My only son is taking me to court stating that it took too much of his time to care for me (total lie) and has filed a petition in the court to appoint a Guardian for me (which I do not need whatsoever per all my doctors.) He got his Therapist to believe that it was taking him 40 to 60 hours a month to care for me, take me everywhere, shipping, doctor appts, pick up meds (they are delivered free) (more like 4 to 6 hours MAX) to the point that he was slipping at his job, could not cope, had a full nervous breakdown and when I just asked him one favor to find a Therapist that deals in Pain Management (I have Diffuse Osteoarthritis ), the Therapist (who I never met) told me that I was the worst Father she had ever met (my son was there), and how could I push him to this level of mental anguish, and all the things that only my son could have known about me). My son left, and then the Therapist Bullied me for over 30 minutes solid, and I did not say a word during the entire encounter, and since Nov 7 of last year he has blocked my phone calls, has put my email going directly into his spam folder. We had a great weekend together going out for dinner, then to a movie and he looked acted and spoke perfectly fine, and 3 days later he is a full blown nut case, per his Therapist, has not worked for weeks before the weekend. I have no idea if this is true since I have been cut off. During our outing he was telling me how well his place was doing financially, he was getting a raise...Yadda, Yadda, Yadda, and what gauls me the most that all of this is a pure lie, and what he has accused me of in the Guardianship I cannot dispute, because it is one person's word against the others, even though I used share a ride transportation for 99% of my all my appointments and going anywhere I wanted.
The attorney appointed for me by the court system is really sharp, but says he has seen many people fake nervous breakdowns, and as long as they keep up the ruse, it is almost impossible for me to push back the Guardianship. If I get a Guardian, I will loose about 90% of my constitutional rights, and I cannot even make a doctor's appointment without the approval of the guardian. This is a nightmare come true, since I did 150% more for him than any father would do for their child, since he was so appreciative, and took everything I gave to him, even money from me when I was just on SSDI checks. I bought his 1st condo, paid half for his 1st new car, and there is not enough room here for all the things I did for him out of pure love, and he has not even called me once, and the disease I have has no cure, and the only meds to push back the pain (not the spreading of the disease) are narcotics, and my primary Pain MD. has already told me that he cannot believe how well I am doing, considering the spread of the disease. This is a nice person (whom I thought) who has turned suddenly evil, and I need opinions from anyone who has anything to help me with.
I can't sleep, eat, or anything, since I am in the middle of a nightmare, and the court case will be in mid March. PERIOD, since my attorney already got a postponement. November 7th was the last day I saw or heard from him, and the petition is signed and dated and filed in the court on November 18...WOW
Thanks to anyone who replies.......Stanny
I know nothing about such things, so that's why I'm asking.
I'm really sorry you are facing such a terrible situation. Sometimes, it seems the family members we love most are the ones who cause us the most grief. I am 62 with osteo-arthritis myself, so I know what chronic pain feels like. It's no joke. And the thought of my son or daughter trying to appoint a 'guardian' for me sounds truly unimaginable.
I am sending you a hug and a prayer that this all works out in your favor, my friend. Best of luck Stanny.
A solution would be to discontinue contact with your son, and have all your caregiving needs met by a paid professional. Last time I checked, it is not a crime to need opiate meds for your illness.
Then obtain letters of your competence in writing, to the court. (3) letters.
Pay the doctors, (not covered by your insurance for a court case.)
Barring anything you have done that is a criminal act, if against your son, or requiring him to obtain your meds illegally, I cannot understand the legal connection between his nervous breakdown, and your incompetence to care for yourself, needing a guardian. Whatever happens, make sure he does not become your guardian.
Is there more to the story, so that others can help you?
Get your own paid attorney. imo. This is a serious crossroads for you at a young age.
I have never been arrested in my life, not even a speeding ticket. We both went on a one week vacation last year in Orlando, and my son told me it was one of the best vacations that he has ever taken...and then he does a 180 on his father a year later, and my attorney is very good...he is telling mke to get tested for dementia, brain tumors. infectious diseases, so beside the Osteoarthritis, I am clean, and have nothing else going on. You cannot get that many appointments in this short amount of time.
Again this is a pure Nightmare that just came out of the blue, and this entire time I have not heard from him, and it is I who have a non-curable disease which is slowly taking over my body. I have lost 4 inches in height do to cartilage loss, and this disease moves wherever it wants, and cannot be stopped, or even pushed back.
