I am my wife's primary caregiver. We have caregivers come in a couple times a week. When I leave our apartment to go do something, my wife goes out the door looking for me. If the caregiver is cooking, she has to turn off the stove and follow after my wife to bring her back. My wife gets into things as she is walking which disturbs other residents. If I can't go for a walk or do something on my own, what is the point of paying a caregiver? Any suggestions for either issue would be greatly appreciated.
Were you there at home, it would be the SAME, but now it is the purview of the caregiver hired on to--yes-- turn off the stove and run get your wife. This is what the caregiver is hired to do. Stop worrying about it the time you are free.
Eventually this will not be sustainable. You are one person. Your wife now requires the help and supervision of an entire SHIFT OF PEOPLE. She may need placement. That is just a fact in all of this, and I am so sorry for it. I wish you the best of luck.
Again that would mean hiring 2 different people, one to cook and one to keep your wife occupied while you're out and about.
And of course if caring for your wife is now getting to be just too much for you it may be time to look into having her placed in the appropriate facility.
Get locks for your doors and secure them when you leave. The caregiver will need to know how to unlock them for safety reasons, of course.
The above suggestions will only help for a short period of time. Your wife needs 24/7 care with professional caregivers. Then you'll be able to do what you want - but you will need to visit her often, especially at first. Start looking at facilities while your back isn't to the wall yet. I wish you luck in finding a great place for your wife.
https://www.silverado.com/journey-resources/dementia-proofing-your-home-a-caregivers-guide-to-safety-and-comfort/
You might begin thinking about whether your wife will need a memory care placement, if her needs increase. I'm sorry you and she are experiencing these issues.
You could look into having Meals on Wheels delivered, if cooking is an issue.
In addition to a more complicated lock on the door that your wife can't operate unsupervised, you can also try camouflaging the door so your wife won't recognize it as a door.
There are stick on murals that can be applied to the door so it looks like a bookcase. Also, a black doormat can look like a hole to someone with dementia.
https://www.alzstore.com/door-murals-peel-and-stick-p/0364.htm
Explain the priorities of duties to your caregiver. If your current caregiver is unable to manage this task properly and keep your wife safe, then find another one!
The caregiver did not sign up to take care of an adult-sized toddler. The husband can make sure his wife has a cold lunch ont he days he gets downtime so the caregiver doesn't also have to cook.
If your wife must be supervised like a toddler 24/7 to the point where the caregiver can't even cook the meal, there needs to be some changes made. Like on the days when the caregiver comes and you go out, your wife gets a cold lunch that has been prepared in advance so the caregiver does not have to watch her and cook the meal.
Another option is to get rid of the caregiver altogether and put your wife in adult daycare a few days a week for however long you need for your downtime.
it’s a tough one but I agree with posts below. The caregiver is there to redirect and give you the time away you need. Make sure you take advantage and that you have the right caregiver who can handle the redirect.
Mom had chores to keep her busy:
folding laundry
wiping down the kitchen counters
putting the silverware away in the drawer from the dishwasher caddy
dry swiffering the floors with a dust mop
outside she picked up pine cones and little branches and put them in a bucket
Give the caregiver a daily activity schedule. This keeps a routine going.
It can also include puzzles etc.
Does your wife get outside with a walk with the caregiver?
Caregiver should be engaged with your wife's schedule.
Mom would have interpreted this as a "hole".
White rugs were also problematic. She would not step on these.
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Your wife needs more supervision (when you leave or perhaps even when you are there). She could be considered a 'wonderer' - Certainly she should NOT be allowed to go outside alone (re disturbing neighbors - ?)
You cannot change dementia although you/caregivers can provide distractions.
Perhaps while the caregiver is cooking, your wife could take a nap.
Ask MD about medication to help with her anxiety when you leave.
While perhaps not something you want to do, lock her in her room (with something to do / distraction) and/or have her in the kitchen whle the caregiver is cooking.
Call a dementia association and ask them.
This might be a very common problem.
Try asking TEEPA SNOW's office; read her website.
The caregiver may need to spend more time with her when you leave to ease her into the changing environment (you not there). Ask the care provider how s/he handles this situation. They may need more instruction / guidance.
Gena / Touch Matters
Sometimes it takes a little trial and error to find the right match and even with the right help, you may have to do some preparation in the beginning before you can leave your wife.
To me this sounds like shadowing behavior.
This is common when it is usually just the two of you all the time. Your wife probably has separation anxiety when she can’t see you. It will take awhile for her to become accustomed to being left behind. And awhile to become comfortable with the caregiver and awhile to trust that you will return.
https://www.agingcare.com/search?term=Shadowing
Copy and paste this link if it doesn’t open into your browser or go to the top of this page and enter shadowing in the search engine. You will get a list of articles and questions and answers about shadowing.