When a family member who babysits says that taking care of mom who is 99 is no different than her babysitting, what do you say?

There is much written how it is not the same. Google it then provide her some of those articles by well respected elder care experts.

See if that person would trade you places/jobs for just one day. Nothing like feet on the ground.

Ask her to sit with your mom for 4 hours.

Frankly, I would just laugh gently at someone so pitifully stupid.

This is a common comparison from those on the outside, I even heard it from mom's doctor. There ARE a few commonalities, but each has unique challenges and though both are caregiving they are not the same at all. Do you have a good relationship with her, would it be worth the time to try to educate her, or not? If not you can explain until you are blue in the face, but if she wants to belittle your efforts nothing you say will ever matter, she won't want to hear it.

edit - 4 hours Barb? I'm afraid that might only reinforce her beliefs, asking for a weekend while you take a break might get through to her.

She or he is just an idiot.Don't bother to explain waste of time.Who knows carma is b.just watch what will happen to her or him....My brother told me over the telephone that taking care of my mother of 63 years old with dementia is the same as taking care of his children!I said I have to go and put the phone down.

I think the comment was made out of ignorance from someone who has never had to care for an aging parent before. Try to shake it off and realize that this person just can't understand the difference until she's experienced caring for an elderly person. I understand your frustration with the comment but she obviously doesn't know any better.

I have googled it but only found 1 article written about it, maybe I am not searching the right terms. AND yes she has taken care of her blind father-in-law but he was blind and just sat in the corner. He told them to take his money and use it on whatever they needed and also told them to go out and enjoy themselves he would be just fine sitting there. AND they did and he did. However my situation was NOT the same as hers. Mom doesn't give me a penny and God forbid if I go out and leave her even if I have someone come over and sit with her. She had it pretty easy. She had him for 5 years, I have been here with mom 16 and alone. She had her husband to help.

www.agingcare.com/articles/caring-for-parents-versus-caring-for-children-120215.htm

Hm, I've just been dong a little searching and you're right about finding helpful articles. I know I've certainly read a lot of comments about the topic though, both on this forum and many other places caregivers voice their opinions. I view those kinds of comments as fighting words and told mom's doctor so when she voiced them.

Tell her you'll gladly trade for a week and THEN see if she still feels the same way.
I don't know whether to feel sorry for her ignorance and stupidity or be mad as hell that a grown woman can't distinguish the difference.
Obviously she's sorely lacking in the social graces of what to say and when.

Let it go. There's no reasoning with the undereducated.

You could show her these posts. 😄

Well, one example comes to mind, and I know there are many. If a young child tumbles over onto the rug, do we call 911 or go over a pick the child up? Of course, we are able to pick the child up.

If an elder tumbles over onto the rug, chances are we cannot lift up the person by ourselves thus a call to 911. This could happen on a regular basis.

Let's talk diapers-
Child-
Refusal to have diaper changed-pick child up and put on changing table. Clean with wipe, place one diaper under bottom, attach tapes. done. Return child to playpen and give favorite toy.

Demented elder-
Refusal to have diaper changed- pleading by you for 10 minutes, then distraction, finally in bathroom. Won't sit on toilet. Fight ensues to remove diaper. More pleading and explaining. Finally on toilet. Puts hand into poopy diaper before you can roll  it up. Now cleaning hand and using nail brush. Back to elimination-"Why don't you go pee while we're here?" "I don't have to." You clean privates and get a clean diaper. When LO stands up, pee comes down. Aaahhhhh!!!. Sit LO down on toilet again (mumbling under your breath, "I thought you said you didn't have to pee!) Wipe privates again with wipes, apply NEW diaper, assist with standing and tuck shirt into pants-"NOOO, I don't want my shirt tucked into my pants!!!" Pull shirt out with a bit more force than necessary. Turn to assist in washing hands at sink. "NOOOO, the water is too cold." Wait 30 seconds for water to heat up. "NOOO, my rings will fall off." Take rings off and put in a secure place. Pump soap into hands, "NOOO, that's too much soap!!!" Make sure no more poopies under nails, "Aaaahhhhhh that nail brush is KILLING me!!!" Rinse hands, get towel. "NOOO, they're still wet!!"
Dry hands thoroughly. Return LO to sofa and assist in sitting down. Place pillow behind back, then....."I have to go to the bathroom." Explain (why?) that she just went-to no avail.
Go to garage-scream your lungs out-return. Pour 4 ozs. of whatever wine is available because....it's 5 o'clock somewhere!!!!!

