for back to work and be up all night with her. I have 2 brothers who help but not enough. I don't Know what else to do other than a nursing home. And it’s breaking my heart. Breathing is becoming labored and she’s not always in her right mind. Am I wrong If I have To put her in a facility?? Help!! Just suggestions or ya'lls input. Only God knows when it’s time to take her but I feel Like it won’t be much longer. I came To this group because I have No one else to talk to about this. Afraid my brothers won’t agree with me and even more so afraid I’m breaking a promise to my momma 😭 I am

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Herdaughter54, I am so sorry for all that you are having to deal with, it's heartbreaking. The following is my opinion based on my own experience

If it were me I would place Mom into a nursing facility. You made that promise to your her without having any idea what it entailed. It sounds like you have reached the breaking point. If you don't practice self care you might suffer serious consequences to you physical and mental health.

Your brothers have no say in what you need to do to care for yourself. Ignore any disapproval. The world is full of morally puffed up folks who delight in judging others. Tune all that out and focus on those who support you.

As for your Mom, you can still be there for her while she is in the facility. Find a place that allows regular visitation be it via Skype, window visits or in person. Mom will not be happy about going into a home, she will be angry, my Mom was, but in time you will realize her anger is not at you. She is sick and dying and that's cause enough for someone to be angry and sad and afraid.

No matter how much she lashes out keep telling her you love her. Tell her the things that you love about her. I had a difficult relationship with my Mom but I was still able to do those things. It helped.

Best to you in this difficult time.
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What are the hospice nurses saying about what is going on with your mom? If they feel her time is drawing near you can have her brought to the hospice facility where she can stay up to 7 days and it still be covered 100% under moms Medicare. That way she can die there and be taking care of 24/7 by their staff, and not have to go to a nursing facility. That might be worth looking into.
And if she lasts longer than the 7 days, you/she will just have to pay out of pocket to continue staying there until she dies.
You're doing the very best you can and I know your momma knows that. She doesn't want you all stressed out over her care, so talk to the hospice nurse about having her transferred to their facility.
I know that all this is very hard on you. My husband was under hospice care for 22 months in our home, and it was like being on a rollercoaster.
Hang in there. There is light at the end of your tunnel, and believe it or not, when your momma finally does meet Jesus, you will wish for just one more day to care for her. It's kind of crazy how that works. God bless you my dear.
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Herdaughter54 Oct 2021
her Nurse says it could be anyday or a few weeks. She also said she is blown away on how long momma has held on. She told me my momma is one strong lady. 2 weeks ago we thought we were losing her callednall family in- she bounced back. I’ve tried to prepare myself- even tho i know I wont Be prepared. The same thing happened with my daddy in 2016 when cancer took him down except he only spent 3 days on hospice. I’ve seen the signs and symptoms. Only God knows though. I will Talk to her hospice nurse and get her thoughts about this. I just Know as exhausted as i am Now and being off wirk i can Only imagine how exhausted I’ll be working and being up with her at night even tho someone could stay with her during the day. I bought a new home this past May and the last thing i need ia lose my job and my home. I feel In my heart I’ve done my best. I’m just torn to pieces about maybe putting her in a hospice facility because i did Promise her I’d keep her home with me until Jesus carries her home. Thank you for your kind words. I just need to talk to someone. And talking to my brothers they just fall apart. I am Tired of having to be the strong one. I just Need someone to be strong for me. God bless you and thank you
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Do your brothers have jobs? If not, they need to be spending nights there helping more.
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