Follow
Share

We were called today by the caregivers of my 94 year old mother in-law living in a nursing home. She is nearing the end of her life. We will be making the trip tomorrow to see her. What do you say to someone who is reaching the end of their life? She is bedridden, and in severe pain. Our relationship has been from afar, not a close one, not for any reason other than we live too far from each other. I want to say something to comfort her. I just don't know what.

Shuffle, I had a woman I met through volunteer work and she ended up in hospice.

I didn't know her very well but, I wanted to comfort her. Her family wouldn't visit because she had MRSA and C-Diff. So I just put lotion on her arms and legs and sang songs while doing it. Telling her that she was going to a place where she would no longer be in pain and she would be happy and young again.

The nurses asked me to stay with her because that was the only time she wasn't agitated. She was unconscious but she knew when I was there and it was a comfort for her.

I would remember good times you shared with her, what a great man she raised and touch her lovingly while applying lotion, even if you can only tough her hands or head. Human touch from someone that loves you is comforting.

May The Lord lead guide and direct you during this transition. May your MIL have a peaceful passing.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report

When my Mom was nearing her time I would play her favorite song Wind Beneath My Wings. I would tell her it was okay to go that I would take care of my Dad and he was in good hands. She seemed very comforted by my words. The gates of heaven opened for her on Christmas Day.

When it was my Dad’s time, 11 months later, his last words validated everything I did for him. I told him it was okay to go as my Mom was waiting for him. He thanked me and told me he loved me, something he never said. He told me to go home and rest as he was tired and was going to sleep. He never spoke another word.

My point is every situation is different. Find comforting words or music. Talk about your wonderful memories together. Know that whatever you do, finding peace and comfort for yourself is also very important.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to EVANDREWSMOM
Report

My grandmother was in agony at the end, begging for us to kill her.

I was very calm.

I said, “It’ll all be over soon. We’re all here for you, and we love you very much. Know that you don’t need to say anything. We know you love us. Just know that if you’ve had enough, it’s okay to go. It’ll all be over soon.”

Everyone else was bawling like she had already died, which made the room chaotic and too emotional. Save your tears for later.

Maybe consider playing some of her favorite music. If she is in a lot of pain, it can help be a welcome distraction.

Be strong. It’s hard, but there’s plenty of time to cry and fall apart afterward.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Lizbitty
Report
shuffle Oct 21, 2021
thank you for sharing, save the tears for later, makes so much sense. I want her to be peaceful through all this.
(5)
Report
Tell her you love her and thank her for raising your hubby to be such a strong caring man. And you will care for him so she can pass without worry. Bless you both
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Maple3044
Report

Tell her you love and appreciate her. Thank her for raising her son to become the man you love.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Taarna
Report

I watched my uncle pass in hospice as my aunt stood by his bedside. It was a beautiful passing because the final words he heard from a loved one were that he was loved, that he had made a positive difference in this world, that she would miss him but would be okay, and that it was okay for him to leave in peace. It was good for him and my aunt…and me.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Jsaada5757
Report

You’ll know when you see her. When my dad was close to his death in 2013, he wasn’t able to speak much. However, he asked me about once an hour, “Is he here yet?” He was asking when my brother, who was driving in from another state was arriving. When my brother and wife arrived, Dad appeared so happy. What I’m getting at is that your presence is the most important thing, don’t worry about the right thing to say; you will know.

We had quiet music and a photo frame loaded with family pictures. Dad enjoyed watching those pictures, while we all reminisced. He listened, and he smiled until he couldn’t any longer.

When my mother in law was passing away, we also recalled lots of funny stories as we surrounded herd. She loved to sing. So we sang to her a lot of old songs and hymns.

We were very exhausted physically and emotionally on both occasions; make sure that you both take care of each other during this time.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to caroljnorris
Report

You tell her you love her.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to RedVanAnnie
Report

Hold her hand, hug her stroke her head, remember, she has been thru alot with isolation, ect. Show her love with your actions and words.
Just tell her you love her, she will be missed and you'll see her in Heaven.
Tell her she was a great Mother in law and thank her for her wonderful son that you married.
Let her know she lived a good life and it's ok to go to sleep in Jesus and not be in pain anymore and when she wakes up ya'll will all be together again in Heaven.
Pray the Lord's prayer with her.
You might also play a favorite song of hers.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to bevthegreat
Report

I think I would encourage her to say a few words. Then gently tell her you care about her in every way and not to be afraid. Tell her something nice what you know about her past - tell her she was special to you even if far away. It will just come naturally and sometimes just sitting with them will be peaceful.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Riley2166
Report

See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter