What words do you say to someone near the end of their life?

Sometimes just being there, the warmth of human touch. Your hand to hold, a physical presence, Love and caring does not require a long dialogue. I've experienced such a loss and it was comforting to me to believe that my being by their side. Telling them that I love them even if they might not hear me. My sympathy and condolences as you go through embrace the support of your loved ones who also love her.

I'm sorry for your loss

I don't know if my mom was aware or not during her final days but rather than thinking of her as being unconscious I saw it more as stoned out of her mind on meds (a good thing) and often wavering on the line between partial awareness and sleep. I held mom's hand during the day but I went home to my own bed at night because I do believe that some people would rather have solitude at that time and she needed the opportunity to go when we weren't there.

I love you and will remember you always.

Shuffle, I am sorry for your families loss.

She knew you were there and no doubt was happy.

Please don't feel bad about not staying, many people choose to leave this life when they are alone.

May The Lord give you and your family grieving mercies and comfort during this time.

thanks everyone for your help. Amy passed away on Oct 31/21, on her son's birthday, my husband. She was soon to be 94 this December. Unfortunately we were not able to have a conversation with her. She was placed in hospice and was unconscious at the time of our arrival. She was on a drip of pain meds and never did awaken. This is my first time witnessing a death, I did not know what to expect nor how to approach it. From reading what to say from your posts, it helped us to formulate what we did say to her. Hopefully she heard us.

We stayed at her bedside and we were under the impression she was sleeping soundly from the meds, we did not realize at the time she was unconscious, but found out the next day randomly from one of the caregivers at the home she was in, and no one made that clear to us at our visit. We stayed for 3 hours when we decided to get some rest, we had just driven 8 hours to get to her, and we were exhausted, with intentions on being back first thing 5am. But unfortunately we got a call at 3am when they checked in on her, she had passed. We do not know exactly when she passed, I feel horrible we did not stay with her all night. I really thought she was just sleeping and we did not want to wake/disturb her especially when she was finally finding rest after being in so much pain. I can only hope she knew we were there and had finally decided to let go peacefully.

shuffle: Imho, you do not have to utter many words at all. A simple "I'm/we're here."

I hope that her family will consider enrolling her in hospice care...for her comfort, and for support for all of you.
Google end of life and hospice care and you will find some suggestions. If a particular religion is important to her, then their prayers might be soothing. Just sitting quietly with someone, gently holding their hand or telling family stories that are good memories can be a way to show 'presence'. Good luck to you. It is awkward to be so close to death of a person who you have known for a long time but are not close to.

Very often people need to feel love and hear permission. Tell her you love her and the family love her, and they are all looking after each other, and if she wants to sleep they she should feel she can knowing they are all going to be alright and their love is with her. Best wishes at this difficult time - remember hearing is often the last sense to go, so if you are going to be with her, holding her hand and telling her its OK to sleep, may help you both. Hugsxx

If she is not a Christian share Jesus with her.
If she is a Christian read her encouraging Bible verses about how beautiful her Heavenly home is going to be.
Heaven is real as is Hell. Chose now while you are living because it is too late when you are dead. Joseph- Anthony a son of Jehovah
Believe me I have been with many who were nearing the end of their time in this life. They all knew where they were going.

The nursing home Dr. Job is to make her comfortable (no pain). The Chaplain can give her a choice. If she lets God into her life He will give her relief with his Spirit and give her Peace. God is the sourse of comfort. You can tell her of your love and talk about super memories.

I think I would encourage her to say a few words. Then gently tell her you care about her in every way and not to be afraid. Tell her something nice what you know about her past - tell her she was special to you even if far away. It will just come naturally and sometimes just sitting with them will be peaceful.

Let her do the talking. It is quite hard to know what words may comfort. Let the conversation come from what your mother-in-law says to you. Some folks may want to pray, others may not. Some may just want to hear I love you. Some may be very direct in asking 'am I dying', others may not.

Most important let her know you are with her and you love her. If she was a hugger/toucher, then hold her hand. Even if she wasn't, a pat on the hand may be more welcome now that in her earlier days.

When my Mom was nearing her time I would play her favorite song Wind Beneath My Wings. I would tell her it was okay to go that I would take care of my Dad and he was in good hands. She seemed very comforted by my words. The gates of heaven opened for her on Christmas Day.

When it was my Dad’s time, 11 months later, his last words validated everything I did for him. I told him it was okay to go as my Mom was waiting for him. He thanked me and told me he loved me, something he never said. He told me to go home and rest as he was tired and was going to sleep. He never spoke another word.

My point is every situation is different. Find comforting words or music. Talk about your wonderful memories together. Know that whatever you do, finding peace and comfort for yourself is also very important.