Thank for your words. They are comforting.
Get together all your medical reports, but if you don't have copies of any yet, ask your doctors to provide you with medical reports to be used in court to fight a guardianship.
I'm not clear on the confrontation with the therapist. You wrote, in part:
"... the Therapist (who I never meet) told me that I was the worst Father she had ever met (my son was there), and how could I push him to this level of mental anguish, ...My son left, and then the Therapist Bullied me for over 30 minutes solid, and I did not say a word during the entire encounter."
Was this during a phone call? Why in the world didn't you stand up to her or just hang up on her? You had no duty to listen to her. This is not criticism, but it infers passivity, which I hope you can overcome as it appears as though you son is taking advantage of your good nature.
If I understand correctly, the therapist is a protagonist in this effort. If so, I think you have a complaint against her. Therapists should not be involved in this way, nor should they be accusative. I'm struggling to comprehend why and what motivation a therapist would have for being so rude to you.
I've worked with a lot of them, some of whom were terrible (and were fired), but I documented. Are you doing so, i.e., did you document this conversation? Has she contacted you (or vice versa) since then?
Notwithstanding that, her accusations apparently are based entirely on hearsay. If she plans to testify, make sure your attorney is aware that she doesn't have first hand knowledge. And if I'm correct, has never met you. She's not qualified to make an assessment based on the existing conditions, especially based on hearsay from your son.
Is your son bi-polar? Has he ever had mental treatment, or been this nasty to you in the past? I think you may have to get used to the concept that he won't be a positive aspect in your life, and plan to move forward without him.
Your attorney sounds like a good person; does he have any observations on your son's behavior?
Thank for your kind words, but it is his word and his doctors and Therapists against me. When my Attorney spoke with me face to face, he looked at me at the end of our conversation and told me that I was not anything like what what listed in the Court order. He said it's like the wrong person got the order for Guardianship.
I have already spoken to two of my Doctors, and they have given me letters of recommendation and totally denounced what the read in the court Document, that my son was never with me, or even in the waiting area for the 4 years I went to him. They all know I use a County Provided share a ride program all the time, and neither can understand this, except for that people suddenly turn evil for no reason, and other people pay the price.
Not knowing an outcome is certainly unnerving. It doesn’t sound like the attorney gave you much hope which is enough to drive you crazy.
I don’t know how you can fight this other than to spell everything out completely and provide as much proof as you can to back up your position to the attorney and hope they will be able to figure this out. Don’t give up!
Give permission to your doctor to release your medical records to the court to show exactly what care has been needed to prove that what he is stating is an exaggeration.
How can a therapist come to these conclusions without even knowing who you are or having all the facts?
The fact that you weren’t able to defend yourself is terribly upsetting. If you ask me I think your son’s therapist needs a therapist. The therapist’s behavior was certainly unprofessional.
I realize this was a shock for you and you were caught off guard so it isn’t easy to speak up at a time like that because you were so taken aback by it all. If your son doesn’t have some sort of mental condition that explains his behavior then he is quite devious.
You were very generous to him and he isn’t showing appreciation which is bad enough but to bite the hand that fed you by involving the court to remove your rights is despicable.
Your son should be thankful for the help he has received from you. He must have really laid it on thick to have convinced the therapist to read you the riot act like that.
I surely hope things work out in your favor and I hope things get better for you. If things work out well and I sincerely hope that they do, I don’t think that I could trust my son again for any amount of care.
Look into someone else doing whatever things you need taken care of. He has clearly shown you that he isn’t interested in being responsible for helping you by his selfish actions. He is not looking out for your well being.
If he didn’t want to do whatever you ask of him he could have easily have told you rather than fabricate stories to a therapist and pursue guardianship.
You must be scared, upset and confused as to why he is taking such strong actions that are so hurtful and quite serious.
All parents and children have disagreements but only in extreme cases should a court become involved and only for legitimate reasons.
I realize that you helped him because you love him. He’s your son but he isn’t acting like a son. He has taken this too far.
Is he going through personal situations and taking out his frustrations on you? If he is that is terribly sad.
You deserve an apology from your son and his therapist that has put you through hell. Again, I am so sorry that you are experiencing this horrible nightmare.
