What to expect after contacting APS?

Not quickly, probably; not if he won't let them. But you've made a start and you can do no more.

While I'm sure this was hard for you to do, I think it was the right thing to do. They are probably going to condemn the house. It sounds pretty much unlivable and totally unsafe to me.

In your profile, it says he's 62 with dementia, etc. I'm sorry about that. I hate to see people have early onset dementia. It's bad enough when they're older but in their 60s is even sadder.

Instead of being filled with worry with what may happen, comfort yourself in the knowledge that you’ve done your best for your dad. What could happen is him receiving help and being led into a better situation. He’s blessed that you care. Rely on their experience and skills with this type of circumstances

Good question.
Is your father mental competent to decide how he is living? Do you have POA? Do you WANT to have POA knowing full well ALL it entails? If APS suggests temporary emergency guardianship and assessment of Dad whether he agrees to it or NOT, are you on board with that.
I think basically you have seen a danger and you have reported Dad. Now it is one step at a time. Hope you will update as you go. I am sorry you are going through this.

Yes, APS will likely remove him from his home if it's uninhabitable and needs to be condemned. Especially if dad has dementia, as you say, and is incompetent to understand the conditions he's living in are not fit for human habitation. It's very sad to see such a situation for a parent, and you did the right thing by involving APS in this case.

Please choose your favorite soothing device (mine is playing a musical instrument), and let it reduce your nerves to manageable proportions.

What you did was ALL YOU COULD DO.

Tragically, people act as your father has out of the loss of their ability to manage normal life activities, solve problems, and access needed help and services.

Since you raise the point that he is suffering from “Alzheimer’s/dementia” are you assuming this or has he had some formal diagnosis? If no formal diagnosis has been attempted, start the process.

If you have a written statement indicating a diagnosis of progressive cognitive loss, you are absolutely within your rights to seek advice on helping him be cared for.

If you have POA, or someone does, also an affirmation that you are seeking help in his best interests.

If you have neither, and you are able to have him seen by a geriatric psychologist or psychiatrist, request a written statement of his condition, demeanor, and need (if any) for help. If he is seen by a medical specialist now, that person may be available to help you. Using subterfuge to get him tested is really OK if you must.

If he was a caring, responsible, loving participant in your life when you and he were younger, this a wrenching and painful situation, but you must begin to accept the fact that the dad who loved you has been lost, replaced by who he is now.

Will you be contacted by APS after their visit? It may be possible to use their observations to arrange for some diagnostic work, if he hasn’t already had it.

Hoping that the pieces of the puzzle will begin falling into place.

They will probably call for emergency guardianship. No water is a deal breaker and they intervene immediately.

As hard as this is, you did the very best thing that could be done.

You can not live safely in the conditions you describe.

It sounds like dad has lost his executive function and his ability to navigate this old world.

He will probably be mad as a wet hen, let the authorities be the bad guys. You make sounds of understanding and tsk, tsk, tsk, what a shame but, don't tell him you were involved in this. This should allow you to be his advocate and ally while the state intervenes.

Best of luck, this is so hard. You are actually blessed that he has no water, that is the only utility that throws things into immediate action.

Having no running water is a health violation. If the Township shut off his water, they should have at least called the health department. You cannot live in a house without water. If APS does nothing about it call the Health Dept.

I also suggest since Dad is so hard to deal with that you allow APS to take control, in other words, let the State take over guardianship. They can get him placed a lot easier than you will. Do not let them tell you there is help, there isn't. Not what you will need. And it does not happen overnight. The only thing, you will have no say invwhere he is placed or how he is cared for.

Update us on what happens.

Someone called APS on my dad back in 2018. They told me to get guardianship, which I did. But that doesn't mean I was able to do more. Yes, I had the legal authority but that didn't really mean anything. He still wouldn't do what I wanted. We couldn't get him out of the house. You can't pick up and move him like you can a 2 year old. It was a really, really bad time. I'm sure people remember me here from those days. We did enlist the help of a geriatric psychiatrist who got him started on medication which helped a lot and he continues to take to this day. My guardianship attorney told me we would probably have to wait until 'something happens' to get him out of his house - something that would require a hospital visit which it did in 2019. He was not allowed to return home after being in the hospital. I had already had a short list of AL facilities picked out so we moved him right in. Fast forward to 2022, he lives peacefully in memory care now, a MUCH calmer version of himself from all those years ago, getting ready to celebrate his 96th birthday next month.

They really should but unfortunately when dealing with APS not a whole lot happens . I hope they help but you may need to get a court appointed guardian if he isn’t listening to you .

