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We have an elderly relative that we care for. She recently was admitted to the hospital. I am very proactive in her care as I am everyday. She called last night from the hospital disoriented, we convinced her to hit the nurse button and someone said they would send someone right down. Well they didn’t. I called from another phone to nurses station and her nurse said she’s fine, I was just in there 10-15 minutes. I tried to explain that she wasn’t fine right now and she was dismissive. She went to her room and even though she kept asking where her bed was the nurse said “are you on the phone with your family, tell them you are ok because they are worried” She had not slept all day and I’m trying to explain this to nurse and she basically ran me off the phone!!


I have told different nurses on duty the same things about her but they are ignoring it. From being busy and overworked and understaffed. However my elderly relative deserves the best care as anyone does. What do I do?

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As a lifelong nurse I can tell you that every second we spend on the phone with families is robbing our patients of time that they can ill afford to lose. The worst thing about my job was my fear I could not provide for all the needs mental, emotional and physical of my patients. MOST nurses go in as a vocation, a calling, as well as a job. That doesn't mean we don't get utterly exhausted, and in the last year I cannot even imagine how nurses survived. I am long retired.
Short of having someone in the room 24/7 (private duty sitters are quite expensive) hospitalization will be very difficult for an elder. The nurse told you that she had been there 10 minutes before. When I was a nurse anyone we worried about orientation of got Q 15" checks, meaning we at least looked in every 15 minutes. You cannot imagine the toll this takes on a nurse attempting to care for average 6 patients.
I am sorry for your worry, sorry for the disorientation of your loved one (so common in hospitalization). Your Nurse's "attitude" made you even less trusting which will have you on the phone even more, which will further disrupt your loved one's care and the care of others. I wish I had a better answer. If it can at all be afforded consider private sitters for a few shifts. I wish I had better answers for you. It is not one on one care until you are almost literally dying in intensive care. I wish I could make you feel better. Hospitalization is SO HARD on our elders.
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So, where was your relative when she was asking where her bed was? You realise she was probably in or at least next to her bed?

There is next the issue that "she hadn't slept all day" - do you know that, or is it what your relative told you?

A lot must depend on what she has been admitted to the hospital for, how long she has been there and how soon - God willing - she will be out of there; but from what you describe she is getting attention despite low staffing levels and (probably) high pressure of work. That the nurse went to the trouble of going to the room at your specific request and explained that the family is concerned is quite impressive, really - this is a hospital, not a nursing home, and clinical needs come first.

Are you able to visit your relative at all or is everything still quarantined where you are?
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You care for your relative. So are the nursing staff. My advice is to remind yourself you are on the same side.

She is 93 & disorientated?

I would say, yeah probably. Like many many other 80s+ accross every hospital.

Strange place, different staff, weird beeps, maybe some sight & hearing loss, pain? illness? new meds?

If the patient is medically stable, eating, drinking, voiding, pain well controlled - they are probably fine.

The nurse will remind her where she is, reassure her, ensure she is safe in the bed.

What are your expectations for disorientation?
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Hospitals as a rule are always understaffed, so it should be of no surprise to you that the nurses were not bending over backwards for you or your elderly relative. They have many other patients that they are responsible for as well.
It's a shame with the prices we pay to be in a hospital, that we can't receive better care, but it is what it is.
Perhaps if you can't be with your relative more, you can hire a sitter to be with her. That will give you and her more peace of mind. Best wishes.
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Hospitals and elderly don’t mix.

Do your best to get in touch with the primary care doctor and get a discharge and back to familiar surroundings as soon as possible.

At 93, it is too hard on her to be in a hospital. Hopefully, any care can be done from her previous living situation.
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The only time I have been in a hospital was to have my girls. I literally pray that I will never have to go to one. I know, I am in LaLa land. But they don't listen. Nor do they read the paperwork you provide.

My DH suffers from AFib every so often so it lands him in overnight. He is almost deaf so he wears his hearing aid all night because the nurses are in checking his vitals all night. I have told the nurses that he is extremely hard of hearing and is deaf on left side. Do you think that info goes from shift to shift, no.

Last time Mom was in the doctor saw her Thur morning and signed release papers for Friday to rehab. I went in early Friday and she looked like death warmed over. I went out and told the nurse 3x that Mom had done a 180 and should not be discharged. I finally got her to call the doctor and he gave her an xtra day. My RN came and found that the antibody they were giving her had penicillin in it which Hospital records showed she was allergic to. When I told her PCP this story he said ""that's medicine now".

There are other things about hospital stays I could tell you. You have to be vigilante in your care. You have to know what meds are being given and why. TG for my daughter. She has probably saved 2 lives in my family. Hopefully your relative will be out soon.
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