When do you or did you get an outside agency involved?

You could be charged by whom for neglect? Are family members threatening to report you? Who else would?

Persons who have never done hands-on caregiving for someone with dementia have no idea how very hard it can be to get a loved one to a doctor! ER is one thing, and you did get her there. A doctor is another thing altogether. Did these family members come over and help get mother ready to go to the doctor in spite of her intestinal issues, and then to take her?

Whether you got the appointment tomorrow or a month from now really won't make a lot of difference in the dementia outcome. There is no cure for dementia, and drugs for the symptoms will start when/if she gets them. It is usually very helpful to see a specialist such as a neurologist, so you are doing the right thing.

I am sorry that your family is trying to make you feel guilty. That is not helpful or fair.

I do think it would be a very good idea to call an agency to find out what help might be available to you. It should not be Elder Protective Services Program -- that is about abuse, and that is NOT what is going on here. Call SeniorConnection instead, as that is the link to Massachusetts Area Agency's on Aging. They can help you identify resources that Mom might need and qualify for and tell you how to contact those resources.

It is highly unlikely that Mom would be forced into a care center. It is generally less expensive to provide some help in the home that to place someone in a care center. And even if some agency suggested that Mom has rights to make her own decisions.

You both deserve help. Take the initiative in finding out what help is available -- but call the right agency!

Come back and keep us informed about how things are working out for you.

It is not unusual to be given an appointment a month hence in a non-emergency situation, by a specialist. So first off, these well-meaning family members are dull and mis-informed. If your mom is being examiner and evaluated for dementia, it's not an emergency, don't worry, it's not going anywhere:-). If medications are indicated, there's no big rush. If, however, you feel like your mom is having symptoms of a TIA or stroke, call 911. Post back and let us know how things are going.

Why DON'T you call 'elder services'? If family is pushing you to do so, it indicates to me that they have a concern about your mom and. possibly, you yourself. The Council on Aging (or whatever it may be called in your area) has many wonderful resources to offer you. Whether or not your mom wants to take advantage of them is more your decision than hers.

Small piece of advice, don't tell someone who fussed about these things that "someone is coming". Just answer the door when they get there and act a bit surprised. At least in my mom's situstion, telling her about almost anything beforehand sends her into panic and endless "what if" scenarios. Somewhat better with antidepressant medication, but still worries.