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My 82 yr old mom moved in with us last year and has begun frequently passing gas very loudly, spitting, picking her nose and picking her teeth. Licks serving ware and puts it back in the bowl as she is serving food. Also not washing her hands when she should. ( Swears that she did though I just witnessed otherwise) I try handing her tissues and dental picks. Have suggested Gas-X and she looks at me like I’m nuts/gets her feelings hurt. Her mother lived until she was 90 and did not do any of these things around other people. Even at home. I’m a bit of a germaphobe so I end up washing everything she touches. I’ve also found broken glass, pills on the floor (we have two pets). She appears to be mentally fine otherwise. Only takes a BP med and a low dose arthritis med. Blood tests are normal. She still drives everywhere. Goes to a gym class, church, bible study, grocery shopping etc. We have a very relaxed household. But there is relaxed and then there is gross and dangerous


At what point and how do you suggest to a parent that they be tested for the possible onset of dementia? She will be in complete denial.

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If she is aware of what she is doing you could have a talk with her and say that if her behavior continues and she does not follow the rules in YOUR house you will be looking for Assisted Living for her.
Now if she is not aware of what she is doing then you need to readjust your expectations and limit what she can and can not do. You serve her, she does not serve or touch utensils other than her own. As far as the gas and picking at her teeth and nose you will probably have to try to learn to accept it for what it is.
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Goodintentions May 2019
Thanks. I’m working on my patience level.
Hard to scold the person who taught you manners.
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I believe the mini-mental evaluation is appropriate annually for everyone 80+. It can document normal functioning and helps catch any major decline quickly. Unfortunately, it may not show any problems with your mother at this point because it tests more memory and coordination than inhibitions. My father's vascular dementia displayed changes in courtesy, language and personality that were unusual for him a couple of years before problems with executive decision making were apparent; then compromised coordination. His basic memory remained mostly intact until his death - other than periods (couple of hours to 1-2 days during and following a TIA) when he would remember absolutely nothing.
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Goodintentions May 2019
Her long term memory is amazing and I’ve been told that is apparently common as we age. She does tend to live in the moment and focus strictly on positive issues. If the conversation becomes unpleasant or something she can’t take over she will leave the room. Has hearing aids but still can’t hear very well. Though she will pretend to hear you. We have learned her standard responses. Still can out talk anyone in the room. Has an amazing vocabulary and sense of direction. Breezes through crossword puzzles and games. I believe she is doing what is called “show timing” when she is at the doctor and some social functions.
That said, we are on constant watch when out in public with her. She has a serious lack of impulse control and will pick up items in others homes. Will walk up to strangers and touch them or their children and comment on something they are buying, wearing or their looks. I’m surprised she hasn’t been assaulted by someone she has surprised out of the blue yet. Fortunately she is tiny and sweet.

It sounds like the test won’t help as there is no problem with memory or coordination at this point. I realize we all decline at different rates in different areas.

Thank you for responding. Just venting helps.
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I think I would have a good talk about the courtesies of living with other people. Let her feelings get hurt, it will help you understand what is happening. If she can't understand then you have a good idea that there is mental decline.

I am a bit OCD with cleanliness and hand washing and licking serving spoons would send me over the edge, disgusting is minimizing it.

Some people think that the privacy of your own home allows disagreeable behaviors, not when others live there. Social niceties still apply.
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Goodintentions May 2019
Thank you for your response.
Our discussions up to this point have been useless. She comes back with a pitiful “I just don’t do anything right around here” (has always been very confident) or “Well I guess I’ve been alone for so long” ( Baloney. Lived by herself for a total of two years and her social schedule was crazy.). The first two didn’t get sympathy so then she threw the “You’ve always been OCD and a bit of a germaphobe”. She tries to reel in my husband on that last one but he finds her behavior gross as well. He is just less confrontational.

Your last sentence is what I will focus on for our next talk. She was obviously aware of social niceties when we all visited with each other over the last 30 years.

Again, thank you.
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