When a family member who babysits says that taking care of mom who is 99 is no different than her babysitting, what do you say?

I hope you can just shake it off. My brother that hasn't helped out has lately decided he needs to be around for all the meetings with therapists and nurses. Yet he doesn't actually do anything. When it's diaper time he's gone. When it's time to watch mom like a hawk. He's distracted by the TV. The "help" ends up taking more of my time since now I have to worry about whether he's really helping or not.

This 'baby' weighs much more, has experience that makes them sly as a fox, the diapers are bigger, the urine out put is at a vastly higher volume, takes 2 people to to bathe or change clothes - tell her to get her head up from her cell phone & educate herself before she says other things that make her look like a moron like when she said that -

On second thought don't you tell her just let her read this & she'll see what others, who know from actual experience, think of her stupid response

Moe, the non-caretaking babysitter isn't stupid - - but she is ignorant, and that gives her arrogance which is hard to abide. But right on, let her read this so she knows what people have experienced that she hasn't, and what a good job dgharris is doing in spite of unwarranted outside judgement...

Tell her to keep her opinions to herself. And put that 99 year old woman in a nursing home.

Why isn’t your mother in an elder care facility?

I've done both babysitting, for younger siblings and others, and caregiving for my mom. I changed my first baby diaper when I was seven years old with assistance from my six-year-old sister (and it was a cloth diaper, mind you : ) If your family member thinks that it's as easy to lift a 120-pound adult on and off the commode as it is to lift a baby onto and off a changing table, then I really don't know what to say.

& big “kid” wears bigger diapers & does not learn potty training...& can’t fit on a baby diaper changing table in public bathrooms...

I've been trying to get that visual out of my head for the past hour.... lol!

Taking care of ONE elderly sick parent is ten times more work than taking care of five kids at a time. It is extremely hard and exhausting and whilst one has every good intention, it can still be draining on the carer. Children are different and one can 'manage' them, while the elderly often do not want to be 'managed'. Stay strong and ignore the silly ignorant comment.

I forgot to add that generally the caregiver is much older for seniors than for children so is more taxing than for a younger person - we all have our own health issues over & above what our loved ones have

It like comparing apples & oranges - they are both fruit with the red/orange skin but the FLAVOUR IS DIFFERENT!

Moecam, excellent point about age of the caregiver.

I remember grumbling about how I had to drive my elderly parents all over hill and dale, when a co-worker said I need to remember that my parents had driven me with I was a child....

To this I said, hmmm good point, BUT my parents weren't in their late 60's when I was a child, big difference.

Age is a good point, but the OP is comparing her sister who babysits children with her job caring for her mother, so it wouldn't be relevant in this case.

SueC1957 - Reading your post gave me heart. My mother is 88 and has mid-stage dementia. At the moment she is still fairly independent. This year I will be giving up my part-time job to look after her because she has started to become extremely anxious when I am away for any length of time. Her issues are mainly around short term memory, anxiety and making up stories. I have never asked anyone to look after her and would probably lose it if they made the remark mentioned in the original post. I love my mum to bits and cry when I think about what is ahead but your post has really encouraged me. I admire your spirit and patience. God Bless.

Show the non caregiver this thread. And try to convey to them how physically and emotionally draining and demanding caregiving is.

One more thing: it's much more frequent to suffer from depression and permanent stress related illnesses and injuries as a caregiver than as a parent.

While some of the physical labor may be similar, emotionally it isn't at all the same. For all the mindless drudgery that can be involved in childcare, there is also a lot of joy to be had from watching a child grow and learn and develop. Watching a loved one deteriorate is not the same at all.

Just another thought - when caring for a child you can count how long you have done so/known them in weeks & months whereas when caring for a senior you can count it in years & decades - this brings so much more emotional baggage -

With an 18 month old kid you look for new steps & milestones then celebrate but with a senior you see the loss of milestones & grieve for the 'good' times when you could carry a conversion about many things [family history, world issues, jokes etc] not the stilted talks about aches & pains - that's for those who can still make sense when they talk -

Today my mom asked me to find a slip to put a boat in a field [possibly as a kid's play house but I'm not sure] - except for the Nanimo bar[if you haven't had one, then google them as they probably are why we Canadians have good senses of humour] I brought her when she did said she loved the chocolate then she made a little sense - when she can't say she loves chocolate then I'll throw in the towel altogether