After a loved one's passing, then what?
My beautiful Mother passed on 12/27/12 at 10:45 am. She went peacefully and I know that her last moment on this here earth was a happy one for her as she saw everyone she needed to see.
I didn't like her suffering and I prayed to God that he stopped the suffering and help her. I know unrealistically I was hoping for a miracle and wanted God to make her better to give me more years with her. But instead the decision was to take her to be with my Father (who passed 17 years ago) and her family. My Mommy was 84 years young and looked great for her age. I do thank God for the time these last 4 years with her. After my son went off to college, I moved in with her to be her companion and then be her caregiver in time of need. During this time I learned so much about my Mother as a person, we shared so many special moments, I got to see her not only as the caring Mother and Grandmother that she was, but also as a person. And OMG what a great individual she was, she was a strong, interesting, intellectual and wonderful woman. I miss her more and more as people/family start going back to their own lives and I'm left alone in this house we shared. Everywhere I look I see her, something reminds me of her, what she would say, do, her smile, her special look. It will be a long time before I would be able to now try and make this house my own. She was here for 20 years, so everything/everywhere I look there are things that I know were special to her.
For so many years I have not been "me, Ana Maria" that now I don't know where to start. First I was the "mother of Richard"; then I became "the daughter of my dear Mother, her caregiver". I have many years ahead of me and I have no clue what to do with myself. I know it's a great opportunity to start something, but what?!?! I don't have the financial need to just get up and go somewhere to perhaps "find myself" and since I am unemployed I suppose I should look for a job. But at the same time, I don't want JUST a JOB I wanted to mean something, this is what I struggle with. I worked for so many years in marketing/advertising that it just became a job, i know that it is not my calling. How does one find themselves? How does one get over the hurt, the loneliness, the missing, the companionship? Thank you.
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I know from experience that Mom/daughter relationships can be so special that when you lose Mom, the hole left in your life seems so big that everything else falls through it !
It is early days for you and my advice (for what it's worth) would be to take each day as it comes and not rush into anything. I have found time and time again that the saying 'When a door closes, somewhere a window opens' is very true. Take time out, put one foot in front of the other (which is actually all any of us can do), and see where the path leads you. Embrace the memories of your lovely Mommy without regret, and enjoy the love you had for each other - which will stay with you always. Let it be a light in your darkest days.
On a more practical level, counselling is always good - and have you thought about maybe getting a dog (not for everyone, I know). A rescue hound or puppy may fulfill your need to keep on caring (very real for a lot of us) - and I have found the outdoors exercise, not to mention the fact that I allow my thoughts to wander free when I'm out walking, very beneficial.
I wish you well, and hope you stay with this site as long as you need to. There are so many wonderful people here - so willing to love and help you.
God Bless
You were a loving, wonderful daughter and caregiver for your Mother. Take care of yourself right now. I agree with everything crystal1224 wrote. A breavement group can be a real blessing for you right now.
Your Mother sounds like the kind of Mom who would want you to get on with your life. Give yourself time but do something positive everyday that helps you move forward. God bless you.
I am sending you hugs and my condolences. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to face life at this time. As others have mentioned, a grief support group can be helpful. If you belong to a church, you may want to get counseling through them. Whatever you do, please do not isolate yourself.
May God give you strength and clarity in your journey. Just know that you are loved very much.
Godsbeautiful
Mother died only a few days ago. Give yourself time. You will find your way. For now, don't make any decisions more profound than what to do with your mother's clothing. My husband died at the end of November and I am now slowly coming out of the fog. The grieving process takes time.
Passing during the holidays is never easy for those that are left behind, but I can tell you my Father passed 18 years ago and his birthday was on the 1st, so after every New Year, we always cheer and sang Happy Birthday to him and we did it without pain. I am hoping that this will someday be true for you as well when celebrating New Year. In the meantime, my friend cry, grieve, and get mad, but know that all this is normal and once our hearts are at peace I believe the hurt will be gone and the great memories will only be the ones we remember. My heart goes out to you.
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