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So with the hospital bed brought in I learned the size was twin XL and as we had none in the house, I purchased a couple sets of sheets in that size. Twin sets come with only one pillow case. I bought a set at Target that was white with a tiny coral heart all-over print. A couple weeks back I noticed the pillow case missing. I am the only one doing laundry. We have a laundry room on the lowest level of our split level home, and all of the laundry for mom's needs is staying on that level, not going up to the linen closet. It's possible but very unlikely I wouldn't notice a pillowcase stuck to clothing or other linens coming back upstairs. I didn't say anything but was honestly perplexed and mentioned it seemed missing when the aides changed the bedding a few weeks ago. Wanting things to look nice, I picked up a non-matching stray pillowcase. Then I just happened to notice Target had a set of matching pillowcases on sale for $6, so of course I got them. So we were up to 2 matching cases. Well, as of today, we are down to one again, when officially there should be 3. Note that the aides opted to change the bedding on a day I was not able to be physically present as I usually am because I was doing a zoom meeting. Dad remains oblivious and clueless and doesn't pay attention, is trusting. I have not said anything to anyone as yet, but it does concern me...if they will take a pillow case what else? Plus it reflects in general on their work ethics, morals etc. It's too petty (so it seems) to press this, but at this moment I do not want them back in the house again...yet they are needed for the task at hand which would be very challenging for us to do on our own. Also, as petty as may be, I think a report should be made so that the agency (hospice) can be aware if anyone else reports something similar. Not to mention it makes me crazy! Makes me think I am losing my mind, plus this is not a time I have unlimited time or energy to go shopping although I realize that is my choice....These aides have been treated with kindness and respect and I expected more of this hospice agency. The nurses have been great and I would like to continue with their care.

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What about installing cameras? A picture is worth a thousand words. If you are unhappy or uncomfortable with this particular group, please don’t hesitate to research other organizations. Use a competitor.

I am loyal to those that deserve my loyalty. If I am dissatisfied as a customer, I don’t use the service anymore and I wouldn’t give it a second thought to switching to someone else.

Why don’t you casually ask about the items? Just say something like, ‘I just purchased a bedding set that had a pillowcase included. Somehow, the pillowcase disappeared. So, I bought two extra pillowcases. One is gone from that set. Where could the pillowcases be?’
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I really can't see any potential benefit to stealing a pillowcase.
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Beatty Aug 2021
I saw a cleaner once take a used old vase because it was 'pretty' & 'no-one would miss it'. Dobbed her in. Detest theives. Could've bought similar in the $2 shop.
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A useful test can be to leave a few coins in view somewhere, and see if any disappear.

But I’d make an off- hand remark like ‘I seem to keep losing pillow slips. Have you seen any in the wrong place?’ Pillow slips are an odd thing to steal – they might always be in a stack of sheets or towels.
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gdaughter Aug 2021
As I said, mom is on the same floor as our laundry, and I am the only one doing the laundry and what is for her use is staying on that level...So I have been very attentive to checking all of the piles of gowns, towels, bedding...I know it is an odd thing to take, but it was at least imo cute:-)
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It is odd how certain things always disappear, even if there isn’t anyone else in the house. For instance, socks! Who knows where the H3ll they go, right? Pens, I know that I have walked off with people’s pens! I take a pen out of my purse and it has a company logo on it, which means that I accidentally swiped it. LOL, people like me are the reason that some businesses have their pens tied down to the counter.

Thee could be a simple explanation for the pillowcases being missing. You don’t seem to be happy with your hospice service. You have made a few other comments about them in previous posts, which is why you should discuss it with them. Give them a call. Explain your grievances calmly, without directly accusing anyone of anything, then listen to their response.

I believe that you should always give someone an opportunity to explain, and allow them to apologize if necessary and as long as they square things by making it right, if they are wrong in a matter, then forgive and forget. Why torment yourself with something that is over, if they correct a wrong? Why make them feel awkward in your home if it has been settled?

