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I am a single child that lives approximately 200 mile from my mom. She has dementia. Her short term memory is not good but she can function some on her own. This started after around Thanksgiving last year after she fell at my house. We had her admitted into a psych hospital for 2 weeks and then she moved into a very nice assisted living place. She was awful there to the staff and constantly complained to me until we moved her out.

She then moved in with us for about 3 weeks. She also stayed at our condo in our town for about a month after that with caregivers. She constantly complained about how miserable she was and eventually had a friend drive up in the middle of the night to take her to her house.

She stayed at her house for the summer with caregivers coming for 4 hours a day. I wanted longer but this was they only thing she would tolerate. Last week she fell in the bathtub and couldn't get out. I placed her in assisted living on Wednesday. Sunday she got a ride from a stranger and went back home. Her cell phone wouldn't work so she called 911 and had the police come.

Today she had turned her AC so low at the assisted living place that it froze up. She called 911 and told them she was being traumatized. The cops came. I just spoke to the manager at the assisted living and she asked what I was going to do with my mom? She said that my mom acts like she is having panic attacks and always want to be on the go. Which is true. She always has to be on the go. Always.

I am at a point where I don't know what to do or where to go. I have a very understanding wife and kids age 14 and 12. I can't hop in the car 3 or 4 days a week to go babysit her. Feeling helpless!

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I would go visit, get her to a good geriatric doc. Have her screened for UTI, which can cause confusion and worsen dementia in elders. Talk to the doc about possible meds that may calm her. She may need to be moved into a memory care facility as assited living is not enough supervision for her.
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WOW, I am a bit surprised that the facilities released her to strangers. I would think that was a NO NO. I suspect that Mom's behavior is not unlike how she acted before the onset of her disease, we don't change all that much! I'd vote to get her closer to all of you. That will make some aspects easier. (Unless there is other family or VERY close friends near her current home.). It sounds like there are resources (financial). In this case, perhaps you can hire a companion to spend some time with Mom. One of the residents of the memory care facility where my Mom resided had 2 out of town children. They hire the lovliest women to spend time with him each day. They did more for him than many of the true kids did at that facility. They weren't aides, just companions. But they were there to advocate for him and help him pass the time.
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I agree with what windyridge wrote about moving your mother into memory care and finding a medication that can calm her. This is a simple thing to say, but harder to do. Does your mother have a good doctor? Do you have the POAs for finances and heath care? I know it would be a load of worry off your mind if you could get her in supervised care on a medication schedule that makes her feel more settled. I do not envy the task you have in front of you. Caregiving is hard closeup, but even harder from a distance. Please let us know what happens.
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