Hold her hand, hug her stroke her head, remember, she has been thru alot with isolation, ect. Show her love with your actions and words.
Just tell her you love her, she will be missed and you'll see her in Heaven.
Tell her she was a great Mother in law and thank her for her wonderful son that you married.
Let her know she lived a good life and it's ok to go to sleep in Jesus and not be in pain anymore and when she wakes up ya'll will all be together again in Heaven.
Pray the Lord's prayer with her.
You might also play a favorite song of hers.

You tell her you love her.

first, I hate the thought that she is in "severe pain" I would hope that that is not the case and that if she is on Hospice that they have been able to manage pain and symptoms. If she is not on Hospice then the facility is not doing what they should be doing to help her.
Talk to her just as you would on any visit.
Tell her what you have been doing, what the kids have been doing.
Read to her if you wish.
Please realize that the visit does not have to be long as a matter of fact if she is at EOL she may be sleeping and you should let her sleep. Before yo uvisit you might want to call the Skilled Nursing Facility and ask when the best time of day is for her. If it is morning make your visit in the morning, if it is late afternoon go then.

You’ll know when you see her. When my dad was close to his death in 2013, he wasn’t able to speak much. However, he asked me about once an hour, “Is he here yet?” He was asking when my brother, who was driving in from another state was arriving. When my brother and wife arrived, Dad appeared so happy. What I’m getting at is that your presence is the most important thing, don’t worry about the right thing to say; you will know.

We had quiet music and a photo frame loaded with family pictures. Dad enjoyed watching those pictures, while we all reminisced. He listened, and he smiled until he couldn’t any longer.

When my mother in law was passing away, we also recalled lots of funny stories as we surrounded herd. She loved to sing. So we sang to her a lot of old songs and hymns.

We were very exhausted physically and emotionally on both occasions; make sure that you both take care of each other during this time.

Tell her you love and appreciate her. Thank her for raising her son to become the man you love.

I watched my uncle pass in hospice as my aunt stood by his bedside. It was a beautiful passing because the final words he heard from a loved one were that he was loved, that he had made a positive difference in this world, that she would miss him but would be okay, and that it was okay for him to leave in peace. It was good for him and my aunt…and me.

It is sad to see and difficult. My dad passed in March. My step mother has very progressed Alzheimer’s and is in a memory care facility. She cannot string words together and make a sentence.
She gets out a couple of words and she doesn’t remember what she wanted to say.

I pray that is how I cope. I would not want to live that way.

I know it’s the natural progression of life.

Stay strong and take care of yourself with good sleep and exercise.

Tell her you love her and thank her for raising your hubby to be such a strong caring man. And you will care for him so she can pass without worry. Bless you both

Shuffle, I had a woman I met through volunteer work and she ended up in hospice.

I didn't know her very well but, I wanted to comfort her. Her family wouldn't visit because she had MRSA and C-Diff. So I just put lotion on her arms and legs and sang songs while doing it. Telling her that she was going to a place where she would no longer be in pain and she would be happy and young again.

The nurses asked me to stay with her because that was the only time she wasn't agitated. She was unconscious but she knew when I was there and it was a comfort for her.

I would remember good times you shared with her, what a great man she raised and touch her lovingly while applying lotion, even if you can only tough her hands or head. Human touch from someone that loves you is comforting.

May The Lord lead guide and direct you during this transition. May your MIL have a peaceful passing.

Mother was an emotional wreck that last evening Dad passed, sobbing and clinging to him with all her might. Nurse told me that he had asked for us two days prior but Mother said no, not yet. We had no idea he was that close to the end!! Oh I wish I could have had one last conversation. It was impossible to say much or even get up close to him but I managed to whisper "You're a good man, you've been a good husband and a good father, and I love you." So to answer your question - that was the best I could come up with - hopefully comforting to him. I don't think he was in pain or didn't seem to be. Whether he heard, who knows...yes it was that noisy. I often wonder, if he had been able, that he would have said something to her...possibly in exasperation. She wouldn't leave the room when the funeral home people came, demanding to know what are they doing, where are they taking him....and on it went.

My grandmother was in agony at the end, begging for us to kill her.

I was very calm.

I said, “It’ll all be over soon. We’re all here for you, and we love you very much. Know that you don’t need to say anything. We know you love us. Just know that if you’ve had enough, it’s okay to go. It’ll all be over soon.”

Everyone else was bawling like she had already died, which made the room chaotic and too emotional. Save your tears for later.

Maybe consider playing some of her favorite music. If she is in a lot of pain, it can help be a welcome distraction.

Be strong. It’s hard, but there’s plenty of time to cry and fall apart afterward.

Is she getting Hospice services? Is her pain pain addressed adequaltely?

This article may be helpful

https://www.aplaceformom.com/caregiver-resources/articles/comfort-the-dying

More than anything else I would express love frequently. You could mention she fought hard but now she may cross over. If she is religious you might mention who she might be reunited with I have heard of situations that a window is opened for her spirit to fly away. I realize that is not always possible

My best to you during this period
I have it ahead of me. I hope everyone feels meaningful and they have made a difference.




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