If you truly aren’t happy, switch to another organization. They aren’t the only game in town.
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gdaughter Aug 2021
Did some preliminary research and as many as there are, none seem to be any better....but I think I can at least request other aides....
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I know, doesn't it just drive you buggy. I can't imagine anyone stealing just a pillow case but not saying they wouldn't. Stacy has this problem and hers is very obvious. Did you check under the bed? Under the mattress?

The only thing, for now, I might say is "I am missing a couple of pillowcases. Could you please keep an eye out for them?" This will put them on notice that you are watching them.
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pamzimmrrt Aug 2021
I was thinking the same thing
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I had a rough pregnancy, extremely high risk, continually in and out of the hospital, I nearly died and at one point I almost lost the baby.

My doctor put me on complete bed rest. I had no choice but to hire a housekeeper. I got up to go to the bathroom and saw our housekeeper stealing from us. I was upset but remained calm. I gave her a chance to explain. It was awkward to see her placing items in her purse. I asked her point blank, “Why are you stealing from me?” She gave me a sob story that didn’t actually make any sense. I told her that I would have given her what she needed if she had only asked me, but now I couldn’t trust her and I asked her to leave my house immediately. I didn’t prosecute. My primary concerns at that time was my unborn child. I didn’t want any additional stress in my life.

By the way, this housekeeper claimed to be a ‘good Christian woman!’ I respect all faiths but I would rather have someone that didn’t practice any particular faith in my home with a strong moral character.

Sometimes things are simply missing. I know that my kids socks went to sock heaven, but some people do steal, even if they are treated very well. I provided lunch for this woman, snacks and drinks. I didn’t ask her to do extra work. Some people have formed a habit of lying and stealing.

I still say that Rosie the robot is a great idea! LOL, The Jetsons was one of my favorite shows when I was a kid. I was fascinated with the idea of a a robot housekeeper. I wanted my own Rosie so I could tell it to do my chores.
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gdaughter Aug 2021
I get it. We have to weigh the stress on us, the care of our loved one vs at least now, a petty theft. Thank goodness most easy to steal valuables etc are upstairs where they have no business and locked up. As for the robot...god would I adore one. Actually I think the Aloft chain of hotels is/was using one to deliver guest things from the front desk or linens etc....
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I would ask them - I would just say “hey I bought dad a few new pillowcase and cannot find them - have you seen them anywhere that I just am overlooking”.
I think I ask my husband this once a week - I’m so tired and I’m like “I know it’s here babe did you see it”.
Also going forward I would look into a camera for your peace of mind.
Trusting people in my home has been one of the hard parts for me - it’s like the one safe place and having to open it to nursing it therapies etc - it’s just not anything that comes easily for me (and I did have a few weird things happen the first year that I saw on camera and made me have an even larger guard up). I know have many cameras - but I have an open floor plan and my entire life is sort of spread around the kitchen/living/office space.

I hate to say that I think like you - if they will take that then what else will they take or do - so I would just ask them. Maybe they were just misplaced by an aide - that you just haven’t found and they show you where they put them.
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gdaughter Aug 2021
Well,you'd make a great defense lawyer:-). As of now, I DID find ONE, but it still means we are missing one. There aren't places for them to misplace them really. Cameras are just too much trouble for the tech inept like me to purchase/set up and it just shouldn't have to be done. But, because of mom's dementia behavior prior, we did put a lock on the laundry room door and so I can keep that locked. Maybe not let them have access and have to ask for fresh linens as needed. I think it's wise for anyone to be on guard. This is rather my line of work,to hire and schedule housecleaners only...and for our clients peace of mind I always advise putting stuff away or locking it up. We do all we can to do background and criminal checks but it never can predict future behavior. So easy for an aide to blame on a person with dementia, family who is stressed...mistaken....etc.
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Gd, you need to get a grip.

I'm very glad you've found the one missing pillowcase. I hope the other turns up soon, too, because it is very frustrating and annoying when you can't find the item you want and can't think where it can have gone, particularly when it's a new purchase you were quietly delighted with.

But two days ago you had instantly and fully decided that the only possible explanation must be malicious theft reflecting on the work ethics and moral values of your hospice aides. Without pausing for breath you convicted the lot of them.

