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My mom was moved to Memory Care from Assisted Living (same private facility) after 3 years in September after declining quickly since March. This coincided with COVID/isolation which I am sure was a huge factor. The memory care is wonderful and I have been so impressed with how they have handled her. She was definitely difficult and had issues (calling the police, trying to escape, etc) before we could get a spot for her. I was able to see her about 5 times from Sept - Nov 8th - just for 30 minutes, but so nice to put eyes on her! The week after my last visit, my mom and 7 residents tested positive for COVID so had to go into isolation. The nurse and NP called me a week ago to say that my mom was getting weaker, they think 50/50 from COVID and her decline. She isn't eating and they thought she has a few weeks. I get daily updates from the nurses and know she is being well taken care of, but I feel so helpless! I can't see her or really talk to her since she doesn't remember how to call and really too weak to answer the phone. She is basically just there. She isn't getting out of bed, totally incontinent, etc. Now she is getting some sores from being in bed, but they are treating them properly as well as all symptoms. I just don't know what to expect from here. I am 2 hours away and trying to go about my life, but so sad. Any advice appreciated!

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Dear Caroline, there isn't much advice I can give you except to mentally prepare for your mom's death. Not eating is one of the final indications that death is near. It's hard to tell how her final days will play out. Some LOs merely quietly die in their sleep, others, like my wife, fall into a coma and pass within 2 weeks. I am pleased to hear that you are very satisfied with your mom's care.

The important thing is to continue to provide mom the high level of care she's getting, and to keep your her comfortable and pain free. Dealing with her second case of COVID and dementia I'm sure is certainly weighing on you. Like I said, there's not much advice I can give but I just wanted to offer my support to you and hope your mom's final days are peaceful.
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So sorry for you. Has to be hard not being there.

My Mom one day just closed her eyes. She responded to people talking to her but would not open her eyes. Then, she wouldn't get out of bed I told them not to force her. She was like this about a week when I got a call she no longer could swallow. I told the Nurse to call in Hospice. My daughter, RN, checked Mom and agreed it was time. She was gone 6 days later.
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Carolinechcs Nov 30, 2020
Thank you! I appreciate the response. haven't talked with them about Hospice since they seem to be able to do all the same things with a geriatric NP there every day. She saw my mom again today, but I will mention this to see. I know they have a PRN morphine already ordered in case it is needed, but not to that point yet. I guess it is just a waiting game for now, but just feel helpless.
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If Hospice is not called in, or is that the plan? Are they expecting her to die from the Covid-19, which would I guess preclude your visiting? You are smack dab in the middle of what all losing loved ones now (1 per minute in our country) are, unable to visit, unable to give comfort, unable to get comfort. I can only be relieved that you are having such quality care. I think you must keep as much contact as you can and do the best you can. I don't think anyone can guide you in what to expect. I am so very sorry. Is Hospice present? Is she being medicated so as to not experience air hunger if she is passing of Covid pneumonia. I am so very sorry.
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Carolinechcs Nov 30, 2020
I'm not sure she needs hospice as they have a geriatric NP and/or geriatrician that come every day as it is a skilled nursing facility as well. The nurses really treat the patients like family. I don't think she is dying of COVID, but it progressed her more quickly. I think it is just a waiting game at this point, but agree that I am very thankful for quality care.
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