It's been 20 years of taking care of a sicker and sicker man. Now we just started with palliative care. Denial and minimization are his coping mechanisms. I had to hire a janitorial company to come do a biohazard cleaning, even his medicine bottles had feces on them. The housekeeper just cleans the bathroom, and there were pieces of feces or something stuck to the floor in the bedroom, that the service got up. He is a good man and I want to be kind and loving but I am tired, tired, tired, and grossed out. Why can't he change the depends without getting crap everywhere? We don't share the same bedroom and bathroom, by the way, because I always found him too dirty and messy, and he snored. I've got a message in to the new dr. to get a referral for home health care. He has fungus on his toenails so they look like they are rotten and are falling off. His feet stink, and he never washes under or between his toes. And he does the new york times crossword puzzle in ink every day! The COPD got bad about 11 years ago - before that it was heart surgeries and arrhythmia and heart failure. I find myself wanting him to just die and leave me alone. I don't want to be his mother.