Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Loved one with advanced dementia has had growing agitation. Transferred to SNF after recent hospitalization, but has been aggressive and at times combative with staff during care. Need LTC options but feeling very limited.
The only real solution here is that the doctor work on something in terms of drugs or drug cocktails that works, and SNF is best place to do that. You don't mention what drugs have been tried. Sadly there are times when so much medication is required that a person is for all intent and purpose in a non-responsive state. But there are times when that's the only solution to extreme agitation which is a torture to the person and a torment to all standing witness and trying to help. Your loved one's medical team must address that. Until then make it clear that WHATEVER placement is necessary there is no option for homegoing, and you cannot find placement for someone in this condition. That leaves this to the social workers to address, really, as until then the SNF is more or less stuck. However, you need to know that this may go to self pay, so if there ARE assets they will quickly get eaten away.
You do not say your place in this? Are you POA? What medications have been tried? How long has this condition persisted? What has the medical team said?
Thank you Alva Deer, it is all very traumatic with trying to calm him while being pressured to leave. It is my father, I am POA after my mother who is 82 and overwhelmed. Agitation started presenting more last year and was started on Sertraline with Seroquel as needed and Trazodone for sleep in July 2024. At time of admit he was on same but with change to scheduled Seroquel 3 times/day. Since this recent admission in late September they have made weekly changes, adding & increasing Mirtazapine, Olanzapine, Depakote, Namenda. Issues mostly arise during nighttime care, and he is now hallucinating.
Ask the doctor to admit him to the behavioral health unit at a good hospital for evaluation and ultimately a good medication regime to calm the agitation. It will be a trial and error process to find what works. Understand that feeling this out of control can feel as frightening to him as it does to others. I wish you the best in finding a new place
We discussed this with facility but not sure that combination of good hospital and behavioral health that will take dementia exists in our area it seems…
It sucks. That is the position I am in, have been in for 10 years. Long term care facilities will want the behavior controlled with medication.
Talk with the doctor about trying medications to manage their agitation.
I have been unsuccessful in this with my husband who suffered traumatic brain injury as a result of a massive stroke. Many anti-anxiety medications make him even more agitated, as he doesn't like feeling "doped up". And, even when he is calm and subdued, he is still very resistant to personal cares. He gets scared and upset when someone gets close to him or tries to clean him, and swats people away. He is not angry aggressive, and not very strong, and is totally immobile, so I don't understand why a skilled nursing facility can't manage his care, like I do. Surely they have had resistant patients before. Anyway, I don't know the answer to this, other than try and get them subdued with medication. I sure can relate. My life sucks and no one will help me with him because he "hits".
I’m so sorry that you are in this situation as well, it is not a club anyone wants to be a member of. My dad too gets most upset when being transferred to bed for the night and having incontinence care. I do feel that he is scared that people are trying to hurt him and must defend himself. He yells and tries to grab the arms of the aides, sometimes striking or kicking out. However, despite his age and condition (also very limited mobility) he is still strong. I’ve even inquired to family whether there was any sort of trauma he may have had in the past that could be contributing to these reactions. I know this disease is not something that is logical and that I can make sense of but I can’t help myself from trying to look for answers. We are there daily and trying to work with staff. I had no idea how difficult finding him care would be and feel betrayed by this whole system.
We are trying to review those items as well. He has to be dehydrated because he has really started to eat/drink less, so we’re trying to push more fluids when he will take them. His mouth is so dry, I assume from all the meds.
Just an update to those that have answered, we arrived at the facility yesterday to hear that they had completed an involuntary admission petition for mental health. While we do agree that he needs to have his medication better managed, when we brought this up ourselves, they indicated he would be unlikely to be admitted so it was not pursued. This makes me think that they are now trying to do this under the guise of an emergency admit so that they can expedite the process of getting him out of their facility. I know so many others on here have had similar or worse experiences, I just can’t believe how much my trust in this system has been shattered through this whole process. I know I’m hoping for something that they’re unlikely to provide, but I can’t help feeling the best case scenario is to allow us to private pay while we work on managing the meds and continuing to find a placement option that our family is comfortable with. Changing his environment multiple times is not in his best interest and I fear will set any progress back.
A psych evaluation is the best answer here. Dad is taking too many drugs right now which could be making matters worse ratger than better. Facilities don't want to kick residents OUT, but if they are combative and aggressive, there's little choice! You are not going to be able to manage him yourselves at home either, unfortunately, so the only sensible answer amidst the chaos is to let the psych experts figure it out. It's very hard on everyone, but mostly on dad to live like this. Hopefully, the doctors will hit on a drug combo that calms dad down w/o increasing his aggression or knocking him out, so he can stay put. It's a delicate balance and can take time. It's the DISEASE that makes things so hard, not the facilities.
I hate dementia with every ounce of my being and watched my mother screaming for her dead siblings and parents she insisted I'd locked in closets in her Memory Care ALF. It took time to calm her down and we never did 100% until the disease progressed to the point where she forgot she was upset. Then she thought she was living in a hotel and "her girls" were driving her to a new hotel every night. Her only question was how all her belongings got there too?
I pray this psych evaluation is the answer you've been looking for. Best of luck to you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You do not say your place in this?
Are you POA?
What medications have been tried?
How long has this condition persisted?
What has the medical team said?
Long term care facilities will want the behavior controlled with medication.
Talk with the doctor about trying medications to manage their agitation.
I have been unsuccessful in this with my husband who suffered traumatic brain injury as a result of a massive stroke. Many anti-anxiety medications make him even more agitated, as he doesn't like feeling "doped up". And, even when he is calm and subdued, he is still very resistant to personal cares. He gets scared and upset when someone gets close to him or tries to clean him, and swats people away. He is not angry aggressive, and not very strong, and is totally immobile, so I don't understand why a skilled nursing facility can't manage his care, like I do. Surely they have had resistant patients before.
Anyway, I don't know the answer to this, other than try and get them subdued with medication. I sure can relate. My life sucks and no one will help me with him because he "hits".
I know this disease is not something that is logical and that I can make sense of but I can’t help myself from trying to look for answers. We are there daily and trying to work with staff. I had no idea how difficult finding him care would be and feel betrayed by this whole system.
Has the staff considered other factors:
Pain – from arthritis, pressure sores, constipation, or dental issues.
Dehydration or electrolyte imbalance – can cause delirium, confusion, and visual hallucinations.
Constipation or urinary retention – common in immobile or medicated elders; both cause discomfort and restlessness.
I'm so sorry you are going through this!
I know so many others on here have had similar or worse experiences, I just can’t believe how much my trust in this system has been shattered through this whole process. I know I’m hoping for something that they’re unlikely to provide, but I can’t help feeling the best case scenario is to allow us to private pay while we work on managing the meds and continuing to find a placement option that our family is comfortable with. Changing his environment multiple times is not in his best interest and I fear will set any progress back.
I hate dementia with every ounce of my being and watched my mother screaming for her dead siblings and parents she insisted I'd locked in closets in her Memory Care ALF. It took time to calm her down and we never did 100% until the disease progressed to the point where she forgot she was upset. Then she thought she was living in a hotel and "her girls" were driving her to a new hotel every night. Her only question was how all her belongings got there too?
I pray this psych evaluation is the answer you've been looking for.
Best of luck to you.