A pillow case? Why in heaven's name would they nick a used pillow case? "That's a nice pillow case, I think I'll have that, they'll never notice..."?

We domiciliary workers a) are law-abiding citizens who do not take other people's belongings and b) are bound by contractual and professional codes of conduct which (in our service, at least) forbid accepting gifts or hospitality of any description from clients.

Theft does occur, it is part of life in society, we all know that - not least because of a very upsetting incident when my co-workers' lottery syndicate kitty was found to be down £50, which was a lot to them (I'm not a member myself, a friend asked me to draft an email explaining to the members what had happened). If such a person would steal from his or her fellow workers, knowing how hard-up many of them are, I doubt if s/he would have any scruples about pocketing clients' loose change; so I reminded my friend that this matter did have to be reported to the managers and police because it was an Adult Safeguarding issue.

But it is *unusual*. it is not just "one of those things." If an item goes missing, first look properly (yes, turn out your upstairs linen cupboard), then ask, then report it.
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NeedHelpWithMom Aug 2021
I have to agree with you! It is frustrating to lose things, but everyone has misplaced items from time to time. Plus, in the the big scheme of life, a missing pillowcase is very minor!

Like other posters have commented, I don’t know why in the world anyone would want a pillowcase to take home. Surely, we all want trustworthy people in our homes but things disappear even without guests or workers in our homes. The pillowcases are somewhere, just like all of our missing socks that get lost! LOL 😆

If we see someone with our own eyes taking something, then it’s a different situation. Otherwise, there is no proof. Or, if things are continually going missing, I could see someone becoming suspicious.

The pillowcases are stuck inside the sheets or went to pillowcase heaven. I suppose that gdaughter could say a prayer to St. Anthony. He is the patron saint of lost articles! LOL Tony has found many things at my request. He knows that I give money to charity to show my gratitude. 😊
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gdaughter,

Things usually show up when we aren’t looking for them. So. relax and it may show up when you least expect it. 😊
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gdaughter Aug 2021
No, no lost or found, because everything is otherwise in my face/found, though I do have the occasional sock go awol...happened more when mom was involved....
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I'm curious, where did that single missing pillowcase turn up?
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NeedHelpWithMom Aug 2021
Pillowcase heaven, along with lots of socks for company! Actually, as of now it’s in limbo.
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Gdaughter, you sound so stressed lately. Given your health history, I think it might be wise to practice a little "Let go, Let God".

End of life caregiving is rarely perfect. If you need to seek out another hospice organization, do so.

Do you ever use meditation apps?
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gdaughter Aug 2021
That's so sweet of you to be so attentive....I didn't realize I was sounding as stressed as I probably am. Agent 104 can generate a lot of stress...and then tells me I never help him with HIS problems! I doubt he'd give a you know what if not for a malfunctioning washer impacting his own ability to have clean clothes....No meditation apps...though I did partake of a nearby yoga class that did some....just not ambitious enough to do it again I guess. Maybe I should look into it again...loved the instructor who took off to open her own place that is too far away. And I did attempt sadly to find some professional help. I continue to wonder how one of these professionals, who KNOWS me and saw me a number of years ago, can sleep at night knowing he turned me away. Sure, he's entitled to make his own boundaries and run his own life as he sees fit, but it was very hurtful to me, and I know I couldn't have done what he did. Ah well, we got through another day, though she would let me file her claws. Think I will go find something to eat and then continue on the research and ordering of the washer/dryer. LAUGH: The therapist I mentioned helped me short term when I had to undergo some terrifying (to me) significant oral surgery. He had me do some relaxation exercises he tape. One of the repeated phrases was "I am becoming calm, and relaxed". I would send myself into giggles when I felt the fear bolt through me and say to myself I am becoming tense and hysterical!" In the end I survived, with the help of another friend and the oral surgeon and I became like family. In fact, for years I would end my workday early on Fridays and go hang out in his office with him and we'd chat between patients. He retired a couple years ago and I think my soul misses our Friday PM chats....when my aorta dissected, he was the only one who came to see me in the hospital aside from a another friend and my sister. (Who btw I am not speaking with at the moment, talk about stress!)
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Idk, gdaughter, it's very likely the stray case is somewhere around the house. Laundry can be a mystery. You think you put an item in and yet, it's not there when you put the laundry away. It's one of those things that is crazy making. I wouldn't jump to thr theft conclusion just yet. Keep an eye out for the laundry gremlins, they ate always hiding socks, small garments, and who knows what else! Give yourself a break, you've got a lot on your plate right now. Hugs
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gdaughter Aug 2021
Yeah, agreed. anyhow, we've got two now....and sad truth is, that it's not likely these sheets will be used much by anyone else as all the beds are double or queen....
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UPDATE: Well, today was one of the days one of two nurses is here to rebandage the heels...and her being here reminded me of how much I DO like the nurses so I really hate to switch agencies....I now am back to having 2 pillow cases (when there should be 3) but thus far didn't call or do anything. And glad I checked before heading out, but learned the laundromat closes at 6 unless I trekked further...and so I am waiting another day. We'll manage. Now just have to figure out what to have for dinner:-)
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NeedHelpWithMom Aug 2021
2 out of 3 isn’t bad, right?