Sending a million hugs your way.
I don't know whether you can afford it or whether this would even work, since your son has already filed the petition, but it might be worth a shot to circumvent this problem.
... and I'm so sorry you have to endure this.
It should be difficult. Your lawyer's statements don't make sense to me (or there's something more to this situation).
The therapist is terribly unprofessional as well. I can’t imagine a therapist telling someone off. Therapist are supposed to be safe company. I have never been told off by of my therapist. I can’t imagine him telling anyone off.
Some therapists are a little nutty themselves (Can I say that?), and are working out their own issues through their patients.
I hope you will try to find an elder law attorney who can at least offer you a second opinion.
I am not a lawyer.
It occurs to me why you would need to be tested at all for anything at this point, because you have doctors who know you willing to write letters confirming your competency. Already.
You won't be at your best, this is a very upsetting issue. Seeing a doctor to diagnose whether you have dementia or not can be ordered by the court if there is any doubt. Please note: Having dementia at any stage; having a medical condition. having a mental illness, or a drug dependency DOES NOT render a person automatically incompetent. It just doesn't. So why would you want to do their work for them by being so examined? Can you wait until there is a need for that? Surprised your attorney would request it. You don't have to prove your competence, they have to prove your incompetence.
I am smelling a rat here. What does your son have to gain having you declared incompetent? Are you sure the "therapist" is a bonafide, licensed professional?
Are they committing some kind of a scam against you? Does your son also have a personal relationship with this supposed "therapist"?
Have you appeared in court, been served legal papers, with a court case that can be confirmed with the court clerk? It all seems so strange to me.
What exactly does your son's "nervous breakdown" look like?
You were on SSDI when you gave your son all this?
"took everything I gave to him, even money from me when I was just on SSDI checks. I bought his 1st condo, paid half for his 1st new car...".
Do you own your home, and son wants this asset?
No one needs to have a guardian appointed unless they are incompetent. (And Declared so by a psychiatrist.)
Taz, it sounds to me like your son is feeling overwhelmed with helping you. Why not let him go, to take care of his own issues ? Then you get the help you need from others. Ie the rides, errands, etc. Can you arrange your own services ?
No one will force a guardian on an independent person .
Maybe you did too much for your son.
I am living a true nightmare, and my son has turned EVIL, AND NO-ONE WILL CHANGE MY MIND FOR ME.
Thank you all with all your opinions and prayers, but there are loopholes...look at the clown most of us voted to be our pres, and now try to get rid of him. Lotsa Luck....it could take forever, and the country goes down the hill. We are already rated as #15 in the world to live in. We used to be in the top 3....what happened. Someone who knew how to file bankruptcy using other peoples money, made the right friends in the right places, did favors that non of us would do.
It’s sad but there are cases where children are hateful towards their parents. Just like some parents are hateful towards their offspring.
This man doesn’t even live with his son. He is mostly independent. Sounds like the son may have some issues and going after dad, possibly because he has an ulterior motive.
His son obviously hasn’t paid for his condo on his own. He had help from his dad. He didn’t pay for his car on his own, again help from daddy. So, maybe the son has racked up debt and wants his dad’s house. Who knows? Or control over his check. It’s puzzling, for sure.
I am leaning towards what JoAnn said, perhaps his dad did so much for him that he is a bit spoiled or lazy and never learned to achieve things for himself or have the patience to wait and buy things when he can afford it.
Is the lawyer the court appointed your guardian at litum for the guardianship hearing? Is this lawyer the one asking you to have all these additional tests after you already have competence statements from your established doctors?
If the court appointed attorney is the guardian at litum, he should be investigating any claims made in the guardianship petition to confirm or dispute them. Laws differ from state to state but in TN he would have the ability to access all your health and financial records. In TN the opinion of your doctors has more weight than any thing else so make sure you have your recent medical reports available to present to the court as well as statements of competency. See a second doctor for an additional evaluation and statement. I would not have any additional medical tests requested by the court appointed lawyer if your own doctors have already provided competency statements.
There may be a possible conflict of interest with the guardian at litum, as he may stand in line to become your guardian, particularly if you have funds he can use to pay himself for his time. Please engage your own personal attorney certified in elder law to make sure you have a vigorous defense and all your rights are properly protected; talk with the independent attorney you engage before you consent to any additional testing.
