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I had written quite a lot and accidentally disconnected from the internet, which may have been a sign it was too long (even though I had a few hundred characters left).


Briefly. Mom is in hospice. If she is agitated or restless, there is liquid lorazepam to give her.


She was restless Sunday night so I called the nurse and asked if it was OK to give to her. She said yes and that it was such a small dose that I could repeat it if she didn't go to sleep. I still work full-time from home but had to call in Monday because I was too tired to think straight.


She slept. She was lethargic Monday, but by yesterday (Wednesday) she was perkier than normal.


She called me to her room 4 times last night, first to potty, then to get up (explained it was the middle of the night and asked if she could go back to sleep and she said yes), then as soon as I was in bed, she called to me again, so I figured that was "restless" and gave her the lorazepam. As soon as I got back in bed, she called me again but by the time I got back to her room she was asleep.


This morning she is lethargic again.


Am I over medicating? I feel like it's necessary since I can't sit up with her at night and she's not safe to be up on her own.


My sister (RN, doesn't lift a finger to help, tells me I should hire someone to sit with her at night) will say I'm abusing Mom because she's lethargic.


I'd like some opinions from others who have been in similar situations.


Thanks!

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Hey daddys,

Does your mom have resources to hire an overnight caregiver? That seems it would be best because you need your sleep and you want to make sure mom is safe from falls and able to get to the bathroom.

You could try giving melatonin a couple hours before bedtime, along with the lorazepam.
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Mom has resources but doesn't wake up every night (yet) and I am not keen on the idea of having someone in the house while we are asleep. She already takes melatonin (and Risperdal, Lyrica, and something else that should make her sleepy). Mom can't get up by herself without me knowing because (1) the bedrails are up and she can't climb over them and (2) if she figures out how to get out at the foot of the bed, we have a bed alarm that notifies us.

My main question is, should I feel guilty about giving her lorazepam occasionally since it makes her lethargic the next day?

Thanks again
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lealonnie1 May 2021
No, you should not feel guilty about giving your mother a prescribed medication to help her get thru whatever situation she needs help getting thru, even if it makes her lethargic the next day. She's at the end of her life now and on hospice care for this precise reason: so she doesn't have to suffer and so she can take medications to avoid suffering. Stop trying to anticipate what your sister the RN may have to say about you administering prescribed medication to your mother. If your sister the RN has a better way of doing things, then SHE should come and do the caregiving for her mother and you can offer free advice from the armchair!
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Get some guidance on this from hospice nurse, expressing what you have here. Ask if there’s a better plan to help with overnight sleep. And don’t listen to those who criticize and make no offer of help
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NeedHelpWithMom May 2021
Excellent advice!
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I used to hate this when my mom had to take Xanax. After one dose she slept for 30 hours.

Unfortunately, she HAD to take Xanax, and the dose she was taking was the smallest available. Without that medication she would become unmanageable to the point of exhausting herself.

Often in geriatric care, benefit/risk is the only consideration there is.
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You should not feel guilty for giving her the medication that hospice has provided.

I think that I would give it to her earlier in the evening to prepare her for sleeping through the night.

This is something that we are not taught about, caring for an elder, dying parent. We do the best we can and try our best to ignore those that offer criticism with help. In the end you know that it was you there and doing the best you could, so please be kind and gracious to yourself, you are being your moms hero right now, regardless of what anyone else tells you.

I would not tell my sister anything, you want to know, come visit. She doesn't get to run the show in your home or freely criticize what you are doing, period. No explanation needed. Put up or shut up!
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I fully agree with Daughter1930 on this. Refer only to the hospice nurses for guidance on administering meds.

My mom recently died in a hospice house and the caregivers were excellent and had an abundance of experience but were required to speak to the nurses about giving any medication or adjusting the dosage and when it was to be given. They know the patient and their history.

No one on this forum can advise you on specifics.

Wishing you peace during this difficult period in your life. It’s hard. It’s only been a little over a week since my mom died, so it is very fresh in my mind as to what you are going through.

Hospice is a wonderful resource. I am very glad that you are taking advantage of it. It’s all about comfort care. My mom died with dignity and free from any anxiety and pain.

I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. I know that I appreciated everyone on this lovely forum who took the time to send warm wishes and prayers. I am happy to do the same for others.

Take care.
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You say it does what it's supposed to do but leaves a hangover, so my suggestion is to lower the amount or to give it earlier in the evening, and the latter would be my choice.
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