Mom is at home after 4+ months in rehab hospital. She has a hospital bed at home and she is wheelchair bound. She has a lack of mobility because of her obesity and osteoarthritis in her knees. She needs almost 24/7 care, but refuses to go back to rehab/nursing home because they force her to do physical therapy. She refused to set up home health (paid by Medicare) because she doesn't want to do the physical therapy. She is not getting up out of the hospital bed much at all and has no desire to get up and get going. She has two private pay caregivers/friends (one spends the night) who help her ($10-13/hr), and hired a professional caregiving agency 4-6 hours a day ($22/hr). I have helped her financially in the past, and she is expecting me to help her now also. I DO NOT feel I should help her financially if she is NOT WILLING to TRY to get better. She (nor the daughters) have the money to pay for all this private care. What is Mom thinking? And...I'm trying to keep peace with my marriage while taking care of my mom's needs.
Please note that whenever someone hires caregivers who are not part of a caregiving agency, your Mom would need to obtain a "workman's comp" insurance just in case either of the caregiver should get hurt on the job.
Otherwise, Mom would need to sign up for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare]. Home care is limited with Medicaid as Medicaid has found it is not as expensive for them when they have a patient in a nursing home.
And no, no, no, it is not your responsibility to pay for your Mom's care. Any expense comes out of her social security if she receives that, and any other income she might receive. Stand firm on that, say "sorry, Mom, I just cannot possible pay for that". And try to ignore the guilt that comes along with saying "no".
To many times grown children unintentionally enable their parent to continue to live at home when, in fact, that parent now needs a village to take care of her. But the parent is in total denial. My own Mom was like that. Thankfully my Dad knew he couldn't manage without outside help.
So for the stubborn parent, we just wait for the next medical emergency where 911 is needed, trip to the ER, and a stay in the hospital. Past history will show your Mom refuses Physical Therapy at home. Chances are she may need to go into Rehab whether she likes it or not, or Medicare/Sub Insurance may decide not to pay for her care regarding this issue.
Here's hoping your Mom eventually starts to see reality that she does need the extra care.
You would probably find that she no longer has any planning ability. She doesn't get how much money she needs and is no longer capable of making good choices.
I don't have any solutions, but if I were you, I'd get her on waiting lists for Nursing Homes you deem acceptable. The next time she's hospitalized, they may not let her sign herself out.
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