Can you get a log of your trips with the transportation service?
Start thinking about who you would like to see as your DPOA and HCPOA so you can have your attorney prepare those documents as soon as the guardianship petition is dismissed. If the court decides to grant a guardianship, your named preference would have a great deal of weight, particularly since you and your son have relationship problems. There are some law and geriatric case management firms with case managers and SWs who can serve as guardians or POAs as needed. You may be better off with an independent firm named as your POA or guardian than your son at this point. A cousin, friend or clergy a few years younger might be a good choice too.
As for the medications, laws on prescribing have been tightened, but that if for you and your doctors. I don't understand how your son would have any involvement here.
He was absolutely the same person I had known since birth that weekend, so this is all a ruse. He is Gay, and has a lot of trouble meeting what he calls 'Good Gay Men' to form friendships. I am straight, and have fully accepted his being Gay. He is having some other problems and versus coming up with the truth, he is stating that all the time he has to spend with me because of my incurable disease. Last year, I had over 100 Doctors appointments and xrays, and tests, Dental Work, ...etc, and he drove me to maybe 7 of them, and never asked after what happened. I have my food delivered by Walmart Groceries weekly, and also get 5 frozen dinners a week free since I have QMB status. I use the county Share a Ride program for everywhere I need to go,. I have an Aide that comes in 5 hours a weeks to do a light cleaning and laundry. His Therapist told me of his breakdown on Nov. 7th, and the Civil action Court Papers to have me declared as I cannot take care of myself, and need a Guardian, which I will lose about at least 10 of my Constitutional rights, live the ability to move and live where I want, I don't drive, but they don't want me to have a Drivers license, even though I gave my car to Charity in 2005, and do not own anything to drive, except my 4 wheel Rollator with a seat to sit when the pain gets really bad, I spent my entire life, since he was my only child putting him on a pedestal, and he did get straight 'A's in high school, College, and in his Masters Program, but does not have a lick of street smarts. When we did shop together a year ago, he asked me why they priced something 10 for a 10 dollars, and why did he have to buy ten to get the sale price. I just looked at him like he was from another world.
I looked up 'Nervous breakdown online, and it is one of the easiest things to fake, if you are good at it. Diffuse Osteoarthritis is real, and I have the MRI's, x-rays. and loss of 4 inches in height to prove it. I have never ever blamed anyone for my condition. It is simply a change in the DNA at a certain age, because I could work like a bull, and had no back pain, but when I was a High Pain Consultant, I lost my legs 2x and feel in front of the Client in 2001 for millions and billions of Dollars of Contracts, and went on a 1.5 year short term disability, and was misdiagnosed until 2006, and declared bankruptcy in 2007. My Credit rating now is in the 770's, and this is all after all I had to live on was the disability checks.
I am now in a Nightmare, and this is worse than the pain from my disease, with Opiates, is 24/7.
Thank you for your kind fworks and just replying, and that is too all in this group.
a Son who should adore His Father and not terrorise, but one day He will get his comeuppance. I have seen how cruel Osteoarthritis is, and We see it every day how tough this is.
I know ‘only children’ who aren’t spoiled at all. It depends on how they are raised. The same with kids in a big family.
Kids can be raised the same and one strays off in a different direction or in my case my mom babied my brothers and did not baby me at all as the girl. She did me a favor because I learned to care for myself.
"the Therapist (who I never met) told me that I was the worst Father she had ever met" So the therapist told you this or allegedly told your son this?
"My son left, and then the Therapist Bullied me for over 30 minutes solid" Why on earth would you stay when a "therapist" was behaving unprofessionally?
"and 3 days later he is a full blown nut case, per his Therapist" Therapists don't use the term "nut case".
"The attorney appointed for me by the court system is really sharp, but says he has seen many people fake nervous breakdowns, and as long as they keep up the ruse, it is almost impossible for me to push back the Guardianship." So you're saying your court appointed attorney told you that someone whose in the middle of having a nervous breakdown is going to be appointed your guardian? Highly doubtable.
Can you start making phone calls to get the doctors to mail information to you? Can your attorney get the information for you?
Where did your attorney come from? How did he get involved?
I smell a rat and maybe a scam by your son. You may want to contact Adult Protective Services. Something here is just not right.