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I've been keeping a sort of "incident log" on Mom for the past six months or so. Things like falls, major episodes of confusion, her trying to leave, etc. Recently, I read something that mentioned keeping track of the little things like being confused about the day of the week, etc. Is there a rule of thumb here? What do doctors and LTC look for? For instance, this morning, she walked into my husband's office (thinking it was her bedroom), opened the closet door, and told him she was looking for her hairpins. Besides her going into the wrong room... she hasn't used hairpins in 50 years. Is that something worth noting? I'm just not sure how detailed I should be in my notes.

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Anything that is out of the ordinary I would keep log of. And anything that shows decline since you started the log. That’s what I did
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II need to remember to record when possible! My husband's memory skills are diminishing but still probably early to mid stage dementia. Can't get diagnosed because any appointment I get is 4 months away. He is giving me driving directions as has been his habit but now he misinterpets things. Startling when I turned right on red. Didn't remember that was legal. Forgets which way we're going and tells me to TURN NOW at the wrong places. Very disconcerting when in heavy traffic. His doctor walked in once and my husband said, "You are sure gaining weight!" SMH! These kinds of things happen all day. How do you record?
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Don't let the health issues be your only concern. My husband passed away two weeks ago. He never forgot me or the kids. I can hear him greet me every morning with a "Hi sweetheart" and telling me how much he loves me. I also caught him singing Softly and Tenderly. The words weren't perfect but they are a beautiful blessing to me. Record some precious memories.
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MiaMoor Jul 29, 2025
Pencarl, that is so beautiful.
I'm sorry for your loss and I hope that those lovely memories, whilst bringing pain will also bring you comfort.
Wishing you well.
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Log your feelings. You count for something too in this equation. You feelings about these little incidents could eventually lead to some John Prine type song lyrics.
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Try to get her memories, if you think they are accurate on video. I would give a lot to ask my mom and dad some things, but all of my parents generation are gone and a lot of mine are also. which reminds me, I wonder if my kids or grandchildren are interested in my memories.
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Dementia? Your mother has memory loss and requires 24/7 supervision.
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Isolated incidents are not concerning - we all have them. However a pattern of behaviors, or incidents, ARE concerning. The only way to track a pattern is to start recording the small incidents of irregular behavior to find the pattern. When you see the pattern - maybe wandering at a certain time of day or increased confusion in the evening - then you should talk with the primary care provider.
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You’ll go insane if you try and log d writhing an elderly person does and says
can you imagine someone doing that to you or I?
if you notice your mother forgetful then she’s forgetful
it didn’t have to be micro managed
you may be well organised but it will send even the most organised person over the edge or those around you having to cope with the obsession
if you have reason fir concern just tell doctor
shes getting more forgetful
shes having regular falls I’d like a review of her health and tablets please
Good luck
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mom2mepil Aug 7, 2025
Recording incidents that concern the person who is caregiving is not necessarily an obsession. And it won't "drive the caregiver insane." Sometimes it is extremely therapeutic for the caregiver. It was for me. I certainly didn't write down every single thing my mom was doing, but the most concerning behaviors were noted. I did not share more than the necessary few things with her doctor. I kept the notes for myself so that I could monitor safety issues and keep track of reality vs. Mom's made-up world. Far from driving me insane, it helped me keep my own sanity. Now that Mom is safe in memory care, I no longer need to keep those notes, and I have shredded the journal.
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Stardust: Prayers forthcoming.
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Patathome01 Jul 27, 2025
Yes, prayers do help. Mom requires 24/7 supervision with her dementia/Alzheimer's with it.
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Our neurologist states that with all of the tests the real importance about caring for someone with dementia (in our situation, Alzheimers) is to see how much the disease progression impacts the activities of daily life. These are the key factors in monitoring and deciding how quickly or how much the disease is worsening.

So, perhaps you can use that criteria in deciding what to record or not record. Does her action or non-action indicate an impact on her ability to function on a daily basis. Your log can determine a pattern of remaining constant or declining and in what areas it is declining.