My Dad was well most of the year after a stroke - his dementia seems to be worsening - he can’t remember anything and has become belligerent , nasty , temper tantrums and is into tearing things apart . I have done everything the past 8 years and am frazzled . Nueropshycologist , doctors appointments, social workers , support groups . He seems to cycle last June all he did was masterbate . His checks are being returned and he insists on keeping his car that he never drives . He can’t really walk either and we have had a ton of physical therapy . He screams he yells - I am worried about my own sanity . My PTSD has kicked in and I like I am having a nervous breakdown . We see the Doctor Wednesday . The social worker came to the house and said to him “ it might be time for assisted living .” APS came a couple weeks ago - he is just nasty 🤢 all the time and is into breaking things . I can no longer babysit 24/7 and entertain him. Even with caretakers coming in he will be abusive to them . Has anyone else experienced this while the dementia worsens ? Thanks I am worn out he has aged me about 100 years and made me feel very old .

W/o going into personal details, I had an experience with them and am still resolving it. It occurred when a first responder made conclusions, some of which were faulty, but were reported anyway.

It probably varies by area, but the rep was very assumptive, making decisions which I challenged b/c they clearly weren't appropriate (NO ONE chooses medical pros on my behalf!). She did back off.

But be on your guard and HELP guide them to making the right decisions. Giving them full rein is unwise.

I do think though that you took the right action in getting help for your father. I think the issue with the APS I experienced lies more with the particular agency, its staff and inability to relate to anyone above 30 or so.

APS can get him placed and they can (so can you) request a psych eval on a 72 hour hold.

Have you tried yoga and/or meditation? They are great stress reducers.

I hate to tell you guys this, but having city/county water turned off is not against the law and does not mean you need to move out of the house. Having no available water is a problem but if you have a cistern or a water barrel to collect rain or a well you are good to go.

We had an older man in our area that decided after his wife died to live as he did as a child: no electricity or public water. He went back to oil lamps, wood burning stove and the well with a garden and compost pile that his neighbors objected to. They tried everything they could think of, including repeated calls to APS, to get him out of his house but it was a no go. He knew what he was doing and just because you wouldn't want to live that way anymore (except for a week vacation camping in a national forest) doesn't make it illegal or him crazy (legally).

Please remember approximately 30-35% of elders will develop dementia; that means 65-70% do NOT develop dementia. Making what you consider "bad" decisions is not considered a sign of dementia.

PS: sometimes I think too many of you haven't had the experience of a large extended family and all the characters you get to know when you do. Or the neighbors to march to their own drum. In 1998 my 82 year old neighbor was living in a house that had a 40amp service - just enough for lights, a few outlets, an electric stove, and the controls for her oil heating stove. She had a water line to her kitchen sink and a ringer washer with an outlet pipe that ran out to a buried 55 gallon drum. There was an outhouse behind the house. When her SIL supposedly took her to buy groceries and in fact delivered her to a nursing home, I helped her niece get her out and back in her home where she lived just fine for a couple more years. When I was young and she was a widow in her 60s, my job everytime it snowed or she was ill was to clear her walk, bring in the paper & mail, pump and carry drinking water in (she preferred to drink well water), take ashes out and firewood in, and empty her slop jars in the outhouse. She was uneducated, having quit school in the 3rd grade to help care for her sick mother and younger children. She was also one of the smartest women I would ever know, excelling in every home making task from elaborate croquet designs to gardening. You need to know a few people with a different life (and different opportunities) and respect their life choices instead of condemning them for not making the same choices you have.

Just the aspect of having no running water would be flagged by the health department.

My experiences with APS were not great. A call about a hoarded home and disgusting living conditions were met with little attention. They did go to the home, did NOT go inside and made a very haphazard report. Nothing was made better and the home remains a hot mess. I don't know how much worse it could have become, but APS must have really low standards!! CPS was also called at the time, by a different person and they basically did the same thing.

Perhaps it's enough that there's adequate food in the house and nobody has a black eye. Nothing was ever done through either APS nor CPS. (And I am talking litter boxes in the kitchen, overflowing with cat poop and 2 enormous dogs using the whole place as their private toilet. The oldest kid involved was literally sleeping on piles of dirty laundry--he had no bed. House was hoarded to within an inch of it's capacity and also the garage and sheds.

This was noted by CPS and NOTHING was ever done. No FU, no nothing.

I totally lost faith in the system over this. I guess my expectations were a little higher than their standards.

Oh, and the water and power are routinely turned off for lack of payment. Even that didn't flag this family. If young kids were not living in this, I would not have called. Have low expectations and you won't be disappointed if they 'pass' as being "ok" for human dwelling.

I have zero problem with someone who is simply living somewhat off the grid. I DO have an issue when a house is so filthy and infested with feces, roaches and simply filth. No kid should sit down for meal 3 feet from a completely full litter box.

If my 'friend' had chosen to live this way ALONE, I probably would never have called on her. But she has custody of 3 grandkids and they are practically feral. Sleeping on the piles of dirty laundry? Rat & mouse infestation? No clean surfaces? No, I cannot in good conscience look away from that.

