When does retirement come for us?

Welcome to the Boomer Sandwich Generation. After my father died in 1987, my mother moved in with me and my two younger daughters. I remarried after the girls had left home, and my mother still lived with us. After 25 years, I started having panic attacks as she became more dependent on me. Two doctors told me that I needed to place her in assisted living.

It is the best advise I have ever received. I have my life back, I supervise mother's care, and I will be retiring in 28 weeks. I am going to have a retirement that I have earned without any guilt.

Apparently we don't. I know my parents looked after my grandparents who only made it to 70 something. Now we are boomers ready to need care ourselves and our parents are 80 something. Our children are parents that both work. No relief in sight!!!

Please pray for my husband - he just called - he was on his way to Costco with my MIL LOL

in most cases i know only one daughter or son is making this extraordinary sacrifice . forget estate division -- i think compensation should go down at the time of the caregiving to the point there is nothing left for non contributing sibs ..
i never began drawing up a caregiver agreement till it was legally necessary . in hindsight one sis walked away with her prize of 9 k and another with the family home -- which i didnt want .. mom and i should have spent that s**t up on our comfort ..

My siblings are sure enjoying their retirements.. Just look on their FB page...

1DivineDiva: ??? if your brother doesn't want Mom to go to sisters house because of BIL, then tell your brother he can take Mom!!

freqflyer - that's exactly what I'm talking about! The problem is (at least with my husband and I), we didn't save adequately, and when we thought we had enough, first one financial disaster (tech wipeout of '02) then another (job loss and housing crash) wiped out what we had. We didn't really worry too much about it, though - because, as I always laughingly say, "I'm an heiress". And my husband has his mother's home, that, while not worth a fortune, he's always known would be his someday. It's free and clear, and he was told his mom had long term care insurance, so he didn't have anything to worry about. She would just go in the Lutheran Home when the time came. Well it's about time, or will be soon, so we looked into her care insurance, and apparently what she did was prepay an entrance fee. When it's time, she has to sign over all her assets! I don't think she was aware of that. Now, I'm concerned for my husband. If anything were to happen to me before I have inherited, according to the terms of the trust, my portion of the estate will go to my kids (who are not my husbands children, although he raised them). If his Mom goes into a nursing home, he will be left with only SS. Not enough. This whole situation is very scary. My poor husband is fearful is living under a bridge. He has been an amazing husband and a great son and son in law. He worked hard his whole life. His last job, which he just left in March, he worked for a tribal casino, and they enjoyed working him 90 hours a week - on salary, of course. He often worked 3 weeks in a row without a day off. I made him retired because I was afraid he was going to drop dead. Now he's afraid he's going to be old and homeless. You just can't win.

But they would be fine with that because they wouldn't have pay that person ;)

I hate taking any of the folks to Costco.. I am an in and out kinda girl, dislike the crowds... They want to eat their way around, and MIL says yes to any sales person who says "do you want to buy some..." Then I have to sneak it out of the cart... The only plus is my mom pays for it all or I would be broke!

Jessie - I texted my husband a while ago to ask him if he survived the Costco trip and if he needed bail money - he said yes he survived, and no he didn't need bail, but he finally told her to go sit down because her hip was bothering her (because she had to go up and down every single aisle and look at everything), so he got the list from her and finished it up. They got out of there for under $150, which I always consider a success. I call Costco the $300 store - cause it seems like that's what it always costs you when you go there. Unless you go there on a Friday or Saturday with the intention to only eat your way through the demos. I've done that when I've had free time - it's fun - but you have to have to have resolve that you are NOT going to buy - just eat all the samples and go home full. FREE FOOD!! LOL The etiquette is no more than one sample at any one station, that's why you have to go on Friday or Saturday - lots to choose from and fill you up. (I have a Costco less than a mile from me - it's cheap entertainment lol).