Good luck, I hope this helps.
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I'm not sure why you are recording these things. Hopefully not for you mom because that's the least thing she needs. If it's for the doctor their tests will be adequate to diagnose any problems. My concern is that you are nit picking when you could be spending these final months or years enriching your last time with her.
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MiaMoor Jul 28, 2025
How would making brief notes prevent spending time together?
Note taking can help with noticing a pattern. I wished my stepdad would have done that when caring for my mum because he didn't notice the changes, or when her symptoms were worse. I think that's because he was there all the time and everything seemed to run in together and get jumbled.
For me, visiting once or twice a week (at that time) I could see the changes and recognised when Mum may have had a TIA or an epileptic fit the night before, or when she was dehydrated, and how her different behaviour would fit in with that.
It matters, especially when noticing patterns can help with how you care for a person. Or, as in the OP's situation, it could help with funding for care.
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I have my 88 year old sister-in-law living with us. There have been several times when she was very confused. Asking when her dead husband would come to pick her up, asking where her dead mother was in the house, etc. These episodes have been a result of lack of sleep. When she gets enough sleep all is normal. Check your mom's sleeping patterns and try to make sure she doesn't stay up all night reading or looking at things. Sleeping during the day is also common. If you try to keep them awake, it can result in confusion episodes. As memory deteriorates, it is more common to revisit past life experiences that can still be remembered. That may have caused the hairpin incident. Good luck.
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You don't have to record everything. There is a simple test of drawing a clock and other cognitive questions.
Also have a Neurologist order a brain scan. When my mom fell and she had to go to the ER. The hospital ran a test that showed she was showing early signs of Dementia. My mom started to become delusional. Urinary Tract Infections can also cause delusions too. I made the hospital keep my mom since she could no longer live alone. I eventually had my mom sent to skilled nursing and rehab. My mom had to be placed in a personal care home. There is going to be a time, when unfortunately your mom's health will decline. This is what happens and I am sorry.
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I think that is definitely something to note, as you said she hasn't used hairpins in 50 yrs & didn't notice the difference between her bedroom & the office. Just my unofficial opinion.
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What do doctors look for? You notify her doctor of x,y,z and request cognitive testing either in the doctors office or through referral through a specialist. When the time comes that family cannot handle her anymore and want to place her in MC or LTC (other than a hospitalization where doctors can sign paperwork also). The facility will hand you paperwork or forward it to the doctor's office to sign that she is imcompetent which then the facility will accept her. If there is no POA, health proxy to do this, then it is up to family to call or send a letter to the the doctor's office about your suspicians to place it in her record.
As far as your journaling, you only have to give a couple of suspicians in you contact to the doctor.

Now I do keep a small journal on my husband because he is a patient of a geriatric psych and he has a couple of appointments a year. Again I just verify if behaviors continue or if there is a new level of development
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Why would you keep such a thing? Why would it matter what days your mom is confused?
What I recommend to people who are POA for someone is a daily diary. Aside from the meticulous records keeping of every penny into and out of accounts, which you must keep by law, it is good to have a daily account of such things as appetite changes, weight changes, medication changes, falls, and etc.
Any incident or request made is important of course such as "Added every 2 hour checks to mom's care plan".

What you want is a record you can check back on. Say you are finding your mom has lost her appetite. Then it's important to know if there's a reason, for instance a new pill that is causing appetite suppression, etc.

If Mom is in care I am uncertain why you are so into keeping this running account?
Perhaps you could say more?
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Stardust Jul 21, 2025
These are the things they look for in my state when considering Medicaid and LTC. And yes, among the things recorded are appetite changes, falls, increases in anxiety, episodes of wandering, etc. I didn't think to mention ANY of that in my original post, lol! I get too hyper focused and don't give enough details.
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Keeping notes is a great idea. Thanks for asking this question.
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Stardust Jul 21, 2025
Someone suggested it to me when we were restarting the process of getting Mom qualified for LTC. :)
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Keep the log in a way that you can depend on it to jog your memory when you need to report the incidents. For instance, write: Mom went into H's office, thought it was her bedroom, and told him she was looking for hairpins. When you need to report, you read this first and then tell the doctor (or anyone) that she did this, and you can add that it was in the morning, and usually she's having a second cup of coffee at that time, but on this day she seemed confused, talked to herself for a bit, and then went upstairs. You thought she'd go to her room but she didn't, and husband was surprised that she was looking for hairpins because she hasn't used them for 50 years.

You may, as you read through your entries, realize that there's a pattern going on; her confusion is greater in the morning, and she's sleeping more in the afternoon, and why does doctor think that is?

Just an example of how you can use your notes.
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Stardust Jul 21, 2025
Ok, thank you so much! That helps!
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When my Husband was on Hospice I kept a daily diary/log of things I noticed that might be considered a decline for Hospice.
things like
weight loss, increased sleeping, eating more, eating less, being more confused as to location might be something to note.
It depends on how "independent" mom is.
If she has always (since the diagnosis) kept herself groomed then all of a sudden she stops.
If he was continent of bowel but not now, that is a decline. (common to be urine incontinent but still bowel continent)
Increased agitation. Make note of the time of day. (sundowning)
If mom was dressing herself but now can't, that is a decline
Withdrawing from people and activities. That is a decline.
Talking less, or not at all.
Trouble eating or drinking. Coughing , choking, pocketing food.
Anything that you notice that might be a decline make note of it. It may not mean anything now but in a month it might mean a lot.
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Stardust Jul 21, 2025
Ohh, ok! That makes sense!
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