My papa will be 82 this year and he doesn't act his age. He still thinks he's a young man, which is nice when it comes to some things, but not with others. Either way he's a stubborn old man, but I love him anyway.
What's concerning me is for the past year now he has been having what seems to be ulcer flare up's off and on. The first one was at the end of February 2018. It took him about a month or two to get over it and get back to his normal self. I wasn't as worried about it because he could still eat and drink while keeping it down, even though it would hurt him. He didn't go to the doctor or to the hospital because he's stubborn and doesn't want to go. So I'm not sure if it's an ulcer at this point or not.
Now I'm getting more worried. He got sick last night after dinner and threw up most of the night. He couldn't lay down because he says it hurts. Today (1/9/19) he's been throwing up anything drinks (even water) and he won't try eating anything. So I would think his stomach is empty, but he told me the he had been throwing up what looks to be coffee grounds, which I looked up and google said it was coagulated blood. Scary. He still can't lay down and if he does drink anything he says it burns, plus he's pretty pale.
I haven't talked to him about going to the doctor or the hospital because I know he'll say no and will just yell and scream making things worse. I can't call the ambulance because I know he will say no and they won't take him because he seems to be in his right mind. I really don't have any idea what to do.
I don't know if this is really a question or not, but I've tried everything and he still won't go to the doctor. I'm worried at this point things will take a turn for the worst and I won't know what to do.
He is bleeding internally
You want to cover yourself so as not to be charged with neglect
Call 911 now.
Observe the vomiting, maybe get a sample.
You will be calling 911.
Let him yell.
Only you know how this will go: but you've tried telling him how worried you are and pleading with him and it hasn't worked. How about if you tell him he's being an idiot, and if he really doesn't want doctors meddling then he needs to get this sorted before he's so ill that he won't have any choice? Having a death wish when you have an incurable degenerative disease is one thing; but dying needlessly because you won't accept straightforward treatment for a specific condition is just daft.
Meanwhile, you are absolutely right to respect his autonomy, and you can't force him to accept medical attention. But there is nothing to stop you from seeking medical advice, and I think you should. With any luck, you'll encounter a doctor who'll speak to your grandfather over the phone and talk him round.
Do you think he's afraid of what they might find? If so, it is important to reassure him that no matter what it is you will strongly support his right to make decisions about treatment - but to do that intelligently he needs to know what he's dealing with.
Your are the adult who was with him when he was vomiting coagulated blood. The coroner asked why the heck didn't you get him medical attention by calling 911, at the least. " Oh, he wouldn't let me", you say.
Do you think that's going to sound like a reasonable thing? Do you stand to inherit from him? You could be opening yourself up to A LOT of grief.
Please, PLEASE call 911 and let it be documented that he refused medical care. Those EMTs can be very persuasive.
Now for the past few days he’s been doing ok. He stopped throwing up and has been eating off and on. We didn’t go to the doctor/hospital because no matter what I did he still wouldn’t have it. I’ve just been waiting and watchin him constantly to make sure he’s doing better.
Tonight (1/13/19) he’s have stomach problems again. He’s not throwing up and he can keep his water down which I see as a good sign. He just hasn’t ate much because he says his stomach hurts. He’s had a lot of water and some popcicles and keeping them down. I’m sitting up with him right now, as I write this, because he can’t see to lay down.
I’m gonna try again tomorrow to see if he will go to the doctor. He is such a stubborn old man. He keeps telling me he doesn’t know what to do and he tired of hurting. I tend to tell him to go the doctor but he ends up telling me he doesn’t need to go to the doctor he can take care of himself.
So here in a few days I’ll update you some more. Hopefully we’ll get somewhere by then. Thank you all again for your feedback and support.
Believe me, I KNOW pretty well what it is to be dealing with extreme stubbornness, but I think you are missing the degree of importance this has. Have you tried telling him that you did research and you found several potential explanations for his symptoms and they are all very concerning and life threatening? Even if that ends up being an exaggeration, maybe fear works. Also, do you know any doctor friend or any doctor really that could come to his house and make it clear to him that he needs to go be seen and examined properly? Or lastly, next time he says to you or you see him vomiting or with obvious pain just CALL 911. Tell him you did afterwards. What is he going to do? Seriously, what can happen if you do? Will he not open the door? No, you will open the door. Will he get mad at you? Yes, so what? He will get over it but you may have saved his life!! Will he not trust you letting help him in the future? Once he sees that what he had was no joke, or once a doctor tells him to be thankful for his granddaughter that brought him on time (ask a dr to tell him, explain the situation) he will be ok with it. He is stubborn, not stupid! You said he is pretty smart and able, right? Trust that.
You are not the grandchild anymore, you are the one in charge. That is a change not easy to digest and realize, but it is the truth.
Really hope both of you are ok and that you find the encouragement and wisdom to know exactly what to do and when! A hug!
whether there will be treatment or no treatment). He has told me over and over what he wants and I am respecting his wishes. Of course, I would like him to see a doctor though, to at least cover my end of things, but has it had be said time and time again he will not go. He tells me I will be fine because he has refused medical treatment while he’s in his right mind. I do think he has that mind set if it’s his time to die then he will die because he has had a good life. I also think he’s worried if he goes to the doctor there will be something even worse then a stomach ulcer. He wants to die (when it’s his time) but he doesn’t want to know what will be killing him. Again thank you for stepping into my shoes.
While I see of no reason why anyone would consider you medically responsible for him if he is of sound mind, it might come in handy when/if he should eventually seek medical care for this gut issue in the near future, which I hope that he does.
I am sorry you are having to deal with his stubborness, it is clear that you really for care about your GranDad. I would continue to Try to get him in to be seen and keep the dialog going. Tell him something like "you are worried that the powers that be" could come back at you, and that you could "get in trouble", and that his refusal to get proper medical care could land you in trouble with the Police or APS, doing this is called a "therapudic Fib" (often used with older folk in their best interest), which might make him think twice and push him into action, so you aren't held responsible should something seriously happen to him (even though I don't believe you would be), again this is where your doccumentation will come in handy, plus helpful to the medical team when evaluating him for future care, ie: his symptoms, when did they start, his complaints, how often, pain, fever, your attempts at convincing him to seek treatment, etc...
You could also read up on bleeding from the stomach, and educate him in conversation on what "might" be happening to him whe he vommits up "coffee grounds", and that Serious reprocussions can happen and Very quickly if he continues to ignore these type symptoms, as it doesn't take long to "bleed out" and fall into unconciousness from severe blood loss, and also, Not All of the blood from a stomach or intestional bleed will be vommited up and out through mouth, as he very likely could be losing blood out the other end and you don't know about it.
Watch for signs of weakness and dizzyness as well as passing out on his part, also pale skin, shortness of breath and rapid heartrate, all signs that he has an active "bleed", and cannot oxygenate his heart and brain, as well as the rest of his body sufficiently. Especially in old age, we do not replace our Red Blood Stores as quickly as when we are younger, so even small amounts of blood loss add up quickly, when we are older.
Good Luck, and I wish him well!