That's the difference. 😜

This scenario was taken from an actual caregiving day with my mom.
Kids are sooooo much easier. 👼🏼

Go have said family member go change her diaper and have them get back to you. After my brother watched me change grandma's diaper for the first time, he said it was 10 times worse than changing the diaper on his 2 year old.

Oh Sue....I'm still laughing! Thanks for making me laugh. I also smile everytime I see a post from needtowashhair. Because I LOVE the name lol! Serious subject sure. But laughs are good too!

mhahaha--you are such a fool!

Tell her that you will exchange - she can look after the elderly family member and you will look after the child. Then just wait... After she tries to get the pants on a 160 pound man, or gets the Depends out of the stopped up toilet, or pulls her back out trying to get a grown person up off the driveway, she will be much easier to deal with!

Does it matter? This relative is wrong, wrong, wrong, but so what? Is it really important to correct them? They are ignorant, but how is that a problem for you?

You could nod, say, "there are some similarities." and change the subject. Why do you want to discuss caregiving with someone so uninformed?

SueC, you're hilarious and so right! I agree with others, tho, it's surely best not to argue.

Google baby care vs elder care. There is lots out there.

I've got to say that I get lots of results using those search terms, but very little of it is relevant. Maybe google USA is different?

To SueC1957 - - I didn't mean to laugh, Sue, but I did - - I took care of three dementia-ed family members (Alzheimer's, Alcohol & Drug-induced) over 28 years, and you hit it out of the ballpark !!! No matter which kind - - exactly like that - - and not just doing  lavatory detail, but also in all matters: mealtime, bedtime, outings to the doctor, having company over (guests OR family), having help/assistance in, etc etc !!!!! A little humor never hurts, except that it's not funny !!!!!!!

To SueC1957, Many, many thanks for explaining the reality of elder care sooo well. You are a gifted writer and a gifted care giver. Thank you for helping me thru another day (12 years now) of caring for my bipolar, alcoholic, 84 year old Mom, whom I love very much while causing me more daily frustration than anything else on the planet. Our Moms will probably never appreciate what we've done to help them. Yet, we know we are showing them love at a time they need it most. Bless you....

Tell the babysitter to GFHS. You will feel much better. LOL. Only kidding. You know in your heart what you do is the right thing. God Bess you. It makes us become better human beings.

Ask your family member for a 'job' swap for a week - she'll soon eat her words.

Ask her which one of her "babies" weighs as much as Mom. Just having to lift her from a prone position would show the difference immediately.

And a diaper change vs a depends change - no contest.

Tell her you want to engage her services for a couple of weeks. Drop your loved one off in the a.m. and you spend the day getting your nails done or go shopping and then home for a nap. Then you pick up in the afternoon. Probably won't last long though. Just a guess.

Love your 1st post Sue1957! Definitely not the same, you can pretty much handle a 2 yr old having a fit but a grown man hitting, biting a refusing direction is another thing😕

Have her read SueC1957’s description of a diaper change. That should do it.

cwillie, try child minder or baby minder

But I also agree with Jeannegibbs — why bother? Why does it matter that she doesn’t understand the difference? I liked the suggestions “just say ‘yes, there are some similarities’, then let it go and move on.” What we DO control - what we do, say, think. What we DON’T and never will control - what others do, say, think. Let it go, frustrating as it may be. You have enough challenges without trying to change her point of view.

Children learn and usually obey. But what 80 or 90 year old adult is going to take orders from a 50 year old child that has no experience. " I have done it this way since before you were born." attitude.

Oh and if you do drop the parent off for the day, I would suggest that you not pick them up until after the evening meal. Especially if the LO is hard to please when it comes to food.
Example from my house:she will use the spatula to eat with. She will drink worcestershire sauce straight from the bottle. She will try to eat soup with a fork, even when given a spoon. And the list will go on.

I think the big point here is that we all would love to have a family member or close friend to "be there for us emotionally" to pat us on the back, to encourage us, to just listen to acknowledge how difficult it all is. Needless to say the very opposite seems to be the norm in regards to people and their attitudes and "mouth". I love SueC1957's post, it hilarious. Simply because we've all been there. Humor is an outlet that helps people deal/cope with the huge pain/sorrow/difficulties of a really bad situation. I agree too with Cwillie. Unfortunately you can't fix stupid. From my experience I have learned to just say hey check out this article or website on the subject and promptly knock the dust off you feet and in the future, change the subject, tell them I've got to do AB or C (one excuse is as good as another) and leave or hang up the phone. I'd say 90% of the time people who make statements like that don't care enough to learn any better about any particular subject. Don't waste your time, Empathy is usually very low ability for these types of people and in many cases doesn't register even a tiny blip on the horizon of their minds. Frustrating big time.