I've posted before about my situation but a quick recap: mom is 69, has Lewy Bodies Dementia from a stroke in 2013. She is also diabetic (managed through diet and exercise), has high blood pressure and high cholesterol. She has been living with me since 2015. I am 42 and she has a caregiver during the day while I am at work.

Since April mom has been losing interest in activities at the Sr. Ctr. She hasn't been since beginning of April. She has been talking to herself and mumbling under her breath. Since beginning of May she has been refusing to eat anything that I make and would not let caregiver cook for her. She thinks she can make her own meals, however she can not. It turns out to be a disaster in the kitchen or about to be a safety hazard for us both. I have had to power down the appliances when going to bed because she would get up in the middle of the night claiming she has not eaten and wants to cook something. This month she has been refusing her meds on several occasions and this past weekend I had to take her to emergency room because her feet were swollen. Her pressure was in the stroke zone and they said it was due to her not taking her medicine.

I just don't think I can keep her at home safely if she does not listen to me/caregiver/doctors when it comes to her eating and taking her meds. She has always been stubborn and mean-spirited to family, but lovely to outsiders. She has lost 8lbs in 2 weeks because she refuses to eat. You may get one meal out of her and that is by 8 pm and that maybe cereal or a PB&J. She doesn't want to come out the room most of the day, she believes she is "working." She suffers from hallucinations.

Is it time for her to go to memory care? We have tried increasing meds, but now that she is not consistently taking them, that doesn't help the situation.

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First have Mom checked for an urinary tract infection as the symptoms in the elder can mimic different stages of dementia.

As for Assisted Living/Memory Care or nursing home/memory care, check around to see which one would suit her best. The Staff will do an evaluation on Mom to see if Memory Care is where she needs to go.

I remember when my Dad was in Independent Living and the Staff said it was time to move him into Memory Care... say what? It took me by surprise but then I had to remember the Staff was around Dad all day.
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Ask day care staff their opinion. Yes freqflyer has very good advice. You could request a nurse from a care facility you find you like and is convenient to come and assess mom to recommend best options.

Sounds like your mom is at that point. My mom is in memory care but it is divided up into dorms by level at which the resident functions. My mom is pretty independent with prompting and has adjusted well. These are small dorms so there is a common living area homey and kitchen dining area so very much like home and then in evenings residents retire to their bedroom.

You can also sign up for respite care and see if it is a good fit for mom. It's expensive but a good option to see if mom likes and staff is the right fit. I had my mom do respite as a try out before I decided on permanent place.

Consider joining a local support group in your area with other caregivers. You can ask a lot of questions and also learn from others and gain insight as to signs for when it is time to get more care assistance.
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