I moved here to become a caregiver for my grandmother. I had moved into my parents house so that they could continue their jobs and their lives. I also have six other brothers and sisters five of which live in this area but when never come to help even when I asked and begged. The expected time was to be short with just a couple months before she passed away it ended up being just over a year that I was her caregiver. I left my home my job everything behind I left my kids with their father to come and help out my family. I was my grandmother's caregiver 24 hours a day 7 days a week very rarely getting a break or a day to go out of the house. Over our time together my grandmother and I became very close and we developed this Bond and this trust that very rarely does one ever get it was almost like she was my little baby and I had to protect her. I loved doing this for her and I realized what a blessing it was that I was the one that got to do this for her. But also frustrating as I seen everybody else going about their everyday lives and just coming and going as they please and I wasn't able to do any of that. Since it became a lot longer than expected I lost my home I lost my job my kids have now been with their father for over a year they did come and visit me but towards the end it was too difficult to have them here to visit. My grandmother just passed away two days ago and now I have my mother and father asking me when I'm leaving and I'm still trying to cope with my grandmother dying. She my grandmother literally fought dying it ended up being miserable traumatic and she just suffered the past 2 weeks I hope to God I never see anything like that again. She was in so much pain she would ask me to help her and I wouldn't know how the nurse just continuing to give her medications but they never worked they just gave her more and more anxiety and made her more miserable. The nurse said that in her 26 years of being with hospice only one other time did she see anyone as bad as my grandmother. Finally on the day before she passed I exploded at my family because they were watching me fall apart and not doing anything and I told my dad he needed to go in there and be with his mother and I just couldn't be with her period I just could not see her like this. She passed away at 5 the next morning and I now feel extremely guilty because I wasn't there and then I got so angry the night before. I keep just waiting to here my grandmother asked me for something or I keep going and checking on her like I feel like there's this part of me that is missing and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I know I need to pack my stuff and get back to my hometown but I kind of don't know how to now and I'm scared to leave the house and don't know where to go I feel like I've lost everything since being here and I'm just lost. I know I need to get on with my life but how? And then how do I go back to living the life I did before I started doing this? Stop being a caregiver one day and then the next day go back to their lives they had before because I'm finding that I'm not so sure I can do that?