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My DH is in middle stage ALZ. I have become his safety net. He must know where I am and looks for me, even when I'm in the next room. If I go out alone, he calls quite often because he's frightened. We've had two situations when I was out he tried to use the microwave or put coffee in the toaster oven to heat in a non-oven dish. Fortunately he couldn't figure out how to use the toaster-oven but it was scary thinking of the possibility of a fire. Now I unplug the toaster-oven if I go out. He doesn't like my concerns about leaving him alone. I still leave him alone for short periods of time but when will I know for certain never to leave him alone?

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How about a senior center? I knew someone who told his wife she was volunteering there but she really had dementia and could not be at home alone.

I think you already knew the answer to your question. The time has come. You need to be able to go out and not worry the whole time about what you will find upon your return. It's too iffy for you to take a chance any longer.

But, for self care, YOU still need to be able to get out and have some time to yourself. Since he feels he does not "need" help, then shift it so the helper is for YOU, not him. YOU need help with laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Just happen to schedule this helper to come do these things for you with when you need to be out of the house. If something is going wrong, they can intervene and/or call you.

Good luck.
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I would say ur to the point he should not be left alone.
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Karenhage Sep 2019
I agree with you. How to get him to quit fighting this next step is my challenge. Hopefully our doctor will help him with this decision.
Thanks for your reply.
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I agree with Joann, you are there now.

Have you looked into an Adult Daycare? It would ensure he is safe and you can run your errands, meet a friend for lunch etc.
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Karenhage Sep 2019
I have looked into Adult Daycare and would use it a heart beat. Unfortunately my husband has made it very clear he will not go, I don't need it. I have taken steps to be on the waiting list so that when I put my foot down or a doctor tells him I need it some of the paperwork is done. Thank you for your reply,
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When Luz, DW, got to that pont I would hire a companion service to sit with her for a few hours. I would have to schedule is two days in advance but I had no problem with that. The service had a four hour minimum. That allowed me todo whatever I needed to do.
As said above, you could say that the help is for your chores, including a lunch break for the companion.
Good luck to you.
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