The other one may show up when you aren’t looking for it. I hope that you find it. I am glad that you are happy with your aides now.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. It truly isn’t worth it!
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Gdaughter: see if this helps

https://insighttimer.com/baileyrepp/guided-meditations/short-meditation-for-sleep-golden-light?_branch_match_id=901104597508241830&utm_campaign=app-share&utm_medium=GuidedMeditation
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gdaughter Aug 2021
not now. but thanks.
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gdaughter,

Maybe this pillowcase hunting mission has become sort of a challenge for you! You are bound and determined to find it. Just don’t let it stress you out too much!
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gdaughter Aug 2021
Nah, got plenty of other things to do. It concerns me and I hope it shows up, and I still am not going to be comfortable with the current aides, but if it shows it shows.. I am not expecting to see it. Just the two new ones, and they are accounted for. No time for pillowcase stress...got enough from my father's ignorance and stupidity and now his captioned phone he wants fixed and the washer and the dryer...and oh yes, I still have my REAL job to tend to....
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gdaughter,

I'm going to say this with complete sincerity and with nearly 25 years of in-home caregiving experience (many of my cases were hospice care).

No aides are going to steal the bedding that the patient is pretty much in 24 hours a day.
You misplaced the pillowcase somewhere, somehow when you were doing the laundry. Maybe the pillowcase is on the floor by the dryer or in back of it because you dropped it when taking the wash out. Or it's still in the dryer or washer. There could be many explanations. Maybe one of the nurses stole the pillow case. Blame doesn't always have to be put on the aides first. I was the aide on a homecare case where the nurse was stealing the pain meds for a cancer patient receiving at-home hospice. Luckily, I had a good enough relationship with the family that I was able to go to them and speak up about it. I was on the case before this nurse and before missing meds. They had to put a camera where the drugs were kept and catch her doing it. If I had told my agency without having irrefutable evidence, I'd have been the one getting the blame and fired not her because everyone blames the aides first.
Before you accuse the help (who btw, you really need) take a break and think logically. Could the pillowcases be in with different laundry? Could they have gotten thrown out because they were soiled and washing wouldn't be enough? Is it still in the washer or dryer?
Just step back and think about it. Do you really think the aides are stealing the bedding?
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NeedHelpWithMom Aug 2021
Very true about dropping laundry items. If we drop an item, we certainly don’t hear it when it falls.
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She found at least one pillow case.
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I usually find missing socks inside of slack pant legs, but not until it is time to put on the slacks :P

Missing pillow cases. They have an array of hiding places. As mentioned above, inside corner of a fitted sheet. I've even found one still in the washer or still hanging out in the dryer. Or next to the dryer when it fell before even making it to the washer. Or on the stairs to the laundry room. I am to a point of thinking pinning the pillow cases together before washing.
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