Calling APS and CPS was a waste of time. Unbelievably, one SW told me she'd 'seen worse'.

MidKid raises an interesting issue, and facts. I've been surprised to read that APS has been called to situations which clearly need intervention, yet hasn't "stepped up to the plate", become involved, and created positive resolutions.

While I'm not keeping a running total of APS involvemens, generally it seems that there may be a basic issue with APS' approach, i.e., take the easy way out and let the challenging situations just fester.

Given that so many of these threads and posts here have been Google searchable, I won't go into detail, as I do think that regardless of T & C, these are very private situations and shouldn't be shared on a broad platform such as Google provides.

However, suffice it to say that the mandates given me were laughable. I've done some research on what the statutory mandates might be, but thus far haven't found any that actually address what I thought was APS' mandate. Something else I plan to research when I get the time are the actual funds allocated to APS, how they're determined, what the basis of accepted activity is, and more statutory issues.

I'm also interested in how APS workers are screened, evaluated, and chosen, as well as what performances "meet standards", a major qualifier in my experience for people working with the benefit of public funds.

APS and CPS operates differently in different states, often differently in diffetent cities and counties.

People have a "right" to choose a different level of "housekeeping" as long as it does not create a hazard to others - within the household or outside the household. What many call hoarding activity does not impair safety because the person leaves enough space between their piles of stuff to move. IF it catches fire it provides more fuel, but so do the drapes, couches, chairs, etc most of us have in our homes. How much is enough? How much is too much?

In my area of East TN, the main criteria that both CPS and APS act on is feces or drug paraphernalia distributed throughout the home - clearly unhealthy and dangerous to anyone living in the space. Meth manufacture has recently been added to this list.

Often the general public does not know the actions or investigative results of APS/CPS due to privacy concerns. How would you like to be the child where everyone knows you were removed from your home because you were sleeping on a pile of dirty clothes? Or in a room of used needles?

Removing a child from the custody of their care giver, even when that care giver is sometimes neglectful, will have a life altering impact on the child. They are pulled out by the roots from everything they know and any level of security they have had to meet a world of strangers (hopefully kind) and strange rules. Stats say 1 in 4 will be abused in their new homes.

I unfortunately know some of these kids. My nephew has taken 3 kids from the extended family into his home. He and his wife knew the kids before they came to live with them but they still face challenges. I recently took in a 15 year old who has known much more neglect and some abuse. I believe I will be able to make a difference in his life, but I also acknowledge he will never esacpe some of the damages done.

In TN we have recently started a group to assist grandparents who are raising their grandchildren or great-grandchildten. Some extra money and some extra services, like housekeeping help to try to hold the home together when someone with limited energy in their 70s and even 80s is trying to care for young children. Maybe, in SOME cases, we need to clean the house and wash some clothes instead of removing the children.

With a diagnosis of dementia he is unable to care for himself in a safe manner.
APS will most likely look for someone that will be willing to become his Guardian.
If no family members wishes to take this on the Court will appoint a Guardian. Your father will become a Ward of the State, the Guardian will make decisions for his health as well as financial decisions.
If you were to take the responsibility you would be able to place him in Memory Care where he would get the care he needs and he would be safe. You would be responsible for managing his assets, that could mean selling off property. Proceeds would then be used to pay for his care.
If he is a Veteran the VA might be of help. Contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission.

I was worried, too, about what APS would/could do. Called them last week and have had one conversation with investigator (after the initial call). She has another meeting with Mom, she said, so I feel good about that.

I know I responded to this question some time ago--and maybe weighing in on it again is redundant--

BUT--the situation of which I wrote has just gotten worse, and one of the kids is now in state custody for the summer, at least, and possibly for up to a year for theft, vandalism and all sorts of stuff. He is now 14 and the laws changed a lot for kids over 14. His gma does the best she can, I guess, but she would just as soon this kid be taken and put into the system. She's 73 and trying to raise 3 kids. I do feel for her.

It was NOT CPS that finally caught up to him. It was a group of neighbors who were sick and tired of his antics. They called the police and held the kid literally in their 'custody' while they waited for them to show. Kid was so stupid he punched one of the policemen in the face. That was the end of 'Officer Nice Guy'.

I KNOW that had CPS stepped in 2 years ago and begun HELPING this woman, this would probably not have escalated so badly. I do not have any association with the gma as we have moved and I had to leave her behind, mentally and physically, for my own health.

So far, in my experience, CPS and APS either have very low standards for 'care' or they are seriously overworked. IDK. I just know that my personal feelings about them are that they make nominal house calls and don't follow up. This kids was thieving 2 years ago when the first calls were made. NOTHING happened to him, so he felt impervious!

APS (which could have served the grandma) were just as negligent. How can you see a full litter box spread all over the kitchen floor, and not SAY something? How can you see absolute filth and not DO something?

Things will not end